for space ninjas5/29/2011 c1 coso
Nice try, but your writing skills need an urgent help. It's damn difficult to read how you wrote this chapter, and it looks more like a generalised draft for the story than the story itself. You lack descriptive parts, some intro to get those who never heard of WH40K familiarized with space marines and such...so I suggest you sit down, and think hard about how your story looks like...
I mean, have you ever heard of a capital first letter when you start sentences? Such a basic mistake is a great way to turn down any potential reader, so sorry but you should be more careful.
Nice try, but your writing skills need an urgent help. It's damn difficult to read how you wrote this chapter, and it looks more like a generalised draft for the story than the story itself. You lack descriptive parts, some intro to get those who never heard of WH40K familiarized with space marines and such...so I suggest you sit down, and think hard about how your story looks like...
I mean, have you ever heard of a capital first letter when you start sentences? Such a basic mistake is a great way to turn down any potential reader, so sorry but you should be more careful.
5/28/2011 c8 
5Tyranifex
I am going to point out a flaw with what the Necrons are doing, they do not claim worlds for their masters the C'tan (with a capital 'C'), they harvest souls for their masters.
Also, Capital letters at the beginning of all dialogue, I know that you are still getting better with this being your first fic but do try to make sure that all grammatical errors are ruled out. Hope you update soon.
5TyranifexI am going to point out a flaw with what the Necrons are doing, they do not claim worlds for their masters the C'tan (with a capital 'C'), they harvest souls for their masters.
Also, Capital letters at the beginning of all dialogue, I know that you are still getting better with this being your first fic but do try to make sure that all grammatical errors are ruled out. Hope you update soon.
5/10/2011 c4 eman
please give naruto nijar power amor not the bulkey **
please give naruto nijar power amor not the bulkey **
9/26/2010 c8 randomguardsman 2345
glad your back hope you keep it up, the cripple guy with the eye patch sounds a lot like danzo, so do i get the brownie
glad your back hope you keep it up, the cripple guy with the eye patch sounds a lot like danzo, so do i get the brownie
8/30/2010 c1 Lol
Just wanted to point out the irony in his word count being exactly 6666
Just wanted to point out the irony in his word count being exactly 6666
8/21/2010 c7 blane744
yo man more story for russ and the all father i beseech the continue this story
sorry i couldnt resist but yeah continue the story man and bring in a space wolf
yo man more story for russ and the all father i beseech the continue this story
sorry i couldnt resist but yeah continue the story man and bring in a space wolf
7/19/2010 c7 Just an idea
This is a really good story. I like how it just plays out. May want to try and make longer chapters or get a helper.
This is a really good story. I like how it just plays out. May want to try and make longer chapters or get a helper.
5/31/2010 c3 3Cirex Review
Um, why would the Sace Marine's let Naruto into their Chapter if tey know that he has a demon inside him? Demon is just one letter away from daemon. It would be more likely that the marines would stop talking to the Hokage, find Naruto, and then smash his head with a force hammer, and then burn the remains just to be safe. Then the villagers would throw them a party. Yeah I know, sucks for Narut, but hey, it's the 41'st millenium, it sucks for everbody. For the emperor!
3Cirex ReviewUm, why would the Sace Marine's let Naruto into their Chapter if tey know that he has a demon inside him? Demon is just one letter away from daemon. It would be more likely that the marines would stop talking to the Hokage, find Naruto, and then smash his head with a force hammer, and then burn the remains just to be safe. Then the villagers would throw them a party. Yeah I know, sucks for Narut, but hey, it's the 41'st millenium, it sucks for everbody. For the emperor!
5/31/2010 c7 10Maloran
First off, nice story. Chapter's a bit short, but nice. Now, on to the technical stuff. If you want Wordpad to know when to make a new line, set the right margin at 7". This would be the time where you smack your forehead and say "Doh!"
10MaloranFirst off, nice story. Chapter's a bit short, but nice. Now, on to the technical stuff. If you want Wordpad to know when to make a new line, set the right margin at 7". This would be the time where you smack your forehead and say "Doh!"
5/12/2010 c7 SoADeception
REVIEWING you just mixed 2 of my most loved things together.. naruto.. and warhammer 40k... i love you *in a brotherly way* *bows down to you* You must continue.. for the sake of his holy name.. continue!
REVIEWING you just mixed 2 of my most loved things together.. naruto.. and warhammer 40k... i love you *in a brotherly way* *bows down to you* You must continue.. for the sake of his holy name.. continue!
2/28/2010 c3 G
Onoes! Necrons!
Are you sure the emperors mightiest weapon is the bolter? I would have thought it would be something like a strike cruiser
Onoes! Necrons!
Are you sure the emperors mightiest weapon is the bolter? I would have thought it would be something like a strike cruiser
1/15/2010 c3 ArcherReborn2
Its pretty good so far (With a few minor spelling errors) but I don't think space marines would have sympathized with Naruto. If he had a demon in him them probably would have burned him. But this is a Fanfic so I guess there is room for thing like this.
Its pretty good so far (With a few minor spelling errors) but I don't think space marines would have sympathized with Naruto. If he had a demon in him them probably would have burned him. But this is a Fanfic so I guess there is room for thing like this.
1/13/2010 c2 The 10 Tail's Jinchuuriki
Space Marines do not know what earth is the name was lost pre-hersy Space marines and the Imperium know it as Terra
Space Marines do not know what earth is the name was lost pre-hersy Space marines and the Imperium know it as Terra