for Vacation In Another World: Revolution Version10/17/2005 c4 Random
Well, well, well... If it isn't another typical OC story. Don't get me wrong it's got great potential because you seem like a fairly adequate writer. But I mean really, try to make it more interesting, like maybe your OC could oh i dont know LOSE A BATTLE? *GASP* im beginning to tire of these stories which are all the bloody same, monotonous and boring! Try and break out of the loop. Also, the story is moving way to quickly. So hilary meets Jolt and has suddenly fallen in love with him? this might not be what your trying to achieve, but it sure sounds like it. There are moments in the story when you captured my attention though and that's when you thoroughly explain the description of jolt's beyblade. Work more on your strong points, and please PLEASE improve on your weaker ones. Don't make your OC another god-damn Larry-stue.
Well, well, well... If it isn't another typical OC story. Don't get me wrong it's got great potential because you seem like a fairly adequate writer. But I mean really, try to make it more interesting, like maybe your OC could oh i dont know LOSE A BATTLE? *GASP* im beginning to tire of these stories which are all the bloody same, monotonous and boring! Try and break out of the loop. Also, the story is moving way to quickly. So hilary meets Jolt and has suddenly fallen in love with him? this might not be what your trying to achieve, but it sure sounds like it. There are moments in the story when you captured my attention though and that's when you thoroughly explain the description of jolt's beyblade. Work more on your strong points, and please PLEASE improve on your weaker ones. Don't make your OC another god-damn Larry-stue.
9/12/2005 c13 Jeni
*sniffle* *sniffle*
YOU'RE SCARY! WAH *pout**sniffle*
*GLARE**pulls out knife*
Danny: uh-oh...
I know! I'll make the scary thing go away!
Danny: *shields groin* NO NOT MY BALLS!
*sniffle* *sniffle*
YOU'RE SCARY! WAH *pout**sniffle*
*GLARE**pulls out knife*
Danny: uh-oh...
I know! I'll make the scary thing go away!
Danny: *shields groin* NO NOT MY BALLS!
9/12/2005 c12 Jeni
... I hate Hilary...
Somehow i would think Jolt would know what a boob felt like, seeing as though you made him have a kid...
...
I have internet! Finally!
... I hate Hilary...
Somehow i would think Jolt would know what a boob felt like, seeing as though you made him have a kid...
...
I have internet! Finally!
8/7/2005 c13 rozi
and... u didnt believe me... huh?... and YAy im the first to read it too...
and... u didnt believe me... huh?... and YAy im the first to read it too...
7/14/2005 c12 
5Krokedans
Yeah, about that Lemon you keep promising... When's it going to happen? Seriously. I've been a good girl, sitting here quietly, NOT nagging you, and it HASN'T HAPPENED! ARGH!
Moving on. Great chapter! Keep it up!
5KrokedansYeah, about that Lemon you keep promising... When's it going to happen? Seriously. I've been a good girl, sitting here quietly, NOT nagging you, and it HASN'T HAPPENED! ARGH!
Moving on. Great chapter! Keep it up!
7/5/2005 c11 Jeni
...
...
...
worst torture scene ... ever...
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worst torture scene ... ever...
6/16/2005 c11 Monkeyluv4646
UM...Is this an OC fic with only an oc pairing cus thats what it seems like it. I hope not!
I vote(if your voting)Jolt Hilary
so kawaii
UM...Is this an OC fic with only an oc pairing cus thats what it seems like it. I hope not!
I vote(if your voting)Jolt Hilary
so kawaii
6/13/2005 c11 1Pr0xy Mine
MY GOD! O.O
YOU'VE ACTUALLY UPDATED! Yeah! Praise the gods!
Ahem.
My little mind did not to envision the graphic things you put into it. May I remind you that there is STILL a child in here *points to head*, and it sees and hears ALL.
*mutters* Freakin' little pervert inside my fucking head...
1Pr0xy MineMY GOD! O.O
YOU'VE ACTUALLY UPDATED! Yeah! Praise the gods!
Ahem.
My little mind did not to envision the graphic things you put into it. May I remind you that there is STILL a child in here *points to head*, and it sees and hears ALL.
*mutters* Freakin' little pervert inside my fucking head...
6/13/2005 c11 fireph03n1x
do you think I would really do that to you?
do you think I would really do that to you?
6/10/2005 c10 Jeni
That last review, I thught it was the tenth chapter... ^_^;
*frowns* shut up...
I'm slow okay!
That last review, I thught it was the tenth chapter... ^_^;
*frowns* shut up...
I'm slow okay!
6/10/2005 c1 Jeni
DADDY *glomp*
guess what! i had sugar and I'm at school and *looks around suspiciously* I see dead people...
i was too damn lazy to read your whole story, but i saw a sentence that my sick mind picked up. "Laying on something, yet flexible"
Oh and you wrote "Bladders" again.
*Points and laughs*
DADDY *glomp*
guess what! i had sugar and I'm at school and *looks around suspiciously* I see dead people...
i was too damn lazy to read your whole story, but i saw a sentence that my sick mind picked up. "Laying on something, yet flexible"
Oh and you wrote "Bladders" again.
*Points and laughs*
5/12/2005 c10 hehheh
jolt...write more... hehehe...
jolt...write more... hehehe...
5/6/2005 c8 29Hellfires Fury
lmao..ignore that question that i asked in mai review for ch. 10...haha i went nd read ur profile...newayz..ok then...o wait..nother question: do u have a super cool accent? lmao..newayz g2g byz
29Hellfires Furylmao..ignore that question that i asked in mai review for ch. 10...haha i went nd read ur profile...newayz..ok then...o wait..nother question: do u have a super cool accent? lmao..newayz g2g byz
5/6/2005 c9 Hellfires Fury
HI! lmao...nice story! luv it! ok heres mai ques...are u really australian?..ok mai question is over...XP..welpz g2g review other stories so byzby!
HI! lmao...nice story! luv it! ok heres mai ques...are u really australian?..ok mai question is over...XP..welpz g2g review other stories so byzby!