for Dreams can come true1/10 c5 
14SamApeace
Awesome! You should of had them kiss, but still good job!
And thanks for reviewing 'Dreaming of You'.
14SamApeaceAwesome! You should of had them kiss, but still good job!
And thanks for reviewing 'Dreaming of You'.
10/22/2012 c3 jaivonvanity
story line is good but you dont know what your doing
story line is good but you dont know what your doing
9/27/2012 c5 2The Legend of Chocolate
Umm... Okay? I just read this story for the second time and decided to give some advice. First things first: constructive criticism. Please don't take any of this offensively, I genuinely want to help you improve this story.
- The story kind of lacks a real plot. Chapter 1 was awkward and made no sense. He kicked the Box Ghost's butt and said hi to all his family members? That's it?
- As for Chapter 2, it was slightly better, but... VLAD? Taken down by a single kick and sucked into the thermos when ectoplasmic blasts failed? That part was a little weird, so maybe editing would help.
- Chapter 3 was slightly better, but hey, consider this: wouldn't Danny express a little more emotion than "How did you know?" when he discovered that two people managed to figure out who his crush was?
- Chapter 4: the ultimate nightmare chapter. Almost exactly the same as Chapter 2, except that Danny and Sam kind of had their first kiss, and... No sparks. O_O
- Last but not least, Chapter 5. Personally, I think this is the best of the five chapters. Unfortunately, like I said before... Weren't they feeling anything? All you wrote was dialogue. I'm sorry if I come across as mean, but emotions are important in love stories. I can tell that you were trying to be realistic by adding in Jazz, but try linking it to the show. I really can't see Danny admitting that he has girl troubles and this puncturing his overinflated ego.
- Elaboration would really improve this story a lot. It'd be great if you could edit and add in omitted points like feelings, details, expressions, etc.
Now for the good points!
- Storyline is generally quite good, but lacks elaboration
- Emphasises on the importance of sibling relationships
- Most reactions were realistic
- Not too much drama
So, that's it. Don't feel disheartened, I'm just trying to help you by giving honest feedback, unlike what some others have been doing. Please, keep it up! I know you can do better! :D
2The Legend of ChocolateUmm... Okay? I just read this story for the second time and decided to give some advice. First things first: constructive criticism. Please don't take any of this offensively, I genuinely want to help you improve this story.
- The story kind of lacks a real plot. Chapter 1 was awkward and made no sense. He kicked the Box Ghost's butt and said hi to all his family members? That's it?
- As for Chapter 2, it was slightly better, but... VLAD? Taken down by a single kick and sucked into the thermos when ectoplasmic blasts failed? That part was a little weird, so maybe editing would help.
- Chapter 3 was slightly better, but hey, consider this: wouldn't Danny express a little more emotion than "How did you know?" when he discovered that two people managed to figure out who his crush was?
- Chapter 4: the ultimate nightmare chapter. Almost exactly the same as Chapter 2, except that Danny and Sam kind of had their first kiss, and... No sparks. O_O
- Last but not least, Chapter 5. Personally, I think this is the best of the five chapters. Unfortunately, like I said before... Weren't they feeling anything? All you wrote was dialogue. I'm sorry if I come across as mean, but emotions are important in love stories. I can tell that you were trying to be realistic by adding in Jazz, but try linking it to the show. I really can't see Danny admitting that he has girl troubles and this puncturing his overinflated ego.
- Elaboration would really improve this story a lot. It'd be great if you could edit and add in omitted points like feelings, details, expressions, etc.
Now for the good points!
- Storyline is generally quite good, but lacks elaboration
- Emphasises on the importance of sibling relationships
- Most reactions were realistic
- Not too much drama
So, that's it. Don't feel disheartened, I'm just trying to help you by giving honest feedback, unlike what some others have been doing. Please, keep it up! I know you can do better! :D
10/6/2011 c5 4ChristinCC
Pretty good for your first try you may want to go backhand edit and possibly add more details good story any way-CC
4ChristinCCPretty good for your first try you may want to go backhand edit and possibly add more details good story any way-CC
3/26/2011 c5 biggestDPfanEVA
ok! sooooooo!TIP:don't make it so aquard next time!
ok! sooooooo!TIP:don't make it so aquard next time!
3/26/2011 c4 biggestDPfanEVA
a good sequal 2 chapter 3!u r doing much better now!
a good sequal 2 chapter 3!u r doing much better now!
3/26/2011 c3 biggestDPfanEVA
MUCH BETTER!
MUCH BETTER!
3/26/2011 c2 biggestDPfanEVA
that is something i've seen with movies with children dating!
that is something i've seen with movies with children dating!
3/26/2011 c1 biggestDPfanEVA
this story has no plot!
this story has no plot!
3/26/2011 c1 biggestDPfanEVA
evry1 knows who she is stupid!
evry1 knows who she is stupid!
12/12/2010 c2 dp4eva
awsome chapter plz continue
awsome chapter plz continue