for Being a Kokiri6/9/2011 c1 
2dethkorekitty
Aw, what a cool idea! :3 Hehe it was so nerdy and wonderful at the same time, but a good nerdy! Like the fact that you were falling asleep to the "Lost Woods" song before going to bed and the reference to the end credits song of Majora's Mask. Cute story, it kind of inspired me to write my own fic where I get sucked into the Zelda world too! XD But we'll see, I'm still struggling with my current HTTYD one.
2dethkorekittyAw, what a cool idea! :3 Hehe it was so nerdy and wonderful at the same time, but a good nerdy! Like the fact that you were falling asleep to the "Lost Woods" song before going to bed and the reference to the end credits song of Majora's Mask. Cute story, it kind of inspired me to write my own fic where I get sucked into the Zelda world too! XD But we'll see, I'm still struggling with my current HTTYD one.
10/2/2010 c1 6ERURUUlove
Yaay! Awesome story! ...i have an ocarina & can play sarias song :) Does that make me a kokiri even tho I'm tall? but I do look young for my age & act young PLUS I swear ghosts follow me O.O
6ERURUUloveYaay! Awesome story! ...i have an ocarina & can play sarias song :) Does that make me a kokiri even tho I'm tall? but I do look young for my age & act young PLUS I swear ghosts follow me O.O
1/22/2010 c1 19Wavebreeze
The story was quite unique, I never really read one like it (even if you say that it has been done a thousand times, I guess I have just missed those thousand. :p). Although nothing dramatic happened, it was nice just to read something that focused so much on the characters' personalities and you showed them very well. However, I do have a few pointers.
Description is very important to me, I try to describe almost everything while not overdoing it (though overdoing it is difficult, in my opinion). Whenever you introduce a new character, I suggest you describe them by their looks first. Their personality will come throughout the story (you did this second part well, no need to aid you with that so good job!). Although most people who follow LoZ will know what Link and Saria look like, you should still describe them. At first I was confused onto what age Link was until I remembered 10 year old.
Also, you should try describing the narrator too. I know it is difficult to do that when you are in first person, so an easy trick I use is to simply have the narrator to look at their reflection in a mirror or puddle of water and describe them from there. There are other and more complex ways to do this, of course, but this is the easiest.
I must say that, at first, I was very confused on what was happening. I finally realized that you fell asleep in the modern world and then woke up in Hyrule. This was pretty confusing so this is where description comes in. I suggest that, at the very beginning, you describe the world around you. Your alarm clock, turning off the lights as you prepare for bed, maybe shutting off your T.V. or computer, and then falling asleep with those same thoughts in mind. Focusing a lot on modern day items will reinforce the difference between your two worlds. When you wake up in Hyrule, describe everything around you. Your sleeping on the grass, tree houses all around you, and bunches of little kids (mostly red heads XD). This will make things much more clearer and interesting.
Like I said before, your characterization was excellent. I can easily imagine their personalities, and your piece flowed smoothly. Many writers have problems being fluent (an example, my sister) and choppy writing is hard to fix. Thankfully, there is nothing that needs help in that department. :-)
Great job and hopefully what I have said will help you in your future stories. Overall summary: focus on description. Not only does it help the reader imagine what is happening, but it also helps move the plot along.
Great work!
~~Wave~~
19WavebreezeThe story was quite unique, I never really read one like it (even if you say that it has been done a thousand times, I guess I have just missed those thousand. :p). Although nothing dramatic happened, it was nice just to read something that focused so much on the characters' personalities and you showed them very well. However, I do have a few pointers.
Description is very important to me, I try to describe almost everything while not overdoing it (though overdoing it is difficult, in my opinion). Whenever you introduce a new character, I suggest you describe them by their looks first. Their personality will come throughout the story (you did this second part well, no need to aid you with that so good job!). Although most people who follow LoZ will know what Link and Saria look like, you should still describe them. At first I was confused onto what age Link was until I remembered 10 year old.
Also, you should try describing the narrator too. I know it is difficult to do that when you are in first person, so an easy trick I use is to simply have the narrator to look at their reflection in a mirror or puddle of water and describe them from there. There are other and more complex ways to do this, of course, but this is the easiest.
I must say that, at first, I was very confused on what was happening. I finally realized that you fell asleep in the modern world and then woke up in Hyrule. This was pretty confusing so this is where description comes in. I suggest that, at the very beginning, you describe the world around you. Your alarm clock, turning off the lights as you prepare for bed, maybe shutting off your T.V. or computer, and then falling asleep with those same thoughts in mind. Focusing a lot on modern day items will reinforce the difference between your two worlds. When you wake up in Hyrule, describe everything around you. Your sleeping on the grass, tree houses all around you, and bunches of little kids (mostly red heads XD). This will make things much more clearer and interesting.
