for Republic: The Centre Cannot Hold3/8/2011 c4 Blue
repetitive. This chapter simply repeated the information (almost word for word) of the previous chapter.
As a rule of the thumb, you can only talk for 100word before the story must advance
repetitive. This chapter simply repeated the information (almost word for word) of the previous chapter.
As a rule of the thumb, you can only talk for 100word before the story must advance
5/3/2010 c11 stark40763
Excellent story, even if you portrayed the GA as a bunch of douchebags, but I guess that without figures like Luke or Leia Skywalker to keep them honest it was inevitable they be a bunch of jerks. Still, maybe it wasn't a good idea for The GA to let The Vong keep Coruscant, if only because of the large pocket of Force Energy under what remained of The Old Jedi Temple, plus who knows what doomsday devices Palpatine had left to keep Coruscant from falling to the enemy. I wouldn't put it past him if he rigged the whole planet to blow if he thought his control over The Empire was fading. Still, The Vong could one day be valuable allies against The Wraith, since they two have a mastery of Organic Tech. Though did Leia still marry Han Solo? What about Luke? Whatever happened to him? (Skywalker, not Starkiller that is...) Though I am very excited about the Star Wars and Stargate meeting, simply because it promises to be epic! :D
Excellent story, even if you portrayed the GA as a bunch of douchebags, but I guess that without figures like Luke or Leia Skywalker to keep them honest it was inevitable they be a bunch of jerks. Still, maybe it wasn't a good idea for The GA to let The Vong keep Coruscant, if only because of the large pocket of Force Energy under what remained of The Old Jedi Temple, plus who knows what doomsday devices Palpatine had left to keep Coruscant from falling to the enemy. I wouldn't put it past him if he rigged the whole planet to blow if he thought his control over The Empire was fading. Still, The Vong could one day be valuable allies against The Wraith, since they two have a mastery of Organic Tech. Though did Leia still marry Han Solo? What about Luke? Whatever happened to him? (Skywalker, not Starkiller that is...) Though I am very excited about the Star Wars and Stargate meeting, simply because it promises to be epic! :D
11/15/2009 c11 PenguinBoy
Hey,
So, as I said before, nice story. You're pretty good at writing an action story while working in relationships between the characters, but I do hope relationship play a bit more of a role in the next part. I also like the plot. It's a new idea, and that's always refreshing.
Now for a bit of constructive criticism. At points you fell into the common trap of writing paragraphs of descriptions about ships and such. While I think it's good to include descriptions, reading them they way you've written them gets a bit tiring. So, you could try integrating them into the plot a bit more. You have extensive battle scenes, so you could describe the shapes of some of the ships when they first appear, then leave describing their weapons until they're first fired. If you still find your descriptions getting a bit long, you could try using some metaphors and similes to liven them up a bit.
Again, good story, now I'm off to start the next part.
Hey,
So, as I said before, nice story. You're pretty good at writing an action story while working in relationships between the characters, but I do hope relationship play a bit more of a role in the next part. I also like the plot. It's a new idea, and that's always refreshing.
Now for a bit of constructive criticism. At points you fell into the common trap of writing paragraphs of descriptions about ships and such. While I think it's good to include descriptions, reading them they way you've written them gets a bit tiring. So, you could try integrating them into the plot a bit more. You have extensive battle scenes, so you could describe the shapes of some of the ships when they first appear, then leave describing their weapons until they're first fired. If you still find your descriptions getting a bit long, you could try using some metaphors and similes to liven them up a bit.
Again, good story, now I'm off to start the next part.
11/15/2009 c8 PenguinBoy
Hi,
I'm enjoying your story, and I'll write another review about the story when I get to the end of chapter 11, but for now I'm reviewing to point out a flaw in the design of the government James has setup.
You wrote, "However the acts of parliament approved by both houses, the chancellor and if necessary, the security council were laws that the supreme court could not overturn." Since I'm reading some political philosophy at the moment, specifically "The Constitution of Liberty" (the one that Margaret Thatcher likes so much), that made me cringe since in doing that you plant the seeds of destruction of any free society. As an extreme example, suppose the legislature passes a law that says something like, "Any command or decree given by the chancellor shall henceforth have the full power of law," then who is to stop it?
