for Tongue Tied2/2 c24 Arac13
Amazing story!
I loved every moment of it and I think that you developed Madeline's character and relationship with Ardeth in a fun and realistic way.
You actually wrote a great story without replaying the entire movie like so many authors do.
Great job!
Amazing story!
I loved every moment of it and I think that you developed Madeline's character and relationship with Ardeth in a fun and realistic way.
You actually wrote a great story without replaying the entire movie like so many authors do.
Great job!
12/21/2012 c21 Jenna
DAMMIT! I saw the title of the chapter and got so excited! *Sighs* Oh, well, you'll probably have something with Ardeth coming up soon, right? Also: I'm loving this story!
DAMMIT! I saw the title of the chapter and got so excited! *Sighs* Oh, well, you'll probably have something with Ardeth coming up soon, right? Also: I'm loving this story!
11/24/2012 c10 Lilyhellsing
"The man ignored her. "Seriously, did the mummy just run away from a kitten?" she asked. Again, she was ignored. "Why is he afraid of kittens?" She still received no answer and yet, she was still incapable of shutting up. "Why do you have a kitten?"" - BEST PART OF THIS CHAPTER YET! Lol. I laughed hard when I read it. :)
"The man ignored her. "Seriously, did the mummy just run away from a kitten?" she asked. Again, she was ignored. "Why is he afraid of kittens?" She still received no answer and yet, she was still incapable of shutting up. "Why do you have a kitten?"" - BEST PART OF THIS CHAPTER YET! Lol. I laughed hard when I read it. :)
3/6/2012 c6 XpixieXsticksX
Madeline's attitude and personality kind of annoy me but it's growing. I'm confused though. How muscular is she is there some celebrity body type you can compare her to? As for looks as well cause saying she looks like Rick makes me think of him but feminine which turned out creepy.
Madeline's attitude and personality kind of annoy me but it's growing. I'm confused though. How muscular is she is there some celebrity body type you can compare her to? As for looks as well cause saying she looks like Rick makes me think of him but feminine which turned out creepy.
11/26/2011 c24 
3SheWolfMedjai
Person I love you that was awsome! Now I'm gonna read the next one! YEY! please make more Ardeth bay stories!
thank you, ^_^
3SheWolfMedjaiPerson I love you that was awsome! Now I'm gonna read the next one! YEY! please make more Ardeth bay stories!
thank you, ^_^
6/6/2011 c24 Musik Drache
Loved it. Madeline was well written and her character a nice mixture of flaws and strengths. I am now going to read your sequel and must say I'm looking forward to it.
Loved it. Madeline was well written and her character a nice mixture of flaws and strengths. I am now going to read your sequel and must say I'm looking forward to it.
4/28/2011 c13 4WhoAmI2Judge07
oh my God. I love you this chapter had me laughing so hard I wole the baby... and thwn there was crying and stress and whatnot... but I still love you! thanks for the laughs ^_^
4WhoAmI2Judge07oh my God. I love you this chapter had me laughing so hard I wole the baby... and thwn there was crying and stress and whatnot... but I still love you! thanks for the laughs ^_^
3/14/2011 c24 2Splishboom
The romantic part of me was dissatisfied with the ending, but, all other parts were delighted with your story. I giggled my ass off XD
2SplishboomThe romantic part of me was dissatisfied with the ending, but, all other parts were delighted with your story. I giggled my ass off XD
1/29/2011 c24 3sparkalie
Very nice work! Let me congratulate you on making a Rick's sister fanfic that's actually really good. Because trust me, alot of the others really are overrated and boring. Maddie's not a Mary-Sue, nor is she one of those reincarnated princesses that you see so much these days. She has her own personality and is very funny. I like the idea that she makes Ardeth laugh so much.
Ardeth is my favorite character you see. And it so happens that 'Maddie' is one of my nicknames. Coincidence huh?
Anyway, I'm not being biased or anything. You really took the canon version and made it your own. Nice one. How many times did you have to watch the movie to get all the lines right? I hate it when fanfic writers make mistakes there. As an avid fan of the Mummy and the Mummy Returns (not the third movie, i hate it, it doesn't exist to me) and of Ardeth Bay, I'd like to say, Fabulous work and I am on my way to read the sequel now.
PS Forgive me if I didn't review the other chapters. I normally prefer to review only on the last chapter, and then only if I really like the story.
3sparkalieVery nice work! Let me congratulate you on making a Rick's sister fanfic that's actually really good. Because trust me, alot of the others really are overrated and boring. Maddie's not a Mary-Sue, nor is she one of those reincarnated princesses that you see so much these days. She has her own personality and is very funny. I like the idea that she makes Ardeth laugh so much.
Ardeth is my favorite character you see. And it so happens that 'Maddie' is one of my nicknames. Coincidence huh?
Anyway, I'm not being biased or anything. You really took the canon version and made it your own. Nice one. How many times did you have to watch the movie to get all the lines right? I hate it when fanfic writers make mistakes there. As an avid fan of the Mummy and the Mummy Returns (not the third movie, i hate it, it doesn't exist to me) and of Ardeth Bay, I'd like to say, Fabulous work and I am on my way to read the sequel now.
PS Forgive me if I didn't review the other chapters. I normally prefer to review only on the last chapter, and then only if I really like the story.
12/13/2010 c24 39Brunette
So I'm not going to lie and say I read this story word-for-word. I didn't. I read several chapters straight through, and skimmed through others. What can I say?
This is pretty good. One of the better rewrite stories, by far. Madeline is a complex character with her own personality and traits. She's her own person and doesn't rely on simply being "Rick's sister" and "Ardeth's love interest" to define her.
