for Harry Potter and the Veela Bond6/3 c6 Guest
Type your review for this chapter here...
Type your review for this chapter here...
5/22 c4 FreelanceBum
5 life debts, you forgot Peter Pettigrew. 6 if you count Hermione and the troll, as that was before becoming friends.
5 life debts, you forgot Peter Pettigrew. 6 if you count Hermione and the troll, as that was before becoming friends.
5/21 c2 FreelanceBum
I just hate evil Dumbledore, he is always so much more interesting to attempt to justify his reasoning without it. Well, blatant direct evil Dumbledore is dull, which he always seems to fall into.
Also the way his friends react is absurd. I'm presuming it is some form of manipulation on Dumbledore's part, but I guess we shall see.
I just hate evil Dumbledore, he is always so much more interesting to attempt to justify his reasoning without it. Well, blatant direct evil Dumbledore is dull, which he always seems to fall into.
Also the way his friends react is absurd. I'm presuming it is some form of manipulation on Dumbledore's part, but I guess we shall see.
4/21 c11 
1HoosierCullen
This is a very. Good fic and one I have thoroughly enjoyed reading. I like how you have done it so far only the Veela multiple lovers aspect is giving me some pause. I like how you are incorporating Hermione into the story. Your characters are very well done and I hope you post more soon.
1HoosierCullenThis is a very. Good fic and one I have thoroughly enjoyed reading. I like how you have done it so far only the Veela multiple lovers aspect is giving me some pause. I like how you are incorporating Hermione into the story. Your characters are very well done and I hope you post more soon.
4/20 c11 Ivandoodle
Awesome Story! I have really enjoyed it thus far. I hope you update it because it would be a shame to let such a wonderful story be left incomplete.
Awesome Story! I have really enjoyed it thus far. I hope you update it because it would be a shame to let such a wonderful story be left incomplete.
4/11 c11 PaC
Read this fic a long time ago, so few Fleur, Gabrielle, Nym, pairings and fewer still that are good
Came across this one looking for any new ones on the hpfanficarchive site and read it again.
Not like I'm going to beta it and point out the obvious errors but if the copy here is the same as on the other website, viewing the entire fic on one page made it easy to use the find text tool to point out a few continuity errors. So I'll pass them along with my biggest criticism.
continuity errors:
headless Narcissa later has her head back or death eaters are into headless necrophilia if the implication was meant as sexual assault.
"and with only minimal effort brought it down on Narcissa's neck, separating head from body. The body gave one final spasm before slumping to the ground, unmoving. The mark itself started to burn deep, and would not stop until her bone was visible, with the mark plainly branded upon it." "Guards, take the Malfoy Scion and his useless mother to their chambers, and clean them up. You may play with her, but leave the son alone for now." As the guards grinned widely in anticipation the Dark Lord gave out one final caution, "No permanent injuries, gentleman. It would not do well to wear out our toys too quickly." "
Bill is sacked and later quits:
"...letter from Bill and read it first.
...Additionally they are firing any employee that has a connection to you. Yes, I was one of the ones fired, and I'm sure Fleur will be next..." " "This one says you're signing over the vaults of your immediate family for the attack on Ragnok," Bill announced from the back. It was obvious the eldest Weasley progeny was sickened by this, even more so when he said his next words, "I quit. Per the oath I just signed I can no long work for Gringotts." "
The Ron treason thing seems quite a far stretch...an over-reaching, like muggle prosecutors trying to over indict and pile on overly severe charges for a crime.
For the plotline and action it could be argued Dumbledore was more guilty with his actions at the Privette drive which later in the story Harry accuses Dumbles of knowing of the bonding which Dumbles denies but not so well this reader believes him.
Much of the story tars Dumbles so well with evil action and manipulation...drop by drop...it makes it difficult to accept later that he has true remorse or truly admits his mistakes because in too many instances it just seems implausible it was all just mistakes, and that he knew of the evil he was perpetrating. In short, the re-hab of Dumbles in later chaps in the story is hard to swallow as his failings and evil manipulation make it hard to believe he truly has much remorse but merely tearless crocodile tears.
