for The Goblin and the Spider9/15/2006 c1 
9CoyoteWolf
! O...never seen this before. Let's see whewre u take it...and if it's beliveable.
9CoyoteWolf! O...never seen this before. Let's see whewre u take it...and if it's beliveable.
8/28/2006 c1 TheSmallestGhost
so is this a one shot? cuz if it is, i'll like to see a sequal to the story...great story anyways!
olivia
so is this a one shot? cuz if it is, i'll like to see a sequal to the story...great story anyways!
olivia
8/24/2006 c1 tukukuyr
WHOOT!!
WHOOT!!
8/22/2006 c1 Lady Suneidesis
K, so here's my second review. (The fact that I'm taking the time to do this should be proof of how much I want this story to do well.) Couple of suggestions: First, Norman feels WAY too normal and nice to me. I think one of the biggest advantages that you have with this setup is the "Creepy Factor." So far, you've made a point of making the reader's skin crawl when they read about the Goblin in the opening. But all of the sudden, he's a father figure. You need to keep in mind that your readers have already seen the first movie and already hate Norman cuz he's, well, very easy to hate. So I would amp up the creepiness of the fact that Peter's actually working with him.
Also, you're probably already thinking of this, but I would see Peter quickly beginning to regret his decision, but maybe feeling trapped and unable to get out of it. That's one angle you could potentially take in your writing. It would help save some of Peter's character.
Second: As far as plot suggestions go, that's kinda your ballpark. The only idea that I would suggest is maybe to have an incident with Peter and the Goblin seeing someone in trouble while they are together, and the way they both react to it. Could make for some excellent dialogue!
Hope that was helpful!
K, so here's my second review. (The fact that I'm taking the time to do this should be proof of how much I want this story to do well.) Couple of suggestions: First, Norman feels WAY too normal and nice to me. I think one of the biggest advantages that you have with this setup is the "Creepy Factor." So far, you've made a point of making the reader's skin crawl when they read about the Goblin in the opening. But all of the sudden, he's a father figure. You need to keep in mind that your readers have already seen the first movie and already hate Norman cuz he's, well, very easy to hate. So I would amp up the creepiness of the fact that Peter's actually working with him.
Also, you're probably already thinking of this, but I would see Peter quickly beginning to regret his decision, but maybe feeling trapped and unable to get out of it. That's one angle you could potentially take in your writing. It would help save some of Peter's character.
Second: As far as plot suggestions go, that's kinda your ballpark. The only idea that I would suggest is maybe to have an incident with Peter and the Goblin seeing someone in trouble while they are together, and the way they both react to it. Could make for some excellent dialogue!
Hope that was helpful!
8/20/2006 c1 2Lady Suneidesis
Hmm, I haven't seen any What if's quite like this, in my time on this site. I like it! The writing is good, and the plot has potential. Keep up the good work!
2Lady SuneidesisHmm, I haven't seen any What if's quite like this, in my time on this site. I like it! The writing is good, and the plot has potential. Keep up the good work!