for Why so many Choices6/2/2003 c7 
6Squeaks-sama
...good...but I don't think Zhao Yun would ever actually fall in love with a girl THAT FAST and he's more of a loyal, brave, serious guy...youd didn't really portrait his personality that good. AND HE BELONGS TO DIAO CHAN! (well, in my opionin, i don't no what any body else thinks)
overall: BRAVO!
6Squeaks-sama...good...but I don't think Zhao Yun would ever actually fall in love with a girl THAT FAST and he's more of a loyal, brave, serious guy...youd didn't really portrait his personality that good. AND HE BELONGS TO DIAO CHAN! (well, in my opionin, i don't no what any body else thinks)
overall: BRAVO!
5/13/2003 c7 12Animatized
Hm... there are quite a few criticisms I'd like to make, but overall, it's not too bad for a first fanfic. Likewise in my other review for your other fic, I already mentioned about not making the character seem too perfect, but you've already made amends in your other fic.
Also, though it's already seven chapters long, I think that the chapters themselves could be longer, though I shouldn't be saying that since my own fic has very very short chapters as well.
Next, if you could show us rather than tell us what's happening. I think that the descriptions of the main characters are okay, but everything else seems kind of bland. Also, grammar and spelling is another thing, but all of us authors make that mistake so that isn't too bad.
Finally, this is just a technical little thing that's been bugging me. In both your fanfics you have a character with 'May' in their name. In chinese, there isn't a word for 'May' pronunciation-wise. It's 'Mei' if you want it to sound the same way. If you wanted it to be the meaning 'May' as in the month, then I wouldn't be able to help you there because I personally can't remember how to say it.
Anyway, other than that, a good first fanfic! Keep on writing raspberryhorse-san! Ganbatte ne!
-Kimi-chan (Animatized)
12AnimatizedHm... there are quite a few criticisms I'd like to make, but overall, it's not too bad for a first fanfic. Likewise in my other review for your other fic, I already mentioned about not making the character seem too perfect, but you've already made amends in your other fic.
Also, though it's already seven chapters long, I think that the chapters themselves could be longer, though I shouldn't be saying that since my own fic has very very short chapters as well.
Next, if you could show us rather than tell us what's happening. I think that the descriptions of the main characters are okay, but everything else seems kind of bland. Also, grammar and spelling is another thing, but all of us authors make that mistake so that isn't too bad.
Finally, this is just a technical little thing that's been bugging me. In both your fanfics you have a character with 'May' in their name. In chinese, there isn't a word for 'May' pronunciation-wise. It's 'Mei' if you want it to sound the same way. If you wanted it to be the meaning 'May' as in the month, then I wouldn't be able to help you there because I personally can't remember how to say it.
Anyway, other than that, a good first fanfic! Keep on writing raspberryhorse-san! Ganbatte ne!
-Kimi-chan (Animatized)
5/6/2003 c7 AmaDono
Well, dissapointment. I'm sorry, but this sucks bad. Bad. Bad bad bad. I don't want to sound cocky, but I can do better. (And have. I still haven't figured out the secret to my success.)
Well, dissapointment. I'm sorry, but this sucks bad. Bad. Bad bad bad. I don't want to sound cocky, but I can do better. (And have. I still haven't figured out the secret to my success.)
5/6/2003 c1 AmaDono
Zhuge Lu Xunu? o.O Did I just read that right? Or is that the sugar kicking in? I'll read the rest and see what I think.
Zhuge Lu Xunu? o.O Did I just read that right? Or is that the sugar kicking in? I'll read the rest and see what I think.
5/4/2003 c7 reviewin' chick
Dammit!
This sucked **!
Dammit!
This sucked **!
4/25/2003 c7 A Hot Chick
Huh?
Why did you delete my review?
I thought you wanted to know what people thought of the story?
Sorry if my review offended you but I just wanted to give my opinion of the story. It was good at some parts but others made it seem so. . .corny.
You made Lu Xunu seem kind of slutish if you ask me. And I thought people back in old China only had brown eyes? Lu Xunu is one made up person alright.
Huh?
Why did you delete my review?
I thought you wanted to know what people thought of the story?
Sorry if my review offended you but I just wanted to give my opinion of the story. It was good at some parts but others made it seem so. . .corny.
You made Lu Xunu seem kind of slutish if you ask me. And I thought people back in old China only had brown eyes? Lu Xunu is one made up person alright.
3/23/2003 c7 Oldy
Oh!
That was so sweet!
(wipes tear from eye)
I'm thinking about making my own DW character and putting her in a story, but I'm worried it will get flamed like no tommorrow. . .
I love this story.
Oh!
That was so sweet!
(wipes tear from eye)
I'm thinking about making my own DW character and putting her in a story, but I'm worried it will get flamed like no tommorrow. . .
I love this story.
3/22/2003 c7 30Crystallia Silver
I enjoyed your story but I believe you could try to add more detailed description like you did in the first chapter. I am looking forward for your next story. :)
30Crystallia SilverI enjoyed your story but I believe you could try to add more detailed description like you did in the first chapter. I am looking forward for your next story. :)
3/21/2003 c1 HanyouInuyasha2
Wonderful fanfic. :) and excellent name, bleh maybe you could make an Lu Bu & Diao Chan fic?
Wonderful fanfic. :) and excellent name, bleh maybe you could make an Lu Bu & Diao Chan fic?
3/19/2003 c6 Lady Qiao
This is great I can't wait for the next chapter. Keep writing.
This is great I can't wait for the next chapter. Keep writing.
3/17/2003 c5 Lady Qiao
This is a great happy story please write more if Zhao Yun chooses her over everything he will defect to Wu. If not he won't see her again.
This is a great happy story please write more if Zhao Yun chooses her over everything he will defect to Wu. If not he won't see her again.
3/16/2003 c5 sun shang xiang
I can't wait to read what happens to them. Keep writing raspberryhorse. This is the best story I'll read so far!
I can't wait to read what happens to them. Keep writing raspberryhorse. This is the best story I'll read so far!
3/12/2003 c4 Lady Qiao
This is great but will he marry her keep writing.
This is great but will he marry her keep writing.
3/10/2003 c3 Lady Qiao
I hope Zhao Yun is going to ask Lu Xunu out on a date before he leaves. You know one last moment together. Keep writing this is great.
I hope Zhao Yun is going to ask Lu Xunu out on a date before he leaves. You know one last moment together. Keep writing this is great.
3/8/2003 c2 1Lost Innocence
So Lu Xun and Lu Xunu are both Zhuge Liang's children? Lol, that's a different twist.
1Lost InnocenceSo Lu Xun and Lu Xunu are both Zhuge Liang's children? Lol, that's a different twist.