This reader would have it up in the air if Dumbles might actually be lying about his remorse and actually was evil EXCEPT the story has the internal POV of Dumbles in introspective narrative/thoughts which then makes his "remorse" and regret and latest "promises" appear genuine.
I'd equate it to readers of JKR who are sickened by the epilogue with Harry having named kids after Dumbles and Snape and proclaiming Snape as the bravest man he ever knew. Dying only once is far from enough painful deaths to begin to wash away Snape's evil sins.
And considering I'm an atheist, that really is saying something. :}
Whether from the HP movies lagging more and more the later books or due to getting some "tips" from JKR, the actor portraying Snape manages in very brief places onscreen, to soften the movie Snape as being more redeemable than the Snape character in the books.
Dumbles in JKR's books accumulates less blatant "house points" for immoral conduct justified by the "greater good" rationalization, while your Dumbles is more like JKR's book Snape-more UNforgiveable or trustworthy.
IMO. My criticisms do not in any way mean that this isn't one of the better Harry-Fleur/Harry-Gab fics out there.
"Please, I am looking to begin writing in my stories very soon, and need help. PM me if you are at all interested."
I'd offer to Beta if I was registered for this website and if my life wasn't in a big trainwreck with little free time, but I'll try to remember you want a beta if I get more free time. I've got several handfulls of fics that got stuck and many might not work here anyway [that Deletion of fics thing by site admins I see so many bitching about] as several of my tics tend to slide down that slick slippery tunnel into smut. And they all need some B12 shots for much more plot and intrigue.
Read this fic a long time ago, so few Fleur, Gabrielle, Nym, pairings and fewer still that are good
Came across this one looking for any new ones on the hpfanficarchive site and read it again.
Not like I'm going to beta it and point out the obvious errors but if the copy here is the same as on the other website, viewing the entire fic on one page made it easy to use the find text tool to point out a few continuity errors. So I'll pass them along with my biggest criticism.
continuity errors:
headless Narcissa later has her head back or death eaters are into headless necrophilia if the implication was meant as sexual assault.
"and with only minimal effort brought it down on Narcissa's neck, separating head from body. The body gave one final spasm before slumping to the ground, unmoving. The mark itself started to burn deep, and would not stop until her bone was visible, with the mark plainly branded upon it." "Guards, take the Malfoy Scion and his useless mother to their chambers, and clean them up. You may play with her, but leave the son alone for now." As the guards grinned widely in anticipation the Dark Lord gave out one final caution, "No permanent injuries, gentleman. It would not do well to wear out our toys too quickly." "
Bill is sacked and later quits:
"...letter from Bill and read it first.
...Additionally they are firing any employee that has a connection to you. Yes, I was one of the ones fired, and I'm sure Fleur will be next..." " "This one says you're signing over the vaults of your immediate family for the attack on Ragnok," Bill announced from the back. It was obvious the eldest Weasley progeny was sickened by this, even more so when he said his next words, "I quit. Per the oath I just signed I can no long work for Gringotts." "
The Ron treason thing seems quite a far stretch...an over-reaching, like muggle prosecutors trying to over indict and pile on overly severe charges for a crime.
For the plotline and action it could be argued Dumbledore was more guilty with his actions at the Privette drive which later in the story Harry accuses Dumbles of knowing of the bonding which Dumbles denies but not so well this reader believes him.
Much of the story tars Dumbles so well with evil action and manipulation...drop by drop...it makes it difficult to accept later that he has true remorse or truly admits his mistakes because in too many instances it just seems implausible it was all just mistakes, and that he knew of the evil he was perpetrating. In short, the re-hab of Dumbles in later chaps in the story is hard to swallow as his failings and evil manipulation make it hard to believe he truly has much remorse but merely tearless crocodile tears.
