for Red Sky At Morning9/20/2009 c1 
1water kangaroo
*kicks muse repeatedly in the butt and forces to drink twenty pounds of coffee* MOAR! please?
1water kangaroo*kicks muse repeatedly in the butt and forces to drink twenty pounds of coffee* MOAR! please?
8/31/2009 c1 7Violet44
Heya
I am so loving how you have started this story.
I so can't wait 2 read more.
Keep up the amazing work.
Violet44 xx
7Violet44Heya
I am so loving how you have started this story.
I so can't wait 2 read more.
Keep up the amazing work.
Violet44 xx
8/26/2009 c1 Lylo West
LOVE. This is an awesome little one shot, please, please, please continue it, even just to see what happens after that. *Gives muse coffee, kicks, and a free puppy* Best crossover I've seen in a while.
LOVE. This is an awesome little one shot, please, please, please continue it, even just to see what happens after that. *Gives muse coffee, kicks, and a free puppy* Best crossover I've seen in a while.
8/24/2009 c1 35Olivia Sutton
Oh - I like this. I like it a lot. like you, I thought that Simon Baker's Patrick Jane was like an older, more grown-up Shawn Spenser.
I didn't like that you killed off Gus (poor Gus!) but that would drive Shawn out of Santa Barbara all right.
You really should expand this - a proper mystery, something.
Anyway, good for what it is - and Lassie is well IN character (I love Lassiter!) BTW, it's Lassie, with an e, yeah I know that's the dog's name, but I always figured that's where Spenser got the idea for Lassiter's nickname. (And in "Lassie did a Bad, Bad Thing" it's spelled with at "e").
Good, tho' short, story.
-Olivia
35Olivia SuttonOh - I like this. I like it a lot. like you, I thought that Simon Baker's Patrick Jane was like an older, more grown-up Shawn Spenser.
I didn't like that you killed off Gus (poor Gus!) but that would drive Shawn out of Santa Barbara all right.
You really should expand this - a proper mystery, something.
Anyway, good for what it is - and Lassie is well IN character (I love Lassiter!) BTW, it's Lassie, with an e, yeah I know that's the dog's name, but I always figured that's where Spenser got the idea for Lassiter's nickname. (And in "Lassie did a Bad, Bad Thing" it's spelled with at "e").
Good, tho' short, story.
-Olivia
8/17/2009 c1 18Jedi Knight Cheeze
So...Gus was killed instead of his wife and daughter?
I like this idea. I hope you do decide to continue!
18Jedi Knight CheezeSo...Gus was killed instead of his wife and daughter?
I like this idea. I hope you do decide to continue!
8/14/2009 c1 4Blatantly Jennifer
This was intriguing. (:
I like the last line, because it's so unlike Lassie to be speechless.
Good job.
4Blatantly JenniferThis was intriguing. (:
I like the last line, because it's so unlike Lassie to be speechless.
Good job.
7/2/2009 c1 Shadowhunter536
you could easily make a longer story. but for how short it was it was good
you could easily make a longer story. but for how short it was it was good
6/22/2009 c1 59brodie-wan
seriously. Your're leaving it there?
This intro kills. You left me wanting more. So well written and thought out. I love how you blended Shawn into Jane. It's a little hard to picture, but I'm wrapt by Lassiter's reverie. The narration is fantastic.
Anyway, if it's not too late to buy that muse a cuppa joe, by all means let me get you a Vente!
59brodie-wanseriously. Your're leaving it there?
This intro kills. You left me wanting more. So well written and thought out. I love how you blended Shawn into Jane. It's a little hard to picture, but I'm wrapt by Lassiter's reverie. The narration is fantastic.
Anyway, if it's not too late to buy that muse a cuppa joe, by all means let me get you a Vente!
6/9/2009 c1 19AuraBlackWolf
I'm kicking your muse, your muse is being kicked very very hard...please make this a chapter fic! Please! this has so much potential! I know it's been a while and you're muse has probably deaden to this fic but...I'm kicking with steel toed high heels here!
so...maybe?please?
19AuraBlackWolfI'm kicking your muse, your muse is being kicked very very hard...please make this a chapter fic! Please! this has so much potential! I know it's been a while and you're muse has probably deaden to this fic but...I'm kicking with steel toed high heels here!
so...maybe?please?
5/22/2009 c1 Bara Kitsune
Oh wow, that was brilliant. It's kind of funny, really. During the Pilot of Mentalist, I was thinking, "This is just like a solemn Pysch." Even the faking-being-a-pychic thing. The fact that you wrote a neat little ficlet like this was just...wow. Brilliant, I say.
