for Primarch of the Shinobi9/14/2012 c7 Zweibach
Hupp... if you ever decide to continue this know that the concept in itself is pretty interesting but would probably need to re-written, especially if one were to compare it to your more recent works.
-Cheers!
Hupp... if you ever decide to continue this know that the concept in itself is pretty interesting but would probably need to re-written, especially if one were to compare it to your more recent works.
-Cheers!
9/14/2012 c1 Zweibach
Feels weird both that Sarutobi is so believing and that Cypher is so open with his info.
You fell into the classical trap of explaining to much and sacrificing flow of story and believability for explaining the background to the readers which really should have been done in parts.
Feels weird both that Sarutobi is so believing and that Cypher is so open with his info.
You fell into the classical trap of explaining to much and sacrificing flow of story and believability for explaining the background to the readers which really should have been done in parts.
7/10/2011 c1 
1Thorfaxdragonkin
Very nice i would laugh my ass off if naru was trained to be a terminator. now that would be a scary scenario.
1ThorfaxdragonkinVery nice i would laugh my ass off if naru was trained to be a terminator. now that would be a scary scenario.
6/28/2011 c7 2Deadzepplin
Technically all four Chaos gods are fighting but the opposition is Khorne hates Slanesh and vice versa because in the slaughter of the enemies there is decadence and sick enjoyment so Slanesh gets some power from the slaughter and Slanesh hate Khorne because all that but in reverse sort of and Tzentch hates Nurgle because he plans and is crafty and clever and makes plans and whatnot while Nurgle just kinda diseases and random chaos everything so it interferes with his plans and whatnot also a whole bunch of other reasons the gods hate each other
2DeadzepplinTechnically all four Chaos gods are fighting but the opposition is Khorne hates Slanesh and vice versa because in the slaughter of the enemies there is decadence and sick enjoyment so Slanesh gets some power from the slaughter and Slanesh hate Khorne because all that but in reverse sort of and Tzentch hates Nurgle because he plans and is crafty and clever and makes plans and whatnot while Nurgle just kinda diseases and random chaos everything so it interferes with his plans and whatnot also a whole bunch of other reasons the gods hate each other
6/28/2011 c2 Deadzepplin
I think that when Horus goes evil Naru should fight him back to normal with the art of pimp-fu and just slap him in that face this is how I envision it (Naru and Horus stared each other down from opposite sides of the bridge "Horus I will beat you bloody and then you will listen to me and I WILL save your balls from the fire you are currently standing in" Horus started plotting his next moves subtly preparing himself for a deadly exchange of weaponry "And i will do it all with the powerful and hidden art of Pimp-Fu!" Horus was stunned for a moment and that was all it took for Naru to lash out with a powerful bitchslap "horus looked up from the floor in complete shock and opened his mouth only to utter "you, bitchslapped me!" Naru Grinned before she Replied "Dats because you bitch" and then all was well in the universe and chaos was defeated
I think that when Horus goes evil Naru should fight him back to normal with the art of pimp-fu and just slap him in that face this is how I envision it (Naru and Horus stared each other down from opposite sides of the bridge "Horus I will beat you bloody and then you will listen to me and I WILL save your balls from the fire you are currently standing in" Horus started plotting his next moves subtly preparing himself for a deadly exchange of weaponry "And i will do it all with the powerful and hidden art of Pimp-Fu!" Horus was stunned for a moment and that was all it took for Naru to lash out with a powerful bitchslap "horus looked up from the floor in complete shock and opened his mouth only to utter "you, bitchslapped me!" Naru Grinned before she Replied "Dats because you bitch" and then all was well in the universe and chaos was defeated
12/23/2010 c1 4Vaughn Tyler
can you get rid of the underlineing in the first part of chapter 1? having the text in italics is enough.
4Vaughn Tylercan you get rid of the underlineing in the first part of chapter 1? having the text in italics is enough.
7/15/2010 c2 11Sgt. Nolisten
Okay, I'm confused. I thought Horus was the one who started the whole "HORUS Rebellion", as in, he's the one who turned so many of the Emperor's own legions against him. Which side is Naru on?
11Sgt. NolistenOkay, I'm confused. I thought Horus was the one who started the whole "HORUS Rebellion", as in, he's the one who turned so many of the Emperor's own legions against him. Which side is Naru on?
6/29/2010 c1 21Snowskeeper
Actually, scratch that. It's possible, since it caught them mostly by surprise.
21SnowskeeperActually, scratch that. It's possible, since it caught them mostly by surprise.
6/29/2010 c5 Snowskeeper
...Even with the fox-spirit, there is no way in hell that a single ninja could defeat an entire Chaos force. I'm sorry, but this makes no sense.
...Even with the fox-spirit, there is no way in hell that a single ninja could defeat an entire Chaos force. I'm sorry, but this makes no sense.
1/22/2010 c7 warhound11
you fin good i dont say bad word short for it or not i still need 40k the game but i know alot from the wiki and warhammer online plz keep going
you fin good i dont say bad word short for it or not i still need 40k the game but i know alot from the wiki and warhammer online plz keep going