for Wayward Son10/8/2009 c13 
3Chaos Hero Mark
I foresee just how chaotic things will get in the upcoming chapters, judging by this one. The fat noble, blurting in the seal was very humorous. Despite the dark, seriousness of the story, I like a bit of light humor thrown every now and then. Look forward to your next chapter.
3Chaos Hero MarkI foresee just how chaotic things will get in the upcoming chapters, judging by this one. The fat noble, blurting in the seal was very humorous. Despite the dark, seriousness of the story, I like a bit of light humor thrown every now and then. Look forward to your next chapter.
10/8/2009 c12 Chaos Hero Mark
Very interesting. I like to see how things play out later down the line, concerning these events.
On a completely unrelated topic, you must take this to Intelligent Systems and Nintendo. Hell, someone needs to start a petition for an FE game focusing on Renault! Forget Ike! Forget the Jugdral arc! This guy really deserves his own game! But alas, Nintendo and I.S. are too busy counting their cash to care, so I fear hopes may be a pipedream.v_v oh, well.
Very interesting. I like to see how things play out later down the line, concerning these events.
On a completely unrelated topic, you must take this to Intelligent Systems and Nintendo. Hell, someone needs to start a petition for an FE game focusing on Renault! Forget Ike! Forget the Jugdral arc! This guy really deserves his own game! But alas, Nintendo and I.S. are too busy counting their cash to care, so I fear hopes may be a pipedream.v_v oh, well.
10/7/2009 c9 Chaos Hero Mark
My friend, I am thoroughly enjoying this story and I can see you are a genuine Renault fan ( Although you get people telling you this a lot. ) I like the character development, you writing style and I can definitely learn from you. The atmosphere in the dead Scirocco town really gave me chills.Apologies for not having anything constructive to add, seeing that your skill in fanfic writing exceeds my own by leagues. Simply put, I strongly encourage you to continue this.
My friend, I am thoroughly enjoying this story and I can see you are a genuine Renault fan ( Although you get people telling you this a lot. ) I like the character development, you writing style and I can definitely learn from you. The atmosphere in the dead Scirocco town really gave me chills.Apologies for not having anything constructive to add, seeing that your skill in fanfic writing exceeds my own by leagues. Simply put, I strongly encourage you to continue this.
10/6/2009 c13 93Mark of the Asphodel
Whoa. I *knew* who the mysterious killer of Nabata was going to be as soon as you mentioned the eye. It's fascinating to see all these threads of familiar canon- like the distinctive bluish-gray hair of Lord Reglay- woven into your story. Yazan and Dougram were integrated pretty well into Renault's more familiar crowd.
Good surprises: wasn't expecting the sparks between Rosamia and Braddock. I expect it to disrupt the dynamic between Braddock and Renault, which is sad but inevitable. The two revelations in Tassar's past- the fiancee and the "benefactor"- were intriguing. The way you describe gameplay elements like the Killing Edge sword is done *very* well- yay for fantasy realism.
Not so good: There was a fair amount of exposition syndrome with all the reunions and reappearances. It makes sense if "Wayward Son" is taken as a serial drama, but if I were to sit down and read it in one fell swoop like a novel, I'd be inclined to skip some paragraphs. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about Confrontation #3 between Renault and his mother; some lines were good, and some just left me feeling weird. Final nit-pick- there was a rogue quotation mark at the end of the encounter between Monica and Renault.
Overall, you're keeping the ball in the air with considerable skill, and a few odd patches here and there don't keep this from being the most gripping Elibe "epic" I've read to date.
93Mark of the AsphodelWhoa. I *knew* who the mysterious killer of Nabata was going to be as soon as you mentioned the eye. It's fascinating to see all these threads of familiar canon- like the distinctive bluish-gray hair of Lord Reglay- woven into your story. Yazan and Dougram were integrated pretty well into Renault's more familiar crowd.
Good surprises: wasn't expecting the sparks between Rosamia and Braddock. I expect it to disrupt the dynamic between Braddock and Renault, which is sad but inevitable. The two revelations in Tassar's past- the fiancee and the "benefactor"- were intriguing. The way you describe gameplay elements like the Killing Edge sword is done *very* well- yay for fantasy realism.