I would love it if you managed to write more, like O'Hara's reaction, and the CBI's reactions when the learn that Patrick Jane isn't really who he says he is. That would be awesome. Unfortunately, I know how fickle those muses can be, so all I can do is hope they get in gear and you keep writing. THis was just a wonderful little piece of awesomeness, and it seems a shame to keep it where it is.
Then again, leaving it as a oneshot gives it a nice little OMGWhat-Could-Happen sort of feeling. And I love where you ended it. That was great.
Anyway, I hope you continue this, but even if you don't, this was a great oneshot. Keep up the good work!
~Bara
Oh wow, that was brilliant. It's kind of funny, really. During the Pilot of Mentalist, I was thinking, "This is just like a solemn Pysch." Even the faking-being-a-pychic thing. The fact that you wrote a neat little ficlet like this was just...wow. Brilliant, I say.
I would love it if you managed to write more, like O'Hara's reaction, and the CBI's reactions when the learn that Patrick Jane isn't really who he says he is. That would be awesome. Unfortunately, I know how fickle those muses can be, so all I can do is hope they get in gear and you keep writing. THis was just a wonderful little piece of awesomeness, and it seems a shame to keep it where it is.
Then again, leaving it as a oneshot gives it a nice little OMGWhat-Could-Happen sort of feeling. And I love where you ended it. That was great.
Anyway, I hope you continue this, but even if you don't, this was a great oneshot. Keep up the good work!
~Bara
5/18/2009 c1 DiannaNightstar
Ok, you caught my interest, but I have no idea on how to jump start your muse... you could always go character by character reactions... on both sides. Hope you get some insperation
Ok, you caught my interest, but I have no idea on how to jump start your muse... you could always go character by character reactions... on both sides. Hope you get some insperation
5/10/2009 c1 29heartfallen
I absolutely love this story concept and you wrote it so beautifully. Please continue.
29heartfallenI absolutely love this story concept and you wrote it so beautifully. Please continue.
5/5/2009 c1 10DracoStarbo
Oh, wow. Just . . . wow. I love digging through crossovers because every once and awhile, I find that gem of a fic - one that's wonderfully written, handles both (or all) series with intelligence and respect, AND is unique. Honestly, this is a great prolog. I'm hesitant to call it a one-shot, sense you left it on a subtle cliff hanger.
But it seems like your muse hasn't woken up yet. It happens with mine, too. But I have a few ideas/questions that you can use or think about.
First off, I know this is AU, and obviously you have to mesh Jane and Shawn's history together. So, my question is, how much of Jane's history are you keeping? Did Shawn, posing as Jane, have a wife and son and was a pretend psychic? Did his wife and son get murdered - by Red John or someone else? - and did he have a mental break down before going to work for the CBI? Shawn/Jane could've done all of that within six years.
But to have his best buddy and wife and son murdered by the same guy would bring up questions as to *why* the people around Jane/Shawn keep getting killed by the same guy. Maybe it was chance, maybe Red John is a very strange and scary stalker, or maybe one of the two sets of murders was a copy cat?
Or you can just cut the wife and son out, sense Gus would be enough of a tragedy to Shawn/Jane already.
If you do cut them out, then would the CBI team know of them? I mean, would Jane/Shawn have made that history up to help explain away his obsession with Red John and/or to give himself a history? With a history like that, the CBI team doesn’t pry that much into it. Or would Jane have a different history to him? Would he be close-lipped about his past, telling very little and only what needed to be said?
Hey, how did Shawn, under a new name, get to be a consultant on the CBI?
I was also a little confused on Carlton's thoughts on the murder of Gus. Am I right to assume that Carlton doesn't think Shawn did it and is out there roaming?
So, let's see, you need a plot. Well, it sounds like you already have a crime in the works, so you could always have them solve that. To stretch it out, you can make twists and turns in the case, like have the prime suspect turn up dead or have new information come to light that would change their perspective. During this time, you can have Shawn/Jane get reacquainted with all of those he left behind: His father, mother, Jules, Carlton, the chief...
I can't imagine Mr. Spencer being all that thrilled to see his son. I mean, on one hand, he'd be happy that his is son is well and all of that, but I can bet he'd be ** at Shawn for disappearing for six years. It'd probably be like when a parent finds their kid again after s/he ran off in the store - relief, love, and anger all wrapped up into one. Only on a six year scale.
Oh! Would anyone among his closest friends and family think that Shawn was dead? I think his father would always hold out hope that Shawn was still alive. But what of Jules and everyone else?
And here's another question: Do you want to solve the Red John murders? Maybe he strikes in Santa Barbara again and leaves behind a clue that Shawn/Jane finds (or the CSIs or cops find it and Jane/Shawn figures out what it means). Maybe Red John slips up in some other way?
