for I Care6/16/2011 c13 StargazingDragon
Kool story. I liked ur views on Bakura. By the way Marik Ishtar is the light while Malik is the dark spirit. Malik sounds like malice! I reaally liked ur story!
Kool story. I liked ur views on Bakura. By the way Marik Ishtar is the light while Malik is the dark spirit. Malik sounds like malice! I reaally liked ur story!
6/23/2010 c21 
13xxpinkblinkxx
best fanfic I ever read! It was well sad in some of the chapters :'( But this tory is so good! It would be so cool if this was made into a show or manga lol! :) Are you able to make a sequel? I wanna know what happens when they meet Aly's old friends :P
13xxpinkblinkxxbest fanfic I ever read! It was well sad in some of the chapters :'( But this tory is so good! It would be so cool if this was made into a show or manga lol! :) Are you able to make a sequel? I wanna know what happens when they meet Aly's old friends :P
3/3/2010 c21 5T.F. Author
I love this story! Score one for the fat chicks!
Fat chicks :21
Not fat chicks: OVER NINE THOUSAND!
Don't worry well catch up
5T.F. AuthorI love this story! Score one for the fat chicks!
Fat chicks :21
Not fat chicks: OVER NINE THOUSAND!
Don't worry well catch up
12/13/2009 c21 alyshaaa
OHMYGOD
i love this story soo much !
Aren't go going further with it ?
Or make another BakuraxOc story YOU WRITE AMAZING !
LOVE IT 3
OHMYGOD
i love this story soo much !
Aren't go going further with it ?
Or make another BakuraxOc story YOU WRITE AMAZING !
LOVE IT 3
11/25/2009 c6 11Aspendragon
“Bakura, did you hear? There’s going to be a dance soon!” a short blonde announced. Ryou nodded, and really wished the girls would leave.
“So, um…do you have any idea who you’re going with?” a taller blonde asked, batting her blue eyes a bit. Ryou opened his mouth but before he could answer someone interrupted.
“Excuse me, but you’re in my way,” an annoyed voice said. The girls turned to face Aly; she gave them a small glare and sat in her regular space, between Ryou and Tea.
“Whatever,” the tall blonde replied before turning back to Ryou. The four girls stared at him anxiously, still expecting an answer. A shy looking brunet was looking at him anxiously behind her hair, and an African American girl seemed to be pushing her chest out as far as it would go to impress him.
Is it just me or are you rather stereotypical? Don't get me wrong, I've adored this story for a while, but now that I'm rereading it, I'm finding a lot of things out of whack.
Domino City is in Japan and there are quite a lot of blondes and even an African American in this chapter. You do know that African Americans are US black American citizens right? I think this kind of background character should only be mentioned if she plays a distinct role where you can explain she's a transfer student because mentioning one is VERY um, outlandish?
Next, blondes? I'm a blonde and normally I don't take offense when my hair color is referred to through a character as stupid, busty, and socially retarded, but I find (even though Aly is considered a sort of blonde) that a fan club full of blondes is very out of place. Japan is full of black-haired or very dark brunettes and any other hair color is rare (as expressed in Rurouni Kenshin with Kenshin and his red hair.)
Even Yuki's fan club in Fruits Basket didn't have any blondes in it and the few people with it were Momiji and his mother and sister, they were explained though.
I'm just saying when you write, try and be more realistic, it might not be your goal to insult people, but it can come off as that. Something outlandish like an African American or a ton of blondes in Japanese culture appearing out of nowhere to swoon over Ryou is extremely distracting. Not to mention Japan isn't exactly known for their female figures, if you wrote out these peppy blondes to compare Aly to, I had to really think about that because it's hard to remember Aly has blonde hair (dirty blonde?) and the blonde characters are just so simply out of place in this world.
11Aspendragon“Bakura, did you hear? There’s going to be a dance soon!” a short blonde announced. Ryou nodded, and really wished the girls would leave.
“So, um…do you have any idea who you’re going with?” a taller blonde asked, batting her blue eyes a bit. Ryou opened his mouth but before he could answer someone interrupted.
“Excuse me, but you’re in my way,” an annoyed voice said. The girls turned to face Aly; she gave them a small glare and sat in her regular space, between Ryou and Tea.
“Whatever,” the tall blonde replied before turning back to Ryou. The four girls stared at him anxiously, still expecting an answer. A shy looking brunet was looking at him anxiously behind her hair, and an African American girl seemed to be pushing her chest out as far as it would go to impress him.
Is it just me or are you rather stereotypical? Don't get me wrong, I've adored this story for a while, but now that I'm rereading it, I'm finding a lot of things out of whack.
Domino City is in Japan and there are quite a lot of blondes and even an African American in this chapter. You do know that African Americans are US black American citizens right? I think this kind of background character should only be mentioned if she plays a distinct role where you can explain she's a transfer student because mentioning one is VERY um, outlandish?
Next, blondes? I'm a blonde and normally I don't take offense when my hair color is referred to through a character as stupid, busty, and socially retarded, but I find (even though Aly is considered a sort of blonde) that a fan club full of blondes is very out of place. Japan is full of black-haired or very dark brunettes and any other hair color is rare (as expressed in Rurouni Kenshin with Kenshin and his red hair.)
Even Yuki's fan club in Fruits Basket didn't have any blondes in it and the few people with it were Momiji and his mother and sister, they were explained though.
I'm just saying when you write, try and be more realistic, it might not be your goal to insult people, but it can come off as that. Something outlandish like an African American or a ton of blondes in Japanese culture appearing out of nowhere to swoon over Ryou is extremely distracting. Not to mention Japan isn't exactly known for their female figures, if you wrote out these peppy blondes to compare Aly to, I had to really think about that because it's hard to remember Aly has blonde hair (dirty blonde?) and the blonde characters are just so simply out of place in this world.
