for The Ties of Fate7/10/2007 c2 
2BlueShadowStar
Damn I can't believe this... I swear I submited a review yesterday, and isn't it my unpleasant surprise to find out that my review hadn't been submited? So sorry about that, but anyways, this was a kick ass chapter, as always, and there were certain parts I couldn't stop myself from laughing, which resulted in me trying to not fall of my chair and not waking my sister who was already fast asslep XD... I'm sure I was pretty red... And I can't stop mentioning that one of those scenes is when Ichigo is caught with his hand in the wrong place... Damn hentai lion plushie...
By the way, I was trying to figure out who was the person watching the scene in the room rather maliciously, when it clicked: Kon had to be the one, and I only realised that when I read further on XD That cause one hell of a laughing fit, and I'm still tryingmy best not to start laughing, since I'm going to work in a bit and I don't want to start laughing like crazy out of the blue (don't wanna scare my colleages)
I'm proud you know. You my friend have a fine trait as a writer, and you know why, because all of your characters are in... well, character. It's amazing how Ichigo is his right self, almost all of the time with a scowl, Kon his little perverted self, Jinta was his bad ass self aswell... and well that counts with all of the bleach cast. Nice job.
I also wander if the one in the classroom was our pridefull Quincy Ishida? We'll see in the future I supose. Hotaru's scene was so sweet. Just like her to go ahead and forgive her captors. About Rei, hm, that makes me think if her father wasn't a Shinnigami? I guess that would give arather interesting plot to her background... Her father leaving like that... giving her mother a bracelet... I think I might have grasped the concept, although I also believe that you will yet surprise me with an interesting plot twist.
I just wan't you to keep up the good work and get well soon enough, at least untill your 100%. Good joband see you soon. Ja ne ;)
2BlueShadowStarDamn I can't believe this... I swear I submited a review yesterday, and isn't it my unpleasant surprise to find out that my review hadn't been submited? So sorry about that, but anyways, this was a kick ass chapter, as always, and there were certain parts I couldn't stop myself from laughing, which resulted in me trying to not fall of my chair and not waking my sister who was already fast asslep XD... I'm sure I was pretty red... And I can't stop mentioning that one of those scenes is when Ichigo is caught with his hand in the wrong place... Damn hentai lion plushie...
By the way, I was trying to figure out who was the person watching the scene in the room rather maliciously, when it clicked: Kon had to be the one, and I only realised that when I read further on XD That cause one hell of a laughing fit, and I'm still tryingmy best not to start laughing, since I'm going to work in a bit and I don't want to start laughing like crazy out of the blue (don't wanna scare my colleages)
I'm proud you know. You my friend have a fine trait as a writer, and you know why, because all of your characters are in... well, character. It's amazing how Ichigo is his right self, almost all of the time with a scowl, Kon his little perverted self, Jinta was his bad ass self aswell... and well that counts with all of the bleach cast. Nice job.
I also wander if the one in the classroom was our pridefull Quincy Ishida? We'll see in the future I supose. Hotaru's scene was so sweet. Just like her to go ahead and forgive her captors. About Rei, hm, that makes me think if her father wasn't a Shinnigami? I guess that would give arather interesting plot to her background... Her father leaving like that... giving her mother a bracelet... I think I might have grasped the concept, although I also believe that you will yet surprise me with an interesting plot twist.
I just wan't you to keep up the good work and get well soon enough, at least untill your 100%. Good joband see you soon. Ja ne ;)
7/9/2007 c2 45Angel-eyes56
I loved the Rei/Byakuya at the end of the chapter. I wonder what the history of the bracelet is. Hakura and Ichigo sure don't get along. Must be because they are so alike. Can't wait to read more. I'm wonder what the soul society has planned for Rei and Hotaru. See you next chapter.
45Angel-eyes56I loved the Rei/Byakuya at the end of the chapter. I wonder what the history of the bracelet is. Hakura and Ichigo sure don't get along. Must be because they are so alike. Can't wait to read more. I'm wonder what the soul society has planned for Rei and Hotaru. See you next chapter.
7/9/2007 c2 9BlitzVonKrieg
Well done lass, well done indeed. Keep it up. As for the bracelet, uh, I got nothin'. Though it might be some ancient relic, the symbol of the treaty between the soul society & the silver millenium, maybe even Raye's father was a soul reaper. Those are my only guesses. Anyhow, well done. I applaud you.
9BlitzVonKriegWell done lass, well done indeed. Keep it up. As for the bracelet, uh, I got nothin'. Though it might be some ancient relic, the symbol of the treaty between the soul society & the silver millenium, maybe even Raye's father was a soul reaper. Those are my only guesses. Anyhow, well done. I applaud you.
