for A New Ocarina of Time Adventure4/13/2010 c3 
8Reader123456789
Cool story. The link got cut off and I really want to hear the song, so could you send me the link?
8Reader123456789Cool story. The link got cut off and I really want to hear the song, so could you send me the link?
7/11/2008 c2 6Kouta Aburame
Gary Stu-a pejorative term used to describe a fictional character who plays a major role in the plot on such a scale that suspension of disbelief fails due to the character's traits, skills and abilities being tenuously or inadequately justified. Such a character is particularly characterized by overly idealized and clichéd mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as wish-fulfillment fantasies for their authors.
anyone who agrees that Jayson is such a character, copy and paste this in your review.
Now I don't want to bash you and not tell how to improve so here goes. Jayson seems to serve as a simple clone of Link with the gift of fire. Try differentiating Jayson from Link in certain ways like both of them don't need slingshots, bows, hookshots, boomerangs, bombs, ect.. How about taking Lily out of the picture, unless she has some greater use in the end and not just to bash how annoying faeries can be. If that's it, let Navi be the only fairy and leave Lily out of it.
Also, try making the story flow a little differently from the actual game. We know he's played it about ten or twenty times and knows the levels inside and out, but what happens when somethings amiss, like new characters, different dungeon layouts, and other things that might throw him for a loop.
This story has potential, but please add some originality so I'll stop crying inside. I hope you take this into consideration and continue to improve.
I hope you can read my story "The Passage of Time" and leave a review. I would greatly appreciate your time and attention.
Best of wishes
Kouta Aburame
6Kouta AburameGary Stu-a pejorative term used to describe a fictional character who plays a major role in the plot on such a scale that suspension of disbelief fails due to the character's traits, skills and abilities being tenuously or inadequately justified. Such a character is particularly characterized by overly idealized and clichéd mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as wish-fulfillment fantasies for their authors.
anyone who agrees that Jayson is such a character, copy and paste this in your review.
Now I don't want to bash you and not tell how to improve so here goes. Jayson seems to serve as a simple clone of Link with the gift of fire. Try differentiating Jayson from Link in certain ways like both of them don't need slingshots, bows, hookshots, boomerangs, bombs, ect.. How about taking Lily out of the picture, unless she has some greater use in the end and not just to bash how annoying faeries can be. If that's it, let Navi be the only fairy and leave Lily out of it.
Also, try making the story flow a little differently from the actual game. We know he's played it about ten or twenty times and knows the levels inside and out, but what happens when somethings amiss, like new characters, different dungeon layouts, and other things that might throw him for a loop.
This story has potential, but please add some originality so I'll stop crying inside. I hope you take this into consideration and continue to improve.
I hope you can read my story "The Passage of Time" and leave a review. I would greatly appreciate your time and attention.
Best of wishes
Kouta Aburame
7/11/2008 c10 Ferrion Knight of Oblivion
Cool dude, can't wait for the next chapter! Oh and btw, I'm working on sequel to "Time and Oblivion" if you're interested in reading it.
Cool dude, can't wait for the next chapter! Oh and btw, I'm working on sequel to "Time and Oblivion" if you're interested in reading it.
7/10/2008 c10 17Link Fangirl01
hehehe, what will Zelda do now that Jay knows her secret? That was funny.
Poor Jay, it would've been good to see him stop Ganondork from getting into the sacred realm. Oh well.
so glad you updated, even if I haven't read this in a while. XD
17Link Fangirl01hehehe, what will Zelda do now that Jay knows her secret? That was funny.
Poor Jay, it would've been good to see him stop Ganondork from getting into the sacred realm. Oh well.
so glad you updated, even if I haven't read this in a while. XD
6/4/2007 c9 Link Fangirl01
i hate that level... -twitches-
sorry for a late reveiw. I have too many updates...
i hate that level... -twitches-
sorry for a late reveiw. I have too many updates...
5/10/2007 c9 12Ferrion Knight of Oblivion
oh gosh, Ruto was bad enough by herself. nice chapter, took you a while to update, but hey, I've had other stuff to worry about. anyway, keep up the good work!
12Ferrion Knight of Oblivionoh gosh, Ruto was bad enough by herself. nice chapter, took you a while to update, but hey, I've had other stuff to worry about. anyway, keep up the good work!
11/15/2006 c8 12Ferrion Knight of Oblivion
Yay an update! good job even though it was kinda short...update soon!
12Ferrion Knight of OblivionYay an update! good job even though it was kinda short...update soon!
11/1/2006 c7 17Link Fangirl01
1. I liked your other penname alot
2. Why are you calling him Jay instead of Jason? is it just short?
3. Love your story.
17Link Fangirl011. I liked your other penname alot
2. Why are you calling him Jay instead of Jason? is it just short?
3. Love your story.
10/31/2006 c7 12Ferrion Knight of Oblivion
Yay! an update! that's okay that it was late, it was worth it. and also, i like your new pen name better then the old one. update soon!
12Ferrion Knight of OblivionYay! an update! that's okay that it was late, it was worth it. and also, i like your new pen name better then the old one. update soon!