Not so good: There was a fair amount of exposition syndrome with all the reunions and reappearances. It makes sense if "Wayward Son" is taken as a serial drama, but if I were to sit down and read it in one fell swoop like a novel, I'd be inclined to skip some paragraphs. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about Confrontation #3 between Renault and his mother; some lines were good, and some just left me feeling weird. Final nit-pick- there was a rogue quotation mark at the end of the encounter between Monica and Renault.
Overall, you're keeping the ball in the air with considerable skill, and a few odd patches here and there don't keep this from being the most gripping Elibe "epic" I've read to date.
9/1/2009 c12 19IVIaedhros
I guessed Islam first then Hindu and a very brief search seems to have confirmed the first intuition. Good chapter, especially the Braddock interaction. One can easily see how losing him will unbalance Renault...I also find myself wondering if we'll eventually get to a small Lucius and family cameo, many chapters down the line.
19IVIaedhrosI guessed Islam first then Hindu and a very brief search seems to have confirmed the first intuition. Good chapter, especially the Braddock interaction. One can easily see how losing him will unbalance Renault...I also find myself wondering if we'll eventually get to a small Lucius and family cameo, many chapters down the line.
8/24/2009 c12 93Mark of the Asphodel
All right! Loved the rotating POV here, not to mention the number of shoes that dropped. The "Jobs" theme felt nice and organic, and I really appreciated the structure to this one. Quibbles first: the scene with Yazan and company felt a little too contemporary in wording and tone, IMO. Also, the scene with Apolli and Gafgarion seemed a little too... Mr. Exposition... when it came to the recap.
"On the other hand, the impromptu negotiator’s was more than handsome—it was almost beautiful..."- Missing noun, I believe.
"podunk"- Eh, for some reason a nineteenth-century American word of Algonquin derivation felt kind of wrong in an FE fanfic.
"Yet it was no mere egress"- Actually, given you described specifically as an *entrance* in the previous sentence, "ingress" might be the better choice.
"So when she…suffered he wound"- Missing a "t" there.
"Yulia’s mend staff"- In context it should probably be a capital "M" there.
"As angry as he was over losing more than a thousand gold in pay, as he watched his friends bicker with each other he had to admit Braddock had a point."- Given the previous line referred to Braddock, you might want to make this clear that the POV is Renault.
OK, end nitpicks. The feeling of building suspense as all the different narrative threads- tension in the Church, the issues between the King and his nobles, the antics of Khyron and Exedol, the fates of Scirocco and Sorveno, Meris and her Master- came together was excellent. It's great to see that Monica and Henken are serving a purpose beyond setting up Renault's backstory; I am a firm believer in the Law of Economy of Characters, and so I welcomed the appearance of the Red Comet. Basically, a strong and satisfying chapter with a few minor flaws and oddities.
93Mark of the AsphodelAll right! Loved the rotating POV here, not to mention the number of shoes that dropped. The "Jobs" theme felt nice and organic, and I really appreciated the structure to this one. Quibbles first: the scene with Yazan and company felt a little too contemporary in wording and tone, IMO. Also, the scene with Apolli and Gafgarion seemed a little too... Mr. Exposition... when it came to the recap.
"On the other hand, the impromptu negotiator’s was more than handsome—it was almost beautiful..."- Missing noun, I believe.
"podunk"- Eh, for some reason a nineteenth-century American word of Algonquin derivation felt kind of wrong in an FE fanfic.
"Yet it was no mere egress"- Actually, given you described specifically as an *entrance* in the previous sentence, "ingress" might be the better choice.
"So when she…suffered he wound"- Missing a "t" there.
"Yulia’s mend staff"- In context it should probably be a capital "M" there.
"As angry as he was over losing more than a thousand gold in pay, as he watched his friends bicker with each other he had to admit Braddock had a point."- Given the previous line referred to Braddock, you might want to make this clear that the POV is Renault.
