for Harry Potter and the Lost Flash6/15/2010 c2 
70SylvaDragon
I love your writing style, I could literally almost feel what Harry felt, it was awesome.
70SylvaDragonI love your writing style, I could literally almost feel what Harry felt, it was awesome.
1/10/2010 c8 2lazy2login
Hi! I like your story, and I hope you wont mind a bit of constructive criticism. :D While your story is good, it needs a little bit of revision. There are a few instances where you’ve used a word incorrectly. I think that you meant to use a different word, and got them confused. Maybe you need to look up the meaning if you aren't sure? You also aren’t placing commas where they need to be, which messes uo the flow of the words. About the plot of your story, I really like the originality. That is very unusual on a site like fan fiction, where almost every story seems like a repeat of another one. But there is one problem that I see, and that is that in almost every single chapter, nothing new seems to happen. Harry gets all emotional, messes stuff up with his magic, and has the whole “WHY ME!” deal going on. Dumbledore steps in and has a little tiff with Harry, then they make it all better with a hug and soft-spoken words. There needs to be some sort of movement towards an important scene for the story, like a confrontation between Harry and Voldy, or maybe towards a twist in the plot. You need something to entertain your readers and keep them on the edge of their seat though. Also, the characters are lacking depth. Almost every character acts just like the rest. There needs to be other emotions too. Just gloomy angst doesn’t work out very well. I think that a beta would be the perfect thing to help you with your story. That’s all the advice I have! I hope it can be of use to you, and that I didn’t somehow insult you in the process. I really did enjoy reading your story! :D
Hi! I like your story, and I hope you wont mind a bit of constructive criticism. :D While your story is good, it needs a little bit of revision. There are a few instances where you’ve used a word incorrectly. I think that you meant to use a different word, and got them confused. Maybe you need to look up the meaning if you aren't sure? You also aren’t placing commas where they need to be, which messes uo the flow of the words. About the plot of your story, I really like the originality. That is very unusual on a site like fan fiction, where almost every story seems like a repeat of another one. But there is one problem that I see, and that is that in almost every single chapter, nothing new seems to happen. Harry gets all emotional, messes stuff up with his magic, and has the whole “WHY ME!” deal going on. Dumbledore steps in and has a little tiff with Harry, then they make it all better with a hug and soft-spoken words. There needs to be some sort of movement towards an important scene for the story, like a confrontation between Harry and Voldy, or maybe towards a twist in the plot. You need something to entertain your readers and keep them on the edge of their seat though. Also, the characters are lacking depth. Almost every character acts just like the rest. There needs to be other emotions too. Just gloomy angst doesn’t work out very well. I think that a beta would be the perfect thing to help you with your story. That’s all the advice I have! I hope it can be of use to you, and that I didn’t somehow insult you in the process. I really did enjoy reading your story! :D
9/16/2009 c7 35Kirby77DP77
Absolutly LOVED this chapter. It had all the right amounts of angst, grief, and Dumbledore! Great job, and I hope to see the next chapter soon.
Can't wait!
kirby
35Kirby77DP77Absolutly LOVED this chapter. It had all the right amounts of angst, grief, and Dumbledore! Great job, and I hope to see the next chapter soon.
Can't wait!
kirby
8/22/2009 c6 72AngelMoon Girl
Gah, update update update! It was so amazing; poor Harry... seeing Sirius must have been heart-wrenching, but I loved when Dumbledore comforted him! Fabulous!
72AngelMoon GirlGah, update update update! It was so amazing; poor Harry... seeing Sirius must have been heart-wrenching, but I loved when Dumbledore comforted him! Fabulous!
8/22/2009 c4 AngelMoon Girl
M, I have my suspicions as to whom Harry's mystery visitor was :-D I'm quite enjoying this story! And all the Albus/Harry... ooh, I love it! Great job and exquisite story-telling skills!
M, I have my suspicions as to whom Harry's mystery visitor was :-D I'm quite enjoying this story! And all the Albus/Harry... ooh, I love it! Great job and exquisite story-telling skills!
6/3/2009 c6 2RainPelt
FINALLY! I almost lost hope! Pleasu update as soon as possible! Thank you so much!
2RainPeltFINALLY! I almost lost hope! Pleasu update as soon as possible! Thank you so much!
12/7/2008 c5 3Harriet Telcontar Holmes
Hey! Great chap. Love the way you describe Harrys and Dumbledores feelings. Keep going :-)
3Harriet Telcontar HolmesHey! Great chap. Love the way you describe Harrys and Dumbledores feelings. Keep going :-)
12/1/2008 c5 anonymous
So cute story ^^ Love it. And I just love the way you write :)
So cute story ^^ Love it. And I just love the way you write :)
10/1/2008 c4 Emma
i have to say that this story i really good. i have seen that you haven't up dated in a while. i hope you do. i would relly like to see what happens next. so please! up date!
i have to say that this story i really good. i have seen that you haven't up dated in a while. i hope you do. i would relly like to see what happens next. so please! up date!
9/29/2008 c4 RainPelt
Hi, Loved the part when Harrys having a nightmar and you dont reaveal totally who it is. Alomost like giving clues =)
P.S I think it was Remus =P
Hi, Loved the part when Harrys having a nightmar and you dont reaveal totally who it is. Alomost like giving clues =)
P.S I think it was Remus =P
9/16/2008 c4 13Lily Louisea
Ohmygod... you can write LONG chapters! Maximum I have ever managed i bout... 16 pages on one story! And that wasn't even fanfiction!
I really wanna see what harry will do. I'm not overly happy with the keep-from-hogrwarts-two-years-plan... but I like his new friendship with Dennis! And I want to see whats up with the Lily-Lilian thing.
Keep Writing!
13Lily LouiseaOhmygod... you can write LONG chapters! Maximum I have ever managed i bout... 16 pages on one story! And that wasn't even fanfiction!
I really wanna see what harry will do. I'm not overly happy with the keep-from-hogrwarts-two-years-plan... but I like his new friendship with Dennis! And I want to see whats up with the Lily-Lilian thing.
Keep Writing!