for Heroic Duties6/16/2008 c3 
12eCZi
LOL, he really is a dork.
:P
But it was cool how you made him act like his idols from comic books.
He should try to be BATMAN! Dark Knight! :]
Now I can see his intentions...to be a cool, so cool, it's unrealistic, awesome comic book superhero with the power of th Death Note to look like superpowers...
OH.
Does his costume make him fly?
:]]
JUSTICE! It always prevails.
Like the Megaman X cartoon thing (I dunno, my brother showed it to me, :P), he's like "For JUSTICE!" and explodes everything.
IT was funny.
:D
But I'm confused.
Is his name CHARLIE, or CHUCK?
D
kdnflzsdnfzlsdkf.
Oh well, next chapter...
12eCZiLOL, he really is a dork.
:P
But it was cool how you made him act like his idols from comic books.
He should try to be BATMAN! Dark Knight! :]
Now I can see his intentions...to be a cool, so cool, it's unrealistic, awesome comic book superhero with the power of th Death Note to look like superpowers...
OH.
Does his costume make him fly?
:]]
JUSTICE! It always prevails.
Like the Megaman X cartoon thing (I dunno, my brother showed it to me, :P), he's like "For JUSTICE!" and explodes everything.
IT was funny.
:D
But I'm confused.
Is his name CHARLIE, or CHUCK?
D
kdnflzsdnfzlsdkf.
Oh well, next chapter...
6/16/2008 c2 eCZi
""Shkree he he he! My help? Hm..." He popped another marshmello into his mouth. "Tell ya what kid. You keep me supplied with these 'puffies', and I'll see what I can do." A smile crept across my face.
"They're called marshmellows," I added with a chuckle.
"I call 'em delicious.""
LAWL, I really liked that line. :D
er, lines.
Woah, I can see how you're making this different from the series; You made Charlie get the eyes...
Although, the painful feeling in the eyes could've been described a bit more.
Haha, MARVEL! :D
Wow, Charlie's mom's kinda bitchy, though. :P I understand why she's mad, but I just didn't understand that part, like she said he was coming home, but he had to take the bus...
I'm not sure if you meant public transport bus or school bus.
I dunno, where I'm at, there aren't too many buses aside from school ones.
:P
And he killed that person! OMG!
Necrose is born.
Anyways, NEXT CHAPTER.
""Shkree he he he! My help? Hm..." He popped another marshmello into his mouth. "Tell ya what kid. You keep me supplied with these 'puffies', and I'll see what I can do." A smile crept across my face.
"They're called marshmellows," I added with a chuckle.
"I call 'em delicious.""
LAWL, I really liked that line. :D
er, lines.
Woah, I can see how you're making this different from the series; You made Charlie get the eyes...
Although, the painful feeling in the eyes could've been described a bit more.
Haha, MARVEL! :D
Wow, Charlie's mom's kinda bitchy, though. :P I understand why she's mad, but I just didn't understand that part, like she said he was coming home, but he had to take the bus...
I'm not sure if you meant public transport bus or school bus.
I dunno, where I'm at, there aren't too many buses aside from school ones.
:P
And he killed that person! OMG!
Necrose is born.
Anyways, NEXT CHAPTER.
6/16/2008 c1 eCZi
Oh, this is intriguing. :]
Ryuk, you're a prick. haha.
But anyways, let's continue with this review.
Okay, I really like where this is going, really, Ido.
And he becomes a superhero like Light.
But something that kinda bothered me was the fact that since Charlie's POV is the set oen for this chpter, and when Levi walks in, he said his name before he knew it, like look...
""Hi there!" I was given a startled jump as my eyes met the towering, slumped monster in the middle of my room. "I'm not gonna hurt you, just get in here and shut the door." I looked the apparition up and down for the next few seconds. Levi's brow furrowed under his blindfold. "Look, are you coming in or am I gonna have to eat you?" I walked in and put my back against the door right away.