While the example I just gave above is extreme, situations like that are why supreme courts have the power to overturn laws. They are there to make sure that legislatures do not throw out general principles in order to achieve short-term goals. For if they do, they set a precedent that whenever a similar situation arises, they can do the same thing. Therefore, supreme courts make sure that all laws laws fit inside a framework and abide by a set of general principles-namely the constitution-so that the long-term freedom of the people is not sacrificed in the pursuit of short-term goals.
I really like that you added "to ensure that all are equal before the law" to the Astarii pledge. It's something that I've only started to understand the importance of since I started reading political philosophy.
I liked your idea of a tax to create an emergency fund, but I'm skeptical that it would work out. Knowing politicians, they would somehow find a way to screw it up and create huge debts anyway.
Great story so far. Again, I'll leave another review of the overall story when I finish reading chapter 11.
Good luck with the job search.
Hi,
I'm enjoying your story, and I'll write another review about the story when I get to the end of chapter 11, but for now I'm reviewing to point out a flaw in the design of the government James has setup.
You wrote, "However the acts of parliament approved by both houses, the chancellor and if necessary, the security council were laws that the supreme court could not overturn." Since I'm reading some political philosophy at the moment, specifically "The Constitution of Liberty" (the one that Margaret Thatcher likes so much), that made me cringe since in doing that you plant the seeds of destruction of any free society. As an extreme example, suppose the legislature passes a law that says something like, "Any command or decree given by the chancellor shall henceforth have the full power of law," then who is to stop it?
While the example I just gave above is extreme, situations like that are why supreme courts have the power to overturn laws. They are there to make sure that legislatures do not throw out general principles in order to achieve short-term goals. For if they do, they set a precedent that whenever a similar situation arises, they can do the same thing. Therefore, supreme courts make sure that all laws laws fit inside a framework and abide by a set of general principles-namely the constitution-so that the long-term freedom of the people is not sacrificed in the pursuit of short-term goals.
I really like that you added "to ensure that all are equal before the law" to the Astarii pledge. It's something that I've only started to understand the importance of since I started reading political philosophy.
I liked your idea of a tax to create an emergency fund, but I'm skeptical that it would work out. Knowing politicians, they would somehow find a way to screw it up and create huge debts anyway.
Great story so far. Again, I'll leave another review of the overall story when I finish reading chapter 11.
Good luck with the job search.
7/12/2009 c1 randomjaffa6
just for referance, you left out the fact that all of the earth ships built in stargate were of the BC class or in other words, battlecruisers, second stargate command uses railguns, asgard beam weapons, and naquada inhanced nukes as weapons, in adition the asgard transporters are used to beam nukes onto the enemy ships.
just for referance, you left out the fact that all of the earth ships built in stargate were of the BC class or in other words, battlecruisers, second stargate command uses railguns, asgard beam weapons, and naquada inhanced nukes as weapons, in adition the asgard transporters are used to beam nukes onto the enemy ships.
36/14/2009 c1 Cole W
Your piece truly is a great piece of writing. But I do have one complaint.
It may be that I'm fairly new to this style of writing or perhaps it's the late hour affecting my patience; but the storyline is a tad glacial.
The information seems to stall out at times and almost makes me forget where the plot is supposed to go.
Like I said though. It's late and my mind is like a child's right now. Slow to act, but quick to be distracted.
Your piece truly is a great piece of writing. But I do have one complaint.
It may be that I'm fairly new to this style of writing or perhaps it's the late hour affecting my patience; but the storyline is a tad glacial.
The information seems to stall out at times and almost makes me forget where the plot is supposed to go.
Like I said though. It's late and my mind is like a child's right now. Slow to act, but quick to be distracted.
4/25/2009 c11 SD Reader
Just finished the story. What a great read. Thank you for this.
Just finished the story. What a great read. Thank you for this.
4/25/2009 c2 SD Reader
I like where this story is going. Please keep it up.
I like where this story is going. Please keep it up.