That would definitely open you up to many more chapters. But maybe you don't want to write that many. The current murder can lend you plenty of chapters to work with. Just, please, if you do have Red John make an appearance, make sure to treat him with respect. He is the big, bad villain of The Mentalist, after all.
At the end of this, what will Shawn/Jane do? Now that his family and friends know that he’s alive, will he stay in Santa Barbara? Or visit every now and then, keeping his job at the CBI? Or would the memories of Gus’s murder be too much to take and he’ll cut off contact with his past again? (I don’t think that’ll work. He can *try*, no doubt, but I doubt his family and friends and CBI team would let him get away with it.)
However you decide to go with this, I know it's going to be great. You have a great writing style and your grasp of both series is clearly very strong. :)
Oh! Little comments on the actual fic: I loved Lisbon's threat to Jane. And how Jane still called Lassiter "Lassi!" XD I also enjoy how you made it plausible for Jane to have actually been Shawn in the past.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
-Starbo
P.S. Does Jane/Shawn still like pineapples?
10DracoStarboOh, wow. Just . . . wow. I love digging through crossovers because every once and awhile, I find that gem of a fic - one that's wonderfully written, handles both (or all) series with intelligence and respect, AND is unique. Honestly, this is a great prolog. I'm hesitant to call it a one-shot, sense you left it on a subtle cliff hanger.
But it seems like your muse hasn't woken up yet. It happens with mine, too. But I have a few ideas/questions that you can use or think about.
First off, I know this is AU, and obviously you have to mesh Jane and Shawn's history together. So, my question is, how much of Jane's history are you keeping? Did Shawn, posing as Jane, have a wife and son and was a pretend psychic? Did his wife and son get murdered - by Red John or someone else? - and did he have a mental break down before going to work for the CBI? Shawn/Jane could've done all of that within six years.
But to have his best buddy and wife and son murdered by the same guy would bring up questions as to *why* the people around Jane/Shawn keep getting killed by the same guy. Maybe it was chance, maybe Red John is a very strange and scary stalker, or maybe one of the two sets of murders was a copy cat?
Or you can just cut the wife and son out, sense Gus would be enough of a tragedy to Shawn/Jane already.
If you do cut them out, then would the CBI team know of them? I mean, would Jane/Shawn have made that history up to help explain away his obsession with Red John and/or to give himself a history? With a history like that, the CBI team doesn’t pry that much into it. Or would Jane have a different history to him? Would he be close-lipped about his past, telling very little and only what needed to be said?
Hey, how did Shawn, under a new name, get to be a consultant on the CBI?
I was also a little confused on Carlton's thoughts on the murder of Gus. Am I right to assume that Carlton doesn't think Shawn did it and is out there roaming?
So, let's see, you need a plot. Well, it sounds like you already have a crime in the works, so you could always have them solve that. To stretch it out, you can make twists and turns in the case, like have the prime suspect turn up dead or have new information come to light that would change their perspective. During this time, you can have Shawn/Jane get reacquainted with all of those he left behind: His father, mother, Jules, Carlton, the chief...
I can't imagine Mr. Spencer being all that thrilled to see his son. I mean, on one hand, he'd be happy that his is son is well and all of that, but I can bet he'd be ** at Shawn for disappearing for six years. It'd probably be like when a parent finds their kid again after s/he ran off in the store - relief, love, and anger all wrapped up into one. Only on a six year scale.
Oh! Would anyone among his closest friends and family think that Shawn was dead? I think his father would always hold out hope that Shawn was still alive. But what of Jules and everyone else?
And here's another question: Do you want to solve the Red John murders? Maybe he strikes in Santa Barbara again and leaves behind a clue that Shawn/Jane finds (or the CSIs or cops find it and Jane/Shawn figures out what it means). Maybe Red John slips up in some other way?
That would definitely open you up to many more chapters. But maybe you don't want to write that many. The current murder can lend you plenty of chapters to work with. Just, please, if you do have Red John make an appearance, make sure to treat him with respect. He is the big, bad villain of The Mentalist, after all.
At the end of this, what will Shawn/Jane do? Now that his family and friends know that he’s alive, will he stay in Santa Barbara? Or visit every now and then, keeping his job at the CBI? Or would the memories of Gus’s murder be too much to take and he’ll cut off contact with his past again? (I don’t think that’ll work. He can *try*, no doubt, but I doubt his family and friends and CBI team would let him get away with it.)
However you decide to go with this, I know it's going to be great. You have a great writing style and your grasp of both series is clearly very strong. :)
Oh! Little comments on the actual fic: I loved Lisbon's threat to Jane. And how Jane still called Lassiter "Lassi!" XD I also enjoy how you made it plausible for Jane to have actually been Shawn in the past.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
-Starbo
P.S. Does Jane/Shawn still like pineapples?