10/6/2012 c10 Lizzie
Just came across your story and found it really great. I hope you decide to finish it some day.

10/25/2009 c10 32Destined Darkness
OMG seeing and reading this from my inbox has made my horrible, embarising, heartbreaking, dream smashing day alot brighter, word to the wise, never spend 1 hour 20 minutes waiting in line (for autographs) only for it to be cut off about five or so people in front of you, then burst into tears and run away, and drowing your sorrows in chocolate and sugar drinks doesnt quite work if you cant get chocolate and sugar drinks, but the story helps so thank you, my friends will be saying thanks too, because I will no longer drag myself around all depressed and everything, so thanks again, hope there is more coming

Hannon once more

Hugs

Gracey, Rache, Thranduils.Emel.A.Faer. (Thranduils.Heart.And.Soul.)

10/24/2009 c1 6Shemyaza1
I found myself to be a little confused about the actual lineage of your character in the story and if I was confused then others might be as well. Although you stated at the outset that Aeva was Elladan's daughter, your subseuqnet dialogue and descriptive passges muddied the waters quite a bit so by the second chapter i was thoroughly confused as to whether the Helm's Deep battle section was Aeva in real time or some sort of flashback. It seemed by the way the chapter went that Haldir was to be the romantic interest, so it's understandable that you geared it so that he would survive (As it happens in bookverse, the Elves of Lorien did not go to Helm's Deep, in fact they had a battle of their own to fight in the Golden Wood).

The conversation between Galadriel and Aeva was a little odd, with a Firstborn REAL Royal Princess of the Noldor, born to the still-living King of the Noldor, Arafinwe and his wife Earwen deferring to Aeva as the grandson of Elrond who was actually not a King, nor was he born a Prince. He was of a royal line of course and after Gilgalad's death could have taken the crown, but he would have been one of a few who had that right.

So in essence Aeva certainly did not outrank Galadriel, although she was Galadriel's great-granddaughter.

The other thing that jars a little in your story and detracts from it, in my opinion is the modern usage of the vocal language. At the beginning you seem to have a handle on the fact that the people of Middle-Earth would have spoken a lot more formally than we do today. However as the chapters rolled on, we suddenly find Elrond saying things like 'okay' and it seems utterly out of place and incongruous for him to speak in the same sloppy way we tend to do in modern times. You might want to rethink that, go over your chapters and replace that sort of speech with something a little more archaic and form, but something more in keeping with the world Tolkien created.

I fully believe that these seemingly small errors spoil what is quite an entertaining story. Do also be careful not to attribute Aeva with too many wonderful characteristics because then you run the risk of her turning into a rampant Mary Sue. Unless of course that's your intention, in which case that's fine. I have a certain wicked fondness for the rampant Mary Sue characters of the Tolkien fanfiction world. They make me laugh (in a non derisive way I hasten to add!).

The only other thing that struck me was that obviously this story is taking place in the aftermath of the War of the Ring. Now most of the Orc armies were routed at that time and were in disarray. There were a number of battles on many fronts - The Golden Wood, Mirkwood, Imladris would have seen some action, The Dale. Each of the attacking forces of Sauron were routed by the defenders of these realms. Sauron's actual force was of course completely dispersed once the ring was destroyed.

Bands of orcs would indeed have still be roaming around in the aftermath, but I doubt very much it would be in the hundreds. So a band of three hundred orcs suggests to me some sort of rational organised force, rather than a species fragmented and struggling to survive or being hunted down. I think you might have been better to reduce the numbers of the orc group to about 40 or 50 which still would have been a decent number and reasonably threatening.

In that fight, Aeva almost becomes Mary Sue material. We get it that like Eowyn she was a sort of shield-maiden, but as we can see from Tolkien's story even Eowyn was prevented by the social mores of her society from actually joining in the battle of Helm's Deep. In reality Aeva would have been herded into the caves behind the stronghold along with the other women and Eowyn herself. It was by sstubbornness, subterfuge and deceit that Eowyn actually ended up on the Fields of Pelennor fighting the Witch King of Angmar. Just be aware that if Aeva is spending her time proving to the awestruck elves (who were pretty awesome in their own right) just how awesome she was, it takes some of the credibility of her character away.

I know this is a long review, longer than the replies you have had so far, but I hope you take the comments as constructive criticism because I actually like your story and I think it could be very good if you were careful to address some of the points I have made.

10/22/2009 c10 sokkergurl
I thought this chapter was really cute and really funny! I like how she wants to know what happened and is going with all 3 of the brothers. It was funny when Rumil came in and ruined the moment but that is what brothers do! Thanks for the update and can't wait til the next one! Thanks Again!

9/13/2009 c9 sokkergurl
This is such a good story so far. I like the character because she actually is an interesting person to follow. I like the way you brought Haldir back and the brohters into the story because that gives the comdedy to the story and also the jealousy. I also like how you made the girl related to Elrond that is a great thing. I hope that she and Haldir do get to kiss eventually. Thanks for the update and please hurry with the next one!

8/7/2009 c9 Valinor's Twilight
Great update, I loved it. Keep up the great work.

8/6/2009 c9 Aqua Skies
I'm glad you updated, I really like this story and I've missed the updates.

7/10/2009 c8 Valinor's Twilight
Intriguing story.I love it.