7/8/2007 c2 lil-saturn-goddess
it's ok so far...i'm kind of curious to know...why soul society needs them...anyway...good chapter...
it's ok so far...i'm kind of curious to know...why soul society needs them...anyway...good chapter...
7/7/2007 c2 19l-annethunder
Reviewing again, great chappter the few grammar mistakes you made aside. Moving on yay for Makoto domination, (she's my favorite anyway so I'm a little biased). Thanx for the pic. I aplaude the artists work they get my props as does your story so far. I laughed my but off. Katness you rock.
19l-annethunderReviewing again, great chappter the few grammar mistakes you made aside. Moving on yay for Makoto domination, (she's my favorite anyway so I'm a little biased). Thanx for the pic. I aplaude the artists work they get my props as does your story so far. I laughed my but off. Katness you rock.
7/7/2007 c2 7Lady Xiao
I like this alot! I am excited to hear that Rei-chan and Hota-chan will be in the next chapter more! Rei-chan is my fave scout, so the possibility of Rei-chan romance makes me smile!
Update soon! Great job!
Xx Lady Xiao xX
7Lady XiaoI like this alot! I am excited to hear that Rei-chan and Hota-chan will be in the next chapter more! Rei-chan is my fave scout, so the possibility of Rei-chan romance makes me smile!
Update soon! Great job!
Xx Lady Xiao xX
7/7/2007 c2 1agoraphobia
Yay.~ Updates are always the thing to cheer my days up. Yes, indeed! And, it's this story that was updated no less! SQUEE. See, after I read the first chapter I when back and started re-watching BLEACH on YouTube because in my words, "They did a pretty crappy job at dubbing BLEACH." And, hey, I'm not the kind of girl to wait every week for an episode I don't even want to see, damned fillers! ANYWHO, sorry about that rant, but I love this chapter.~ Poor Hota and Rei, being trapped in the Soul Society without being rightfully given any answers as to why they're there. I even feel WORSE for poor Makoto! Having to deal with a freaky-ass Hollow AND having to see Kurosaki naked! One tough day for the poor girl, geesh. Though, I guess she's not complaining about the whole "OMIGAWDISEEICHIGONAKIE." thing! I couldn't stop laughing.~ You had better continue this soon! I wanna know why Mr. Stoic wants to know where Rei got her braclet from! Better it was from her brother/sister shinigami, ne?
1agoraphobiaYay.~ Updates are always the thing to cheer my days up. Yes, indeed! And, it's this story that was updated no less! SQUEE. See, after I read the first chapter I when back and started re-watching BLEACH on YouTube because in my words, "They did a pretty crappy job at dubbing BLEACH." And, hey, I'm not the kind of girl to wait every week for an episode I don't even want to see, damned fillers! ANYWHO, sorry about that rant, but I love this chapter.~ Poor Hota and Rei, being trapped in the Soul Society without being rightfully given any answers as to why they're there. I even feel WORSE for poor Makoto! Having to deal with a freaky-ass Hollow AND having to see Kurosaki naked! One tough day for the poor girl, geesh. Though, I guess she's not complaining about the whole "OMIGAWDISEEICHIGONAKIE." thing! I couldn't stop laughing.~ You had better continue this soon! I wanna know why Mr. Stoic wants to know where Rei got her braclet from! Better it was from her brother/sister shinigami, ne?
7/7/2007 c1 25Cygnea
Your biggest problem, I think, and what immediately makes me grimace, is your sentence structure. Most of your paragraphs are made up of just one or two one lines, many of which are run-ons (like when Setsuna explains to find Ichigo), have or need extra commas, or just awkwardly worded. You’ve also got some random capitalization running around: the –chan suffix and word Henshin were two I saw and remembered. There’s no need to add multiple exclamation points to a person’s statement as their actions and words should more than enough to let us know how they feel. You’re loosing lightening for lightning which isn’t the same thing at all.
The informal attitude between the Inner and Outers caught me off guard, and is a big problem for me (Haruka calling Makto ‘kitten’ – her nickname for Usagi – Rei calling Hotaru ‘Firefly’, Makoto calling Setsuna ‘Suna’). Haruka certainly wouldn’t call Makoto ‘kitten’ since that’s her nickname for Usagi, and the relationship between the two groups has never been that informal. The Inners address the Outers with the –san suffix to show their respect, and while I think the Outers add –chan, I’d have to check to be sure, I can’t recall them ever shortening someone’s name. I’m pretty confident that no one would be calling Setsuna ‘Suna’.