OK, end nitpicks. The feeling of building suspense as all the different narrative threads- tension in the Church, the issues between the King and his nobles, the antics of Khyron and Exedol, the fates of Scirocco and Sorveno, Meris and her Master- came together was excellent. It's great to see that Monica and Henken are serving a purpose beyond setting up Renault's backstory; I am a firm believer in the Law of Economy of Characters, and so I welcomed the appearance of the Red Comet. Basically, a strong and satisfying chapter with a few minor flaws and oddities.
8/21/2009 c12 102Writer Awakened
Hey there, gunlord! Just dropping by to leave a review. For an "intermission" chapter, there sure was a LOT of juicy stuff going on in this chap. This chapter is definitely one of my favorites, and it leaves us hanging off a pretty big cliff there at the end. Nice.
First of all, good to see more of Renault and co. So Renault's finally beginning his descent into darkness- quite literally. I'm interested to see what's up with Braddock and Tassar too, though. Both of them sound like they have a few skeletons in their closet. And I have to wonder if maybe Tassar has a few REALLY big ones himself.
This was a long chapter, but for the most part it didn't drag on too much. Good to see characters from previous chapters- Monica and Henken, in particular- make their reappearance. The "Red Comet", huh? Sounds pretty badass.
Heh, I liked the little references to 300 and FFT (Ajora, Gafgarion) and stuff. Also, some of the background information- particularly the descriptions of the Tower of the Saint and the descriptions of the theological affairs of Elibe- were very interesting to read. Is the Tower of the Saint where that gaiden chapter in FE6 takes place? The one with Douglas and all the Berserk-using Bishops and Sages? Man, that chap was a pain in the arse XD
Hmm, a religion that references the number 8? Maybe Buddhism, with the Eightfold Path and whatnot? Sounds pretty good to me.
I did notice a number of spelling errors here and there ("Illia" instead of "Ilia", for one example) but none that detracted from the meat of the story at all, so it's not really a big deal.
Though, at one point, you wrote: ("The greatest of these was Aerial, her legendary spellbook which was one of the Eight Divine Weapons which had driven away the dragons, seven hundred and three years ago.") - I've only known that particular Tome as Aureole (as in a corona, or halo of light): did you mean to write "Aerial"?
So, all in all, another top-quality chapter. Keep on keeping on, bro :D
102Writer AwakenedHey there, gunlord! Just dropping by to leave a review. For an "intermission" chapter, there sure was a LOT of juicy stuff going on in this chap. This chapter is definitely one of my favorites, and it leaves us hanging off a pretty big cliff there at the end. Nice.
First of all, good to see more of Renault and co. So Renault's finally beginning his descent into darkness- quite literally. I'm interested to see what's up with Braddock and Tassar too, though. Both of them sound like they have a few skeletons in their closet. And I have to wonder if maybe Tassar has a few REALLY big ones himself.
This was a long chapter, but for the most part it didn't drag on too much. Good to see characters from previous chapters- Monica and Henken, in particular- make their reappearance. The "Red Comet", huh? Sounds pretty badass.
Heh, I liked the little references to 300 and FFT (Ajora, Gafgarion) and stuff. Also, some of the background information- particularly the descriptions of the Tower of the Saint and the descriptions of the theological affairs of Elibe- were very interesting to read. Is the Tower of the Saint where that gaiden chapter in FE6 takes place? The one with Douglas and all the Berserk-using Bishops and Sages? Man, that chap was a pain in the arse XD
Hmm, a religion that references the number 8? Maybe Buddhism, with the Eightfold Path and whatnot? Sounds pretty good to me.
I did notice a number of spelling errors here and there ("Illia" instead of "Ilia", for one example) but none that detracted from the meat of the story at all, so it's not really a big deal.
Though, at one point, you wrote: ("The greatest of these was Aerial, her legendary spellbook which was one of the Eight Divine Weapons which had driven away the dragons, seven hundred and three years ago.") - I've only known that particular Tome as Aureole (as in a corona, or halo of light): did you mean to write "Aerial"?
