8/8/2012 c1 1MasterXMaster
This first chapter was really really good. Makoto and Ichigo are perfectly in-character, as all Ichigo's family!

7/14/2009 c2 nadeshikoyuna
Please please please continue! I really like this story very much! Don't abandoned it! Mako-chan's my fav senshi, it's so hard to find great stories centering on her...

3/12/2008 c2 2lady pyro1
This fic is hott With a double T. I really like the unique appeal it has to it. I always review a fic when I believe it has some kind of unique appeal to it. I never really thought of a Rei/Byakuya, even though she is my favorite senshi. I always thought of Setsuna/Byakuya, which is what I am writing now. But , it turns out to be pretty good! I lvoe Hotaru/Toshiro! They are just too adorable.

12/6/2007 c2 13Girl-chama
Well, I'll start by saying the story is promising. I have a lot to say, but my thoughts are a little wrangled so forget me if I ramble a bit.

I like that for the most part your characters are *in* character. Makoto is prone to anger and prone to thinking before she acts, but it doesn't rule her absolutely. I think that in some situations you would be being kinder to her (without OOCing her,) to actually have her think about her actions beforehand, or what's going on around her. Like when she was sitting with the Kurosaki family at dinner in chapter one. She doesn't really know them, even Ichigo, whom she had just met that day. If she had chosen to confide something so personal about her dead parents, I don't think she would have done so in such great detail. I also don't think she would have broken down in the way she did. According to canon, it 'happened a long time ago,' and the only time she ever brought it up in the manga (which is what you'd have to be drawing from to follow the airplane crash scenario,) she did it wistfully, but with a quiet strength. She didn't get all weepy. In your story, she is even older than that time in the manga. So it doesn't make sense for her to start crying and everything. She claims that she's been remembering such things since entering Karakura, but you only mention it briefly then and give no other explanation as to why she might be remembering.

I think Ichigo's reactions, as well as those of the other Bleach characters, are spot-on. You've blatantly stated that you're going to be shipping Ichigo and Makoto in this story, so I am glad that you haven't had them fall in love right off the bat. Ichigo is not the type to fall in love with anyone quickly, or slowly for that matter. He's probably more likely to move at the pace of a lethargic slug... The fact that he yells right back at her and calls her names as well is a good thing. It's how he is! So that's good!

Makoto acting all clingy in the presence of the hell gate is not good. Scared is good. Scared witless is canon. Clinging to Ichigo is not good. Also not good is her barging in on him. She's got enough manners and is modest enough that she really would have knocked on his door, if she had gone to his room at all.

Sorry if it seems like I am nitpicking. It's not my intention. I am just trying to point out some examples of where you should be more thoughtful in your writing. The main flaw I am seeing is that your story is moving too fast without really accomplishing anything. A lot is happening, but the plot is not really moving forward. Makoto was fighting tooth and nail after her fight with (Zaraki?) to go after Hotaru and Rei. Then she succumbs to Isshin's will for her to go to school (which was probably too forward for him, anyway. I think it's been shown that a lot of his flightiness is for show- so that none of his kids know exactly how serious he is.) You should slow down a bit and fill out what you are writing her. Maybe throw in some conflict at certain points of how Makoto feels she is being held back by her sudden obligation to the Kurosaki family. She knows she has a greater duty- her friends LIVES are in danger and suddenly she realizes that it is pointless for her to be going to school. She is more the kind of person who would wait on Kisuke Uruhara's shop until he "came home," AKA let her in, rather than biding her time pointlessly.

A last little bit and then I'll go:

Makoto and the "Inners" are not nearly so informal with Haruka and the others as you have portrayed them. I think a lot of your presentation of them is from fandom understanding. Haruka would never, without some prior background for the audience, call Makoto "Koto," which is a musical instrument, or Blossom. The only one she ever nicknamed was Usagi, though you seem aware of that. Michiru's characterization was more on target with "Makoto-chan." Or more simply, Makoto. Japanese people don't *always* use chan for younger people. Likewise, Makoto would not call her "Ruka," but would more likely call her Haruka-san. Actually this story, if you made them work together with Ichigo, would be a perfect setup for them to become better friends so they could eventually use such nicknames. Because really, otherswise, they don't know each other all that well.

Makoto is not so familiar with boys as to call them Strawberry-kun right off the bat (though I guess I should thank you for leaving the sempai bit out of it, since that always makes me cringe...) I think that she and Kurosaki would fall in love more in the heat of battle and out of a respect for one another than what you are portraying at this point.

Whew... Sorry that was so long ^_^;;

I really DO like the premise of this story. Kino Makoto is my all-time favorite anime character and Bleach is one of my new favorites so it's nice to actually see a crossover with them. At least one actually trying to do justice to Makoto. Keep up the good work and PM me if you want any other constructive feedback.

8/16/2007 c2 WillowFae
update soon! :)

7/23/2007 c1 8divine corruption
O.O OOPs I meant Mako-chan...

7/20/2007 c2 9Harpygirl91
Okay Ichigo and Makoto are so freaking hilarious. I'm dying here!

7/15/2007 c2 3dimonyo-anghel
HEHE I love it! How does Setsuna know Urahara? Is there going to be another Setsuna with Mako's Sensei in this fic? What's the secret behind Rei's bracelet? I can't wait for the update!