I also think addressing Hotaru firefly is just repetitive, rather like calling Usagi rabbit. Since it’s a direct translation of her name, while we might be reading something different it’s still the exact same thing for the characters. Unless, I suppose, they’re saying it in English?
You use way too many ellipses (…). Glancing at your story now I can see nearly twenty on one page when they’re much more effective if used sparingly.
The random Japanese words aren’t doing anything for me. You’re writing the story in English so, unless the situation calls for it – a language barrier for example – I see no reason not to just use ‘thank you’ instead of ‘arigato’, and I’m including the phrase ‘Oh my Kami’ in this.
It wasn’t in this chapter, but I’m wary of calling Hotaru the Soldier of Death and Rebirth since it isn’t technically correct. In both the manga and anime, no one ever addresses her as such. I’ve seen Soldier of Silence, Soldier of Death and Soldier of Ruin and Birth (which is commonly mistranslated as what you put), but never the above officially mentioned.
You also never state when this takes place in either anime, which is mildly confusing. I’m assuming it’s after Stars since Saturn is awake and no one is making a big deal out of it, what with her awakening signaling destruction and all that, or is it simply AU?
How did Makoto get to Ichigo’s world? Did Setsuna transport her somehow? You kind of just glossed over that, and her explanation to Ichigo struck me as too long. He doesn’t need to know they were on the way to the movies and Hotaru had just turned fourteen. Saying that someone from the Soul Society attacked and kidnapped her friends would have worked just as fine, if not better. If you’re adding this information for the reader, there are smoother ways to include it. Also, how in the world did Ichigo’s father sign her up for school if he knows nothing about her? I get the feeling that you wanted to put her in his class for plot or character interaction but couldn't think of a way to do it so just mentioned the entire thing in passing.
I’m also assuming the issues between the Soul Society and Silver Millennium will be explained later (why they chose Jupiter as the only one allowed to enter, why they’re so harsh on anyone caught there without permission – I mean, extracting Sailor Crystals? How do they even do that? – and why they needed an agreement in the first place)? I would have thought the Soldiers would have reacted more to this being revealed, too, since Queen Serenity herself thought they shouldn’t know about it and I know I'd be curious as to what else Setsuna knew about the danger I was blindly walking into.
Telling your readers to ignore your grammar mistakes is, well, odd and that's putting it lightly. Wouldn’t you want to know about them so you could fix them and wouldn’t you look for them yourself before you posted? It’s hard to improve when you ask your readers to gloss over your errors like they don’t exist and it also insults your audience by saying it's not worth the effort to present your best work.
I haven’t gotten around to completely reading the second chapter yet, but since I saw in your profile you want to become a writer, I hope you take this as someone trying to help you improve and not put you down.
25CygneaYour biggest problem, I think, and what immediately makes me grimace, is your sentence structure. Most of your paragraphs are made up of just one or two one lines, many of which are run-ons (like when Setsuna explains to find Ichigo), have or need extra commas, or just awkwardly worded. You’ve also got some random capitalization running around: the –chan suffix and word Henshin were two I saw and remembered. There’s no need to add multiple exclamation points to a person’s statement as their actions and words should more than enough to let us know how they feel. You’re loosing lightening for lightning which isn’t the same thing at all.
The informal attitude between the Inner and Outers caught me off guard, and is a big problem for me (Haruka calling Makto ‘kitten’ – her nickname for Usagi – Rei calling Hotaru ‘Firefly’, Makoto calling Setsuna ‘Suna’). Haruka certainly wouldn’t call Makoto ‘kitten’ since that’s her nickname for Usagi, and the relationship between the two groups has never been that informal. The Inners address the Outers with the –san suffix to show their respect, and while I think the Outers add –chan, I’d have to check to be sure, I can’t recall them ever shortening someone’s name. I’m pretty confident that no one would be calling Setsuna ‘Suna’.
I also think addressing Hotaru firefly is just repetitive, rather like calling Usagi rabbit. Since it’s a direct translation of her name, while we might be reading something different it’s still the exact same thing for the characters. Unless, I suppose, they’re saying it in English?
You use way too many ellipses (…). Glancing at your story now I can see nearly twenty on one page when they’re much more effective if used sparingly.
The random Japanese words aren’t doing anything for me. You’re writing the story in English so, unless the situation calls for it – a language barrier for example – I see no reason not to just use ‘thank you’ instead of ‘arigato’, and I’m including the phrase ‘Oh my Kami’ in this.
It wasn’t in this chapter, but I’m wary of calling Hotaru the Soldier of Death and Rebirth since it isn’t technically correct. In both the manga and anime, no one ever addresses her as such. I’ve seen Soldier of Silence, Soldier of Death and Soldier of Ruin and Birth (which is commonly mistranslated as what you put), but never the above officially mentioned.