So, all in all, another top-quality chapter. Keep on keeping on, bro :D
7/25/2009 c7 16Alkeni
Well, I've read 6 & 7, not much to comment on, except that They're very good, and also to ask: Are you basing this off of the like of St. Augustine at all?
16AlkeniWell, I've read 6 & 7, not much to comment on, except that They're very good, and also to ask: Are you basing this off of the like of St. Augustine at all?
7/23/2009 c5 Alkeni
Well, another good chapter.
My guess is that Meris's Master = Nergal, but I'm probably WAY, WAY off.
Other than that, a fine chapter, although it lacked the major though provokation that I've kinda been coming to expect. Ah well, well written piece, enjoyable scenes, and all thinking and no fun makes reading unenjoyable eh?
Well, another good chapter.
My guess is that Meris's Master = Nergal, but I'm probably WAY, WAY off.
Other than that, a fine chapter, although it lacked the major though provokation that I've kinda been coming to expect. Ah well, well written piece, enjoyable scenes, and all thinking and no fun makes reading unenjoyable eh?
7/23/2009 c4 Alkeni
Another excellent chapter, although untill the end, I thought it was a little lackluster. You departed the heavy philisophical stuff (which I really, really enjoy) for the character interaction and the build-up to the action sequence.
I did like the centralized v.s. decentralized arguement, which is one of my favorite historio-political philisophical dualities. And again, you presented both sides /excellently/ with full understanding of the key underpinnings of the debate.
My favorite line, which accurately represents my view on the matter, is from Braddock.
“I wouldn’t have as much of a problem with Eliminism if most of its adherents were nice, like Yulia. People like your mom are what make me hate it."
Granted, Renault has somewhat misrepresented his mother, but It still makes its point very clear and accurately.
And I admit, I'm not overly curious about why Braddock dislikes Eliminism, because its fairly easy to have issues with a church that works like Eliminism(/Medieval catholic church.)
Again, very good, keep it up.
Another excellent chapter, although untill the end, I thought it was a little lackluster. You departed the heavy philisophical stuff (which I really, really enjoy) for the character interaction and the build-up to the action sequence.
I did like the centralized v.s. decentralized arguement, which is one of my favorite historio-political philisophical dualities. And again, you presented both sides /excellently/ with full understanding of the key underpinnings of the debate.
My favorite line, which accurately represents my view on the matter, is from Braddock.
“I wouldn’t have as much of a problem with Eliminism if most of its adherents were nice, like Yulia. People like your mom are what make me hate it."
Granted, Renault has somewhat misrepresented his mother, but It still makes its point very clear and accurately.
And I admit, I'm not overly curious about why Braddock dislikes Eliminism, because its fairly easy to have issues with a church that works like Eliminism(/Medieval catholic church.)
Again, very good, keep it up.
7/23/2009 c3 Alkeni
Well, I've gotten around to reading chapters Two and Three. I'm not sure how much I can take at once. Its rather heavy, even philosphical at times reading. So I'll have to wait a bit before I come back to it. Again, you capture many of the key ideas of Athiesm very well, while still leaving flaws in Renault's own arguements to himself that will one day lead him to his 180. It allows a perfect foreshadowing to the ending we expect.
This hasn't quite reached *Epic* for me, but my defintions of Epic certainly are rather differant than others (For reference, not on Fire Emblem fic has reached Epic for me /yet/ although this one and the MTGxFE crossover are the closest.)
I especially like the Linear Notes idea, which intresting, is rather similar to my Design Notes Idea (I had always planned writing a 'chapter' on inspirations for OCs, orginal info, characterizations etc, once I finish a fic [which has yet to come granted.]). The Linear notes allow the reader to place your story in the proper context in regards to our world, and I think that is an excellent idea. And So far, all your historical tie-ins have been perfect from my rather extensives studies in the subject. (I aim to be a History Professor at the college Level some day, and have put a lot of work into extracirricular historical reading and study. If you ever want to check a historical fact or need to find something out, feel free to ask me. Although so far, I don't think you really need to.
This is Enilas, Signing off.