However, she's irking to a fault. I can't bring myself to like her. She's human enough, yes - but I feel like she's just generally out of place. And not always in the way you intended her to be. Her dialogue, for instance, is distractingly modern. I'm not saying she has to be totally accurate (because writing real '20's dialogue requires knowing a whole lot of '20's slang that most readers won't even get), but seriously, "fuck my life"? It doesn't get any 21st century than that.
Her relationship with Rick is developed and very sibling-like. I think it's real in the right ways, but after a while, I just thought to myself, "ENOUGH" and couldn't read their bickering anymore. I think it needs to be meted out in smaller doses, because it's cute for a while, and then you kind of hit a point where you feel like you're in the back of a car, waiting to get going, while the driver and passenger argue incessantly about which is the best route. I just want them to start the freaking car, because I don't care what they're talking about anymore. Don't do that to the plot.
So don't get me wrong. I think you're a great writer, and that you have a good piece here. It's obviously better than 90% of all rewrites out there - specifically the ones involving Rick's sister. And clearly this was a very successful story, because you had a large, loyal readership. That's pretty telling.
My personal problem with the story was not that you didn't take the time on Madeline that she deserved - it's that I didn't like her. Besides a few glitches (mentioned above), she's not underdeveloped or poorly written. She's just aggrivating. She's by and large the best gun-weilding, cross-dressing, alcohol-loving, curse-spitting OC I've read, but she's still just that. Why does she have to be Rick? Yes, she's a developed, interesting, complex female-version of Rick, but she's still just Rick (with a little bit of Jonathan mixed in).
Anyway, I think this was a very gallant take on an overused plot device. I think it's a worthy story and I do believe you at least attempted to tread carefully with the stereotypical Rick's sister character (I mean, hey, at least she wasn't reincarnated and spoke ancient Egyptian). I just think more radical courses of action could have been taken. I think there are more unique ways to write Rick's sister, without turning her into Rick or Evy (or some mega-combination of both, which I know you didn't do...but which are unfortunately rampant in this fandom).
For what it was, and for who Madeline is, though - a very good story.
39BrunetteSo I'm not going to lie and say I read this story word-for-word. I didn't. I read several chapters straight through, and skimmed through others. What can I say?
This is pretty good. One of the better rewrite stories, by far. Madeline is a complex character with her own personality and traits. She's her own person and doesn't rely on simply being "Rick's sister" and "Ardeth's love interest" to define her.
However, she's irking to a fault. I can't bring myself to like her. She's human enough, yes - but I feel like she's just generally out of place. And not always in the way you intended her to be. Her dialogue, for instance, is distractingly modern. I'm not saying she has to be totally accurate (because writing real '20's dialogue requires knowing a whole lot of '20's slang that most readers won't even get), but seriously, "fuck my life"? It doesn't get any 21st century than that.
Her relationship with Rick is developed and very sibling-like. I think it's real in the right ways, but after a while, I just thought to myself, "ENOUGH" and couldn't read their bickering anymore. I think it needs to be meted out in smaller doses, because it's cute for a while, and then you kind of hit a point where you feel like you're in the back of a car, waiting to get going, while the driver and passenger argue incessantly about which is the best route. I just want them to start the freaking car, because I don't care what they're talking about anymore. Don't do that to the plot.
So don't get me wrong. I think you're a great writer, and that you have a good piece here. It's obviously better than 90% of all rewrites out there - specifically the ones involving Rick's sister. And clearly this was a very successful story, because you had a large, loyal readership. That's pretty telling.
My personal problem with the story was not that you didn't take the time on Madeline that she deserved - it's that I didn't like her. Besides a few glitches (mentioned above), she's not underdeveloped or poorly written. She's just aggrivating. She's by and large the best gun-weilding, cross-dressing, alcohol-loving, curse-spitting OC I've read, but she's still just that. Why does she have to be Rick? Yes, she's a developed, interesting, complex female-version of Rick, but she's still just Rick (with a little bit of Jonathan mixed in).
Anyway, I think this was a very gallant take on an overused plot device. I think it's a worthy story and I do believe you at least attempted to tread carefully with the stereotypical Rick's sister character (I mean, hey, at least she wasn't reincarnated and spoke ancient Egyptian). I just think more radical courses of action could have been taken. I think there are more unique ways to write Rick's sister, without turning her into Rick or Evy (or some mega-combination of both, which I know you didn't do...but which are unfortunately rampant in this fandom).
For what it was, and for who Madeline is, though - a very good story.
10/7/2010 c9 2XxRikela-chanxX
Oh Mi God, I swear, I love the conversations with Maddie and Jonathan! XD
I can swear that I was laughing so hard I was on the verge of wetting my self.. ((not really but ya know what I mean)) LOL
Esp. the "they don't have an inside joke" hee hee 'one shot is only the beginning',
OOOOH XP my favourite, "It's like you're me with a penis. Wait, you have a penis, right?" they're so out of it they don't know what the heck their sayin! Haa Haa
I love It All! ^^
2XxRikela-chanxXOh Mi God, I swear, I love the conversations with Maddie and Jonathan! XD
I can swear that I was laughing so hard I was on the verge of wetting my self.. ((not really but ya know what I mean)) LOL
Esp. the "they don't have an inside joke" hee hee 'one shot is only the beginning',
OOOOH XP my favourite, "It's like you're me with a penis. Wait, you have a penis, right?" they're so out of it they don't know what the heck their sayin! Haa Haa
I love It All! ^^
10/1/2010 c24 Leila
Awesome story! I loved how awkward Madeline was! :)
Awesome story! I loved how awkward Madeline was! :)