Like I said before, your characterization was excellent. I can easily imagine their personalities, and your piece flowed smoothly. Many writers have problems being fluent (an example, my sister) and choppy writing is hard to fix. Thankfully, there is nothing that needs help in that department. :-)
Great job and hopefully what I have said will help you in your future stories. Overall summary: focus on description. Not only does it help the reader imagine what is happening, but it also helps move the plot along.
Great work!
~~Wave~~
3/21/2008 c1 7deaf
I think the part I liked best was your fairy Edan...it's quite unusual compared to the other fairies that I know of, mainly Navi.
Unique (to sum it up in a word).
But one question: You said, "odd" in your review. Furthermore, in your profile you mentioned that "weird" was "good" and "strange" was "bad" or something of the like. "Odd" was a term you would use when it was difficult to decide whether the work was "good" or "bad." If that is the case and my work is "odd" which side is it leaning towards? "Good" or "bad"?
I appreciate your time and review, thank you.
7deafI think the part I liked best was your fairy Edan...it's quite unusual compared to the other fairies that I know of, mainly Navi.
Unique (to sum it up in a word).
But one question: You said, "odd" in your review. Furthermore, in your profile you mentioned that "weird" was "good" and "strange" was "bad" or something of the like. "Odd" was a term you would use when it was difficult to decide whether the work was "good" or "bad." If that is the case and my work is "odd" which side is it leaning towards? "Good" or "bad"?
I appreciate your time and review, thank you.
8/29/2007 c1 21Storm Midnight
Wow, very good story! I wish I could be a Kokori, I'd give Mido a piece of my mind!
21Storm MidnightWow, very good story! I wish I could be a Kokori, I'd give Mido a piece of my mind!
7/23/2007 c1 2Mcvirus
Lmao, its different then most of the Stories here. But it was good. And funny 2 XD
2McvirusLmao, its different then most of the Stories here. But it was good. And funny 2 XD
4/6/2007 c1 9AnimeAngel90
hello there! You reviewed my story, so I decided to come here and stalk you! lol
This is really good, though I personally think it could have been more than a one-shot. But as it would be really hard to go from there, as you would have had to go with Link and that would be confusing, and yeah...still, it was great! You made it nice and believable...and you didn't make Link fall in love with you either. Nice self control there! :P
Keep up the writing!
Angel :)
9AnimeAngel90hello there! You reviewed my story, so I decided to come here and stalk you! lol
This is really good, though I personally think it could have been more than a one-shot. But as it would be really hard to go from there, as you would have had to go with Link and that would be confusing, and yeah...still, it was great! You made it nice and believable...and you didn't make Link fall in love with you either. Nice self control there! :P
Keep up the writing!
Angel :)
10/14/2006 c1 4Ninjainacan
=) I liked this. There have been some verry lame sucked-into-video game stories, but this certainly wasn't.
By the way, updated like you requested!
4Ninjainacan=) I liked this. There have been some verry lame sucked-into-video game stories, but this certainly wasn't.
By the way, updated like you requested!
7/13/2006 c1 3Waendolien
Oohh very interesting! I usually don't like reading stories where people get sucked into video games, but I like this one. Is there going to be more? I hope so; I would like to see where this story goes! Btw, thanks a lot for reviewing my story! ^_^
3WaendolienOohh very interesting! I usually don't like reading stories where people get sucked into video games, but I like this one. Is there going to be more? I hope so; I would like to see where this story goes! Btw, thanks a lot for reviewing my story! ^_^
6/29/2006 c1 4Fierce Goddess
Very good im a little confused about how Link and Saria could have known Nani so quicky...but either way its good =D (and im glad you like my fic ^^) plz write more :D
4Fierce GoddessVery good im a little confused about how Link and Saria could have known Nani so quicky...but either way its good =D (and im glad you like my fic ^^) plz write more :D
6/25/2006 c1 7ShinigamiLenne
Omgsh that's it? Waah, still good though! You had me going there, thought there was gonna be more. Loved the way you ended it anyway ^^ and nice to see a different self insertion.. wouldn't it be great if that could really happen?
7ShinigamiLenneOmgsh that's it? Waah, still good though! You had me going there, thought there was gonna be more. Loved the way you ended it anyway ^^ and nice to see a different self insertion.. wouldn't it be great if that could really happen?
6/14/2006 c1 3Cookiesama
Yo, Cookiechan here!^^ WoW! That was really good!=) I really liked the part where u were harass'n ur lill' fariy! That was FUNNY! =) =) So, do u think that u'll ever go back 2 that world? 2, like, go save Link, n Saria from something? Well, still... even if u don't right anymore of this story. It's still go'n 2 b 1 of my favs! I REALLY LOVED IT! =) =) =)
3CookiesamaYo, Cookiechan here!^^ WoW! That was really good!=) I really liked the part where u were harass'n ur lill' fariy! That was FUNNY! =) =) So, do u think that u'll ever go back 2 that world? 2, like, go save Link, n Saria from something? Well, still... even if u don't right anymore of this story. It's still go'n 2 b 1 of my favs! I REALLY LOVED IT! =) =) =)