Well, I've gotten around to reading chapters Two and Three. I'm not sure how much I can take at once. Its rather heavy, even philosphical at times reading. So I'll have to wait a bit before I come back to it. Again, you capture many of the key ideas of Athiesm very well, while still leaving flaws in Renault's own arguements to himself that will one day lead him to his 180. It allows a perfect foreshadowing to the ending we expect.
This hasn't quite reached *Epic* for me, but my defintions of Epic certainly are rather differant than others (For reference, not on Fire Emblem fic has reached Epic for me /yet/ although this one and the MTGxFE crossover are the closest.)
I especially like the Linear Notes idea, which intresting, is rather similar to my Design Notes Idea (I had always planned writing a 'chapter' on inspirations for OCs, orginal info, characterizations etc, once I finish a fic [which has yet to come granted.]). The Linear notes allow the reader to place your story in the proper context in regards to our world, and I think that is an excellent idea. And So far, all your historical tie-ins have been perfect from my rather extensives studies in the subject. (I aim to be a History Professor at the college Level some day, and have put a lot of work into extracirricular historical reading and study. If you ever want to check a historical fact or need to find something out, feel free to ask me. Although so far, I don't think you really need to.
This is Enilas, Signing off.
7/22/2009 c4 17HellfireSupremacy
And now the action starts. Renault's first battle, huzzah! Can't wait to see how this goes down.
17HellfireSupremacyAnd now the action starts. Renault's first battle, huzzah! Can't wait to see how this goes down.
7/21/2009 c3 HellfireSupremacy
Long chapter is long. Still good though. Nice plot development with the political posturing between Etruria and Bern; makes sense that the two most powerful nations on Elibe have a history of hostile rivalry pre-dating FE6.
Long chapter is long. Still good though. Nice plot development with the political posturing between Etruria and Bern; makes sense that the two most powerful nations on Elibe have a history of hostile rivalry pre-dating FE6.
7/21/2009 c2 HellfireSupremacy
Hooray for good writing. Renault as a stone mason? Alright...I can buy that.
Concerning the theme of this chapter: Heaven. My own religion doesn't have much to say about the afterlife, and I've never really put to much thought into the whole heaven/hell dogma. Thats more of a Christian thing; Jewish theology is all about the lives you touched while you were alive and the memories you left behind with friends and family. You live on in the memories of those closest to you in life. Treat those people right and they will remember you fondly.
So yeah...as a matter of life experience I can't really empathize with the whole "is my dad in heaven?" train-of-thought. I can however appreciate the significance of such thoughts in a religion that places its main focus on the question "is my soul going to heaven or hell?"
Hooray for good writing. Renault as a stone mason? Alright...I can buy that.
Concerning the theme of this chapter: Heaven. My own religion doesn't have much to say about the afterlife, and I've never really put to much thought into the whole heaven/hell dogma. Thats more of a Christian thing; Jewish theology is all about the lives you touched while you were alive and the memories you left behind with friends and family. You live on in the memories of those closest to you in life. Treat those people right and they will remember you fondly.
So yeah...as a matter of life experience I can't really empathize with the whole "is my dad in heaven?" train-of-thought. I can however appreciate the significance of such thoughts in a religion that places its main focus on the question "is my soul going to heaven or hell?"
7/21/2009 c1 HellfireSupremacy
You’ve been such a good sport with MTG/FE, it would just be plain rude if I didn’t reciprocate with words of praise for this crown jewel of a story. You list several Renault-centric fics in your author’s notes, all of which you say are supposedly “better” than this one. Come now: either you’re just being modest, or you honestly don’t realize how excellent your own writing is.
Your portrayal of a rebellious young Renault questioning his mother’s religion is flawlessly executed. And the manner in which Renault comes to question his faith—asking how a loving, all-powerful God could allow a pious man to die young—is breath-taking in its realism. It is a commonly asked question in every religion: if God is loving and all powerful, then why do bad things happen to good people? Every major religion needs to have a well thought out answer to this question. Christians, for example, believe the suffering of the pious is a consequence of Original Sin. Hindus explain suffering through their doctrine of Karma, and Hebrew scholars address the subject academically in the commentaries of the Talmud.