You also never state when this takes place in either anime, which is mildly confusing. I’m assuming it’s after Stars since Saturn is awake and no one is making a big deal out of it, what with her awakening signaling destruction and all that, or is it simply AU?
How did Makoto get to Ichigo’s world? Did Setsuna transport her somehow? You kind of just glossed over that, and her explanation to Ichigo struck me as too long. He doesn’t need to know they were on the way to the movies and Hotaru had just turned fourteen. Saying that someone from the Soul Society attacked and kidnapped her friends would have worked just as fine, if not better. If you’re adding this information for the reader, there are smoother ways to include it. Also, how in the world did Ichigo’s father sign her up for school if he knows nothing about her? I get the feeling that you wanted to put her in his class for plot or character interaction but couldn't think of a way to do it so just mentioned the entire thing in passing.
I’m also assuming the issues between the Soul Society and Silver Millennium will be explained later (why they chose Jupiter as the only one allowed to enter, why they’re so harsh on anyone caught there without permission – I mean, extracting Sailor Crystals? How do they even do that? – and why they needed an agreement in the first place)? I would have thought the Soldiers would have reacted more to this being revealed, too, since Queen Serenity herself thought they shouldn’t know about it and I know I'd be curious as to what else Setsuna knew about the danger I was blindly walking into.
Telling your readers to ignore your grammar mistakes is, well, odd and that's putting it lightly. Wouldn’t you want to know about them so you could fix them and wouldn’t you look for them yourself before you posted? It’s hard to improve when you ask your readers to gloss over your errors like they don’t exist and it also insults your audience by saying it's not worth the effort to present your best work.
I haven’t gotten around to completely reading the second chapter yet, but since I saw in your profile you want to become a writer, I hope you take this as someone trying to help you improve and not put you down.
7/7/2007 c2 22Moi Fah
“Pickmeup! Pickmeup! PICKMEUP!” Sorry, but that line was so hilarious!
Oh, I really loved the part with Hotaru, and I don't think Mako hogged the chapter! I think it should more or less hook readers on your story because they can't wait to find out what's going to happen! I just adore how you got Hotaru completely in character; whereas she's mostly written as a homicidal maniac instead of the sweet and innocent girl she really is.
Ha, ha, Mako saw the goods, and got violated! For some reason, with the setup of the house, it makes me think that Ichigo and Makoto are like the dad and mom, Karin and Yuzu are like their children, Ichigo's dad is the annoying grandfather that you just can't put into a home, and Kon can be their pet...dog? Heh heh!
Man, I just can't get over how well the Bleach characters are written! You could really see this happening in the anime! Also, the part with Haruka was interesting; I mean, her name even means 'Sky King'! Don't worry, the story defintely lived uo to what you promised and more! The bracelet...hm? Could that have something to do with the Quincys? Oh well, I eagerly await the next update!
22Moi Fah“Pickmeup! Pickmeup! PICKMEUP!” Sorry, but that line was so hilarious!
Oh, I really loved the part with Hotaru, and I don't think Mako hogged the chapter! I think it should more or less hook readers on your story because they can't wait to find out what's going to happen! I just adore how you got Hotaru completely in character; whereas she's mostly written as a homicidal maniac instead of the sweet and innocent girl she really is.
Ha, ha, Mako saw the goods, and got violated! For some reason, with the setup of the house, it makes me think that Ichigo and Makoto are like the dad and mom, Karin and Yuzu are like their children, Ichigo's dad is the annoying grandfather that you just can't put into a home, and Kon can be their pet...dog? Heh heh!
Man, I just can't get over how well the Bleach characters are written! You could really see this happening in the anime! Also, the part with Haruka was interesting; I mean, her name even means 'Sky King'! Don't worry, the story defintely lived uo to what you promised and more! The bracelet...hm? Could that have something to do with the Quincys? Oh well, I eagerly await the next update!
7/7/2007 c2 94Heart's Fate
I can't help but love pervy Kon. Hehe, some mayb find him annoying but I just love Kon. *huggles him* Another wonderful chapter, ^.^ I bless you for the length. I honestly don't think I'd be able to write a chapter of this length. And oh! Urahara! He is my third favorite characte! Ichigo and Chad being the first two. Hehe, looking forward to seeing what his true relationship with Setsuna is.
94Heart's FateI can't help but love pervy Kon. Hehe, some mayb find him annoying but I just love Kon. *huggles him* Another wonderful chapter, ^.^ I bless you for the length. I honestly don't think I'd be able to write a chapter of this length. And oh! Urahara! He is my third favorite characte! Ichigo and Chad being the first two. Hehe, looking forward to seeing what his true relationship with Setsuna is.
