for The Other Side Of the Universe1/8/2010 c7 
77Miz-KTakase
I'll give you an A for effort.
Looking forward to your next chapter, buddy! :)
77Miz-KTakaseI'll give you an A for effort.
Looking forward to your next chapter, buddy! :)
6/14/2009 c2 MangaFreak3
OMG you got to continue this. i felt sorry for Alex, so young yet has her sight forcefully taken away from her. so sad. and love the first kiss part. 3 kawaii~
OMG you got to continue this. i felt sorry for Alex, so young yet has her sight forcefully taken away from her. so sad. and love the first kiss part. 3 kawaii~
1/3/2009 c1 1CreativebutLazy
your story is alright but if I could offer one bit of constructive criticism, don't write in a script style. You have no idea how much BETTER your story would be if you would just write
Hohenheim said "Leave. Now."
rather than just
Hohenheim: Leave. Now.
It just makes it a real story you know. Not to mention that technically it's against the rules of the site to write in a script style, I doubt anyone would report you for it though since a lot of people break the rules. Other than that and a few minor typos, there doesn't seem to be that much wrong with it. Good luck!
1CreativebutLazyyour story is alright but if I could offer one bit of constructive criticism, don't write in a script style. You have no idea how much BETTER your story would be if you would just write
Hohenheim said "Leave. Now."
rather than just
Hohenheim: Leave. Now.
It just makes it a real story you know. Not to mention that technically it's against the rules of the site to write in a script style, I doubt anyone would report you for it though since a lot of people break the rules. Other than that and a few minor typos, there doesn't seem to be that much wrong with it. Good luck!