3/21/2008 c21 River Fox
Thank you for writing this fic. This has been my reading stuff for the last... six days? I'm slow, I know.
Back to what I was saying. This was an awesome fic where everyone were IC and your OC wasn't a mary-sue. Excellent work. I tip my hat to you. And... ok I admit it; I was kinda sad when reading the last chapter. You're a gifted author, keep it up!
I'm sure you'll do fine with your other fics too.
Sincerely Yours,
River Fox
Thank you for writing this fic. This has been my reading stuff for the last... six days? I'm slow, I know.
Back to what I was saying. This was an awesome fic where everyone were IC and your OC wasn't a mary-sue. Excellent work. I tip my hat to you. And... ok I admit it; I was kinda sad when reading the last chapter. You're a gifted author, keep it up!
I'm sure you'll do fine with your other fics too.
Sincerely Yours,
River Fox
4/18/2006 c4 5ShinRa Associate
Ritzu: (is killing Bakura repeatedly with dagger) How dare you hurt my Ryou-Chan!
Ryou: O.o It's okay, Ritzu, really!
Ritzu: (glomps Ryou) My dear Ryou-kun! Are you okay?
5ShinRa AssociateRitzu: (is killing Bakura repeatedly with dagger) How dare you hurt my Ryou-Chan!
Ryou: O.o It's okay, Ritzu, really!
Ritzu: (glomps Ryou) My dear Ryou-kun! Are you okay?
4/18/2006 c3 ShinRa Associate
. RyouOC fluff! Joy!
And Bakkie's not that evil... . He's just mentally unsound. Not abusing.
Good story,
continue!
. RyouOC fluff! Joy!
And Bakkie's not that evil... . He's just mentally unsound. Not abusing.
Good story,
continue!
4/6/2006 c21 33DomesticatedWerewolves
That was really good! It made me laugh hard. But I'm sick, and have a sore throat, so thats not very good -_-' I guess you could say I did laugh intill it hurt. But anyway, your OC was fantastic! She wasnt a Mary Sue or anything! It was the purfect combination of Angest and humor. I tried to make a OC once... It sucked and I deleted it. I give you a thumbs up for your creativity! congrats! n_nU
33DomesticatedWerewolvesThat was really good! It made me laugh hard. But I'm sick, and have a sore throat, so thats not very good -_-' I guess you could say I did laugh intill it hurt. But anyway, your OC was fantastic! She wasnt a Mary Sue or anything! It was the purfect combination of Angest and humor. I tried to make a OC once... It sucked and I deleted it. I give you a thumbs up for your creativity! congrats! n_nU
12/5/2005 c21 starskittle410
Ok, I am going to write a very long review...ready? Lol, I am.
First of all, I like how you used symbols like Britney and the doggy plushie but you were a bit obvious. You had given the dog white fur adn brown puppy dog eyes...*coughcough*Ryou*coughcough* i mean, it was goo the Bakura got to deal with his feelings a bit before actually talking to Ryou but it made him seem like he was really soft.
Speaking of softness from Bakura, I was a little disappointed with how you got a lot of the characters OOC. I am a Ta basher and liked how you protrayed her(XD) but some of the other characters were off a lot.
With your structure, if you could of put a little more emphasise(sp?) on your climax, that would be great. When reading it, I couldn't really tell where it was!
About Aly, well...she was a bit...mary sue. I'm terriably sorry. But look through your work- she comes from a loving family, gets to live in a forest, big bedroom...the works. I'm sorry but I can't imagine Ryou falling for someone like her.
During depression, you wouldn't WANT to care about anyone. I am speaking from experience and I really don't think yo got all the details about it. Next time you write something like that, maybe yo should do more research?
There were a couple a nit-picky things that kinda bothered me trough the fic...like Marik's OOCness. I mean, that was extreme OOCness! ANd well, therewere some misspellings and screwed up history, but all's good!
Overall, I think you did some good wrting. Sometimes it helps to write it out and then type it so you know what it sounds like. I hope I haven't insulted you...I didn't mean to! I also hadn't meant to sound snobby or anything...gomen nasai if i did!
Ok, I am going to write a very long review...ready? Lol, I am.
First of all, I like how you used symbols like Britney and the doggy plushie but you were a bit obvious. You had given the dog white fur adn brown puppy dog eyes...*coughcough*Ryou*coughcough* i mean, it was goo the Bakura got to deal with his feelings a bit before actually talking to Ryou but it made him seem like he was really soft.
Speaking of softness from Bakura, I was a little disappointed with how you got a lot of the characters OOC. I am a Ta basher and liked how you protrayed her(XD) but some of the other characters were off a lot.
With your structure, if you could of put a little more emphasise(sp?) on your climax, that would be great. When reading it, I couldn't really tell where it was!
About Aly, well...she was a bit...mary sue. I'm terriably sorry. But look through your work- she comes from a loving family, gets to live in a forest, big bedroom...the works. I'm sorry but I can't imagine Ryou falling for someone like her.
During depression, you wouldn't WANT to care about anyone. I am speaking from experience and I really don't think yo got all the details about it. Next time you write something like that, maybe yo should do more research?
There were a couple a nit-picky things that kinda bothered me trough the fic...like Marik's OOCness. I mean, that was extreme OOCness! ANd well, therewere some misspellings and screwed up history, but all's good!
Overall, I think you did some good wrting. Sometimes it helps to write it out and then type it so you know what it sounds like. I hope I haven't insulted you...I didn't mean to! I also hadn't meant to sound snobby or anything...gomen nasai if i did!