I’ll never forget the day in my own synagogue where I first became aware of the question as a subject of theological debate. A heartbroken mother asked my Rabbi why God allowed her four-year-old son to die from childhood leukemia. That Saturday it was the subject of the Shabbat sermon: why bad things happen to good people. Quoting the scholarly works of Harold Kushner, the Rabbi went on to explain:
“Misfortune and death have special meanings…meanings we must appreciate before we can respond to open questions…”
“…What we gratuitously call ‘acts of God’ are sometimes acts of destructive men and sometimes acts of blind, inflexible nature. The obvious, and very important, question which must be asked at this point is ‘If God doesn’t cause these things, and if He can’t prevent them, what good is He? What good is God in a world where tragic and undeserved fates befall people at random?”
“ …God gives men the intelligence and the desire to help others—so that they invent artificial limbs and search for drugs to cure or slow down disease. He gives the suffering person and his family the strength to console each other and go on living.”
“…To the extent that Man uses his intelligence and develops his conscience, he turns to God in order to reduce chaos and misfortune. When man becomes more godly, when he spends more of his resources on medical research and care for the needy…there will be fewer tragic ‘acts of God’ on Earth.”
And this, good sir, is why I’m already in love with this story. It’s not just entertaining. It’s thought provoking. After one chapter it has me mulling over questions most profound; things I’d thought I’d pushed out of my mind years ago. I find myself empathizing with Renault’s questioning of his mother and his god. I know so many people who have had their faith shaken by that very same train-of-thought you portray in the Bishop’s wayward son.
You’ve been such a good sport with MTG/FE, it would just be plain rude if I didn’t reciprocate with words of praise for this crown jewel of a story. You list several Renault-centric fics in your author’s notes, all of which you say are supposedly “better” than this one. Come now: either you’re just being modest, or you honestly don’t realize how excellent your own writing is.
Your portrayal of a rebellious young Renault questioning his mother’s religion is flawlessly executed. And the manner in which Renault comes to question his faith—asking how a loving, all-powerful God could allow a pious man to die young—is breath-taking in its realism. It is a commonly asked question in every religion: if God is loving and all powerful, then why do bad things happen to good people? Every major religion needs to have a well thought out answer to this question. Christians, for example, believe the suffering of the pious is a consequence of Original Sin. Hindus explain suffering through their doctrine of Karma, and Hebrew scholars address the subject academically in the commentaries of the Talmud.
I’ll never forget the day in my own synagogue where I first became aware of the question as a subject of theological debate. A heartbroken mother asked my Rabbi why God allowed her four-year-old son to die from childhood leukemia. That Saturday it was the subject of the Shabbat sermon: why bad things happen to good people. Quoting the scholarly works of Harold Kushner, the Rabbi went on to explain:
“Misfortune and death have special meanings…meanings we must appreciate before we can respond to open questions…”
“…What we gratuitously call ‘acts of God’ are sometimes acts of destructive men and sometimes acts of blind, inflexible nature. The obvious, and very important, question which must be asked at this point is ‘If God doesn’t cause these things, and if He can’t prevent them, what good is He? What good is God in a world where tragic and undeserved fates befall people at random?”
“ …God gives men the intelligence and the desire to help others—so that they invent artificial limbs and search for drugs to cure or slow down disease. He gives the suffering person and his family the strength to console each other and go on living.”
“…To the extent that Man uses his intelligence and develops his conscience, he turns to God in order to reduce chaos and misfortune. When man becomes more godly, when he spends more of his resources on medical research and care for the needy…there will be fewer tragic ‘acts of God’ on Earth.”
And this, good sir, is why I’m already in love with this story. It’s not just entertaining. It’s thought provoking. After one chapter it has me mulling over questions most profound; things I’d thought I’d pushed out of my mind years ago. I find myself empathizing with Renault’s questioning of his mother and his god. I know so many people who have had their faith shaken by that very same train-of-thought you portray in the Bishop’s wayward son.