This reader would have it up in the air if Dumbles might actually be lying about his remorse and actually was evil EXCEPT the story has the internal POV of Dumbles in introspective narrative/thoughts which then makes his "remorse" and regret and latest "promises" appear genuine.
I'd equate it to readers of JKR who are sickened by the epilogue with Harry having named kids after Dumbles and Snape and proclaiming Snape as the bravest man he ever knew. Dying only once is far from enough painful deaths to begin to wash away Snape's evil sins.
And considering I'm an atheist, that really is saying something. :}
Whether from the HP movies lagging more and more the later books or due to getting some "tips" from JKR, the actor portraying Snape manages in very brief places onscreen, to soften the movie Snape as being more redeemable than the Snape character in the books.
Dumbles in JKR's books accumulates less blatant "house points" for immoral conduct justified by the "greater good" rationalization, while your Dumbles is more like JKR's book Snape-more UNforgiveable or trustworthy.
IMO. My criticisms do not in any way mean that this isn't one of the better Harry-Fleur/Harry-Gab fics out there.
"Please, I am looking to begin writing in my stories very soon, and need help. PM me if you are at all interested."
I'd offer to Beta if I was registered for this website and if my life wasn't in a big trainwreck with little free time, but I'll try to remember you want a beta if I get more free time. I've got several handfulls of fics that got stuck and many might not work here anyway [that Deletion of fics thing by site admins I see so many bitching about] as several of my tics tend to slide down that slick slippery tunnel into smut. And they all need some B12 shots for much more plot and intrigue.
3/13 c3 4plums
It's an enjoyable concept, but much of this story is just painful for me to read. Almost every single one of your paragraphs can be broken up into two or three smaller ones. I find it very hard to read this story, especially when you have multiple people "speaking" per paragraph, surrounding by three or more non-quoted sentences.
If you ever return to this story, please do a re-edit and add more paragraph breaks.
4plumsIt's an enjoyable concept, but much of this story is just painful for me to read. Almost every single one of your paragraphs can be broken up into two or three smaller ones. I find it very hard to read this story, especially when you have multiple people "speaking" per paragraph, surrounding by three or more non-quoted sentences.
If you ever return to this story, please do a re-edit and add more paragraph breaks.
2/12 c6 Akuma-Heika
"Mon dieu," Fleur breathed in shock as she spied a date on top of the page she was looking at, "That was... the year the male Veela disappeared
How did she know when the Male Veela disappeared when a chapter ago she claimed they were wives tales?
Darkness shall prevail until the third millenium,
If speaking AD HP takes a few years after Deathly Hallows before reaching that point. If the time of existence than it had long since passed.
What are their conditions for outside lovers?
"Mon dieu," Fleur breathed in shock as she spied a date on top of the page she was looking at, "That was... the year the male Veela disappeared
How did she know when the Male Veela disappeared when a chapter ago she claimed they were wives tales?
Darkness shall prevail until the third millenium,
If speaking AD HP takes a few years after Deathly Hallows before reaching that point. If the time of existence than it had long since passed.
What are their conditions for outside lovers?
1/29 c5 1Dusk Ado II
While I understand that this is supposed to be "godlike" harry, there is a line that really shouldn't be crossed. Such a huge power-dump is not just stepping, but leaping across that line. I'm willing to bet that not even half the stuff there ends up used in the fic, basically making that half a set of unfired Chekhov's Guns. This will end up weakening the story overall.
1Dusk Ado IIWhile I understand that this is supposed to be "godlike" harry, there is a line that really shouldn't be crossed. Such a huge power-dump is not just stepping, but leaping across that line. I'm willing to bet that not even half the stuff there ends up used in the fic, basically making that half a set of unfired Chekhov's Guns. This will end up weakening the story overall.
1/15 c4 Ravenwoode
Go scadians we es amazing so much win in this chapter
Go scadians we es amazing so much win in this chapter