for how far can you go?2/15/2009 c3 
12Darkia
It wouldn't be bad had I not read like 20 other fics that have started off this way. I mean no offense but like I said, it's been done before. Truthfully... I like your last fic, Infidelity better. It had originality. Like I said, OK start but it just feels... done if you know what I mean. Sorry if I offended you.
-Darkia-
12DarkiaIt wouldn't be bad had I not read like 20 other fics that have started off this way. I mean no offense but like I said, it's been done before. Truthfully... I like your last fic, Infidelity better. It had originality. Like I said, OK start but it just feels... done if you know what I mean. Sorry if I offended you.
-Darkia-
10/13/2007 c4 21serenityrain2233
short and sweet i loved the detail in this chapter.
bye now... hope she marries him...
21serenityrain2233short and sweet i loved the detail in this chapter.
bye now... hope she marries him...
10/17/2006 c1 13Arienhod
I love it! And I can't wait for the next chapter. I'm sure it's gonna be as good as this one.
13ArienhodI love it! And I can't wait for the next chapter. I'm sure it's gonna be as good as this one.
10/16/2006 c1 12NachtMusik
It's a bit confusing to read. Some sentences are written strangely and it's difficult to figure out the meaning.
"...We rebuild it, every one from Fanelia”
What do you mean by that? That everyone IN Fanelia rebuilt it? Additionally, make sure you pick either a present or past tense for your verbs. Everyone is also one word, not two.
There also seems to be a lot of pronoun trouble. Where it feels like there should be a 'her' there is 'his' or 'him.'
Lastly, remember punctuation at the end of every sentence. I have noticed a lot of sentences do not have punctuation of any kind.
Go back, re-read your own work, and fix the errors that you can. In the long run it'll improve your writing.
12NachtMusikIt's a bit confusing to read. Some sentences are written strangely and it's difficult to figure out the meaning.
"...We rebuild it, every one from Fanelia”
What do you mean by that? That everyone IN Fanelia rebuilt it? Additionally, make sure you pick either a present or past tense for your verbs. Everyone is also one word, not two.
There also seems to be a lot of pronoun trouble. Where it feels like there should be a 'her' there is 'his' or 'him.'
Lastly, remember punctuation at the end of every sentence. I have noticed a lot of sentences do not have punctuation of any kind.
Go back, re-read your own work, and fix the errors that you can. In the long run it'll improve your writing.