6/28/2007 c1 19l-annethunder
You know your evil right? I now have three of your stories on my story alert list to read. But I can't complain to bad at least there's something to read in the mean time. Kepp up the good work, and PLEASE UPDATE SOON! Be they Written in the Stars or Desert Rose or even this one. I'm good fanfiction deprived.
19l-annethunderYou know your evil right? I now have three of your stories on my story alert list to read. But I can't complain to bad at least there's something to read in the mean time. Kepp up the good work, and PLEASE UPDATE SOON! Be they Written in the Stars or Desert Rose or even this one. I'm good fanfiction deprived.
6/26/2007 c1 2BlueShadowStar
You know what, YOU ROCK. The plot so far looks awesome and not to mention promising, and I'm just a Bleach addicted idiot. Yeah, I love Bleach and a lot of it's characters, sigh. I wander though, what would Soul Society need Hotaru and Rey for, and something tells me to pay attention since it was Hotaru's birthday and... I don't know... maybe a trap for Makoto... to lure her in...
Oh hell, I'm in the dark, and dang it feels challenging. Makoto mentioned hearing bells on the night of the fight, and I can just wander who it is, and I'm pretty sure I have an idea of who it is, and I just love that guy as well. Can't really blame her from losing to him, and if she really wants to win, she'll have a long road to travel. He's though, and as I said, I love him.
By the way, thanks for all, I've just got the aspiration to start my marathon, not that I wasn't, but you know, you just gave that extra push. Oh and yeah, you know what I've noticed, once again it's apparant that your writing style is changing and improving, that's always good to see from my sensei. Nice. Keep up the good work. See you around, ja ne ;)
2BlueShadowStarYou know what, YOU ROCK. The plot so far looks awesome and not to mention promising, and I'm just a Bleach addicted idiot. Yeah, I love Bleach and a lot of it's characters, sigh. I wander though, what would Soul Society need Hotaru and Rey for, and something tells me to pay attention since it was Hotaru's birthday and... I don't know... maybe a trap for Makoto... to lure her in...
Oh hell, I'm in the dark, and dang it feels challenging. Makoto mentioned hearing bells on the night of the fight, and I can just wander who it is, and I'm pretty sure I have an idea of who it is, and I just love that guy as well. Can't really blame her from losing to him, and if she really wants to win, she'll have a long road to travel. He's though, and as I said, I love him.
By the way, thanks for all, I've just got the aspiration to start my marathon, not that I wasn't, but you know, you just gave that extra push. Oh and yeah, you know what I've noticed, once again it's apparant that your writing style is changing and improving, that's always good to see from my sensei. Nice. Keep up the good work. See you around, ja ne ;)
6/25/2007 c1 45Angel-eyes56
I have wanted to reading a Bleach story with these pairings. I love the idea of Rei/Byakuya fire meeting ice. Hotaru/Toshiro death meeting soul reaper and Mako/Ichigo are so alike. I'm liking were this story is going. Can't wait to read more.
45Angel-eyes56I have wanted to reading a Bleach story with these pairings. I love the idea of Rei/Byakuya fire meeting ice. Hotaru/Toshiro death meeting soul reaper and Mako/Ichigo are so alike. I'm liking were this story is going. Can't wait to read more.
6/22/2007 c1 1agoraphobia
Yay! I really like this story! Pairings fit pretty nicely together, and I have to give Rei props for the future of snagging of Byakuya! Yes, I'm more of a Rei (manga version) fan than of either Hortaru or Mako, but I have to admit, you write them pretty well! I like, Sakura Lisel, have to wonder why they kidnapped Rei? Is it because she has that spiritual tune? Or, maybe because she controls fire and that giant bird thing, I can’t remember what it’s called, that was supposed to execute Rukia was made of fire? I dunno. I watched the Jap. Version a long time ago, though I hope I didn’t spoil anything by saying that. xx;
1agoraphobiaYay! I really like this story! Pairings fit pretty nicely together, and I have to give Rei props for the future of snagging of Byakuya! Yes, I'm more of a Rei (manga version) fan than of either Hortaru or Mako, but I have to admit, you write them pretty well! I like, Sakura Lisel, have to wonder why they kidnapped Rei? Is it because she has that spiritual tune? Or, maybe because she controls fire and that giant bird thing, I can’t remember what it’s called, that was supposed to execute Rukia was made of fire? I dunno. I watched the Jap. Version a long time ago, though I hope I didn’t spoil anything by saying that. xx;