"Shkee he he he," Levi gave a sort of hissing chuckle, "I was just kidding about the whole eating you thing..."
"What are you?"
"Me? My name is Levi. I'm a Shinigami, and I believe you have something that belongs to me."
"The notebook...""
Unless he's telling the story from far, far, far ahead of when this is taking place.
That was kinda confusing.
:PP
Aside from that...well, that's about it.
This chapter's really intriguing, I wonder what'll happen...will he make the world insane like Light?
Or will he just rock Miami?
:D
Next chapter.
Oh, this is intriguing. :]
Ryuk, you're a prick. haha.
But anyways, let's continue with this review.
Okay, I really like where this is going, really, Ido.
And he becomes a superhero like Light.
But something that kinda bothered me was the fact that since Charlie's POV is the set oen for this chpter, and when Levi walks in, he said his name before he knew it, like look...
""Hi there!" I was given a startled jump as my eyes met the towering, slumped monster in the middle of my room. "I'm not gonna hurt you, just get in here and shut the door." I looked the apparition up and down for the next few seconds. Levi's brow furrowed under his blindfold. "Look, are you coming in or am I gonna have to eat you?" I walked in and put my back against the door right away.
"Shkee he he he," Levi gave a sort of hissing chuckle, "I was just kidding about the whole eating you thing..."
"What are you?"
"Me? My name is Levi. I'm a Shinigami, and I believe you have something that belongs to me."
"The notebook...""
Unless he's telling the story from far, far, far ahead of when this is taking place.
That was kinda confusing.
:PP
Aside from that...well, that's about it.
This chapter's really intriguing, I wonder what'll happen...will he make the world insane like Light?
Or will he just rock Miami?
:D
Next chapter.
11/25/2007 c3 1Otaku Jinx
This story is intriguing. I can definitely say I haven't read another Death Note fanfic where the possessor of the notebook becomes a hero.
Hopefully Necrose won't let this power go to his head.
As far as critiquing goes, everything seemed fine to me. Can't wait to read the next chapter.
1Otaku JinxThis story is intriguing. I can definitely say I haven't read another Death Note fanfic where the possessor of the notebook becomes a hero.
Hopefully Necrose won't let this power go to his head.
As far as critiquing goes, everything seemed fine to me. Can't wait to read the next chapter.
11/23/2007 c3 Neon the Unknown
Wow, good chapter. The relationship Charlie and Levi has looks to be an interesting one similar to Raito and Ryuk... It's going to be interesting when an archnemesis appears for Necrose... keep it going man.
Wow, good chapter. The relationship Charlie and Levi has looks to be an interesting one similar to Raito and Ryuk... It's going to be interesting when an archnemesis appears for Necrose... keep it going man.
11/23/2007 c1 Neon the Unknown
I found this to be an interesting opening chapter. From the looks of it, this looks like its gonna be a good story. I wonder if Charlie will end up being a megalomaniac like Raito...
I found this to be an interesting opening chapter. From the looks of it, this looks like its gonna be a good story. I wonder if Charlie will end up being a megalomaniac like Raito...
11/22/2007 c3 29Master of the Boot
I liked this chapter very much. It just seems to make sense that your boy is doing all that he is doing. You do a good job distinguishing him from Light. Still, I bet that his problems will be no less dangerous than those of light.
Ta
Master of teh Boot
29Master of the BootI liked this chapter very much. It just seems to make sense that your boy is doing all that he is doing. You do a good job distinguishing him from Light. Still, I bet that his problems will be no less dangerous than those of light.
Ta
Master of teh Boot
11/19/2007 c2 Master of the Boot
I like this. This has a similar premise to the original deathnote but has a radically different main character. This has great potential for character development and story.
I'll keep watch at the gate
Master of teh Boot
I like this. This has a similar premise to the original deathnote but has a radically different main character. This has great potential for character development and story.
I'll keep watch at the gate
Master of teh Boot