for Narusaku Halloween3/25 c1 
1Dragneel-Fluffernutter
It was cute! But (this isn't just because I don't like Vampires) when he said "I'm a Vampire" there was no emotion, and my own opinion, I prefer Kyuubi over Vampire, but ignore that XD but either way, I love how you had them dance to the song in the end, lol, anywho, keep writing!
1Dragneel-FluffernutterIt was cute! But (this isn't just because I don't like Vampires) when he said "I'm a Vampire" there was no emotion, and my own opinion, I prefer Kyuubi over Vampire, but ignore that XD but either way, I love how you had them dance to the song in the end, lol, anywho, keep writing!
2/11 c1 Guest
I liket it
I liket it
11/22/2012 c1 3kingJthepokeshipper
Amazing but when naruto asked her arent vampires allergic to sunlight wouldnt hehave died
3kingJthepokeshipperAmazing but when naruto asked her arent vampires allergic to sunlight wouldnt hehave died
7/24/2012 c1 ILuvYouHatersp
Cool it can be like a shorter version of Twilight without Jacob in it!XD
Cool it can be like a shorter version of Twilight without Jacob in it!XD
7/2/2012 c1 BDG420
LAAAAAAAAAAAAME first sakura tries to ** herself out to assgay and then after being shot down she whores herself out to naruto? REALLY? when did the relationship even begin with those 2?
LAAAAAAAAAAAAME first sakura tries to ** herself out to assgay and then after being shot down she whores herself out to naruto? REALLY? when did the relationship even begin with those 2?
7/18/2011 c1 1Shauni2420
*Dances along to Thriller* That is cute! Foreva loved NaruSaku! *Sings Thiller* Cause this is thriller, thriller night, and no one's gonna save you, from the beast about to strike, You know it's killer, thriller night, You're fighting for your life, inside a killer, thriller tonight, yeah! *dancing and continues singing*
1Shauni2420*Dances along to Thriller* That is cute! Foreva loved NaruSaku! *Sings Thiller* Cause this is thriller, thriller night, and no one's gonna save you, from the beast about to strike, You know it's killer, thriller night, You're fighting for your life, inside a killer, thriller tonight, yeah! *dancing and continues singing*
5/14/2011 c1 5MagicalMisa
I love 4 things. 1.) The song Thriller 2.) Halloween 'cause of the candy! 3.) Narusaku and last but not least... 4.).. THIS SONGFIC!
5MagicalMisaI love 4 things. 1.) The song Thriller 2.) Halloween 'cause of the candy! 3.) Narusaku and last but not least... 4.).. THIS SONGFIC!
5/23/2010 c1 4Zeitgeist84
It's okay, but there are some glaringly obvious problems with the fic. The premise was good for a Halloween story, but the length was very short and the way Sakura and Naruto's relationship is portrayed is unnecessarily rushed.
This is evidenced by her saying: "You're my boyfriend and I'll love you no matter what you are." First of all, that line is very cliché, and wasn't Sakura trying to ask Sasuke out just earlier that day? No real romantic progression there, but the intent was good. You might want to lengthen your one-shots so you can show progression of the romance and characters so the endings won't seem so abrupt. Along the lines of progression of chracter, you might not want to make your characters seem so robotic. Give them some sort of personality that makes them seem wholly human instead of making them sound so disinterested and mechanized in the story. I'd suggest you go and read some masterpiece books like Frankenstein (A Gothic Horror novel, right up your alley) or something like the Count of Monte Cristo (Revenge Story). It might give you a fic idea as well. This can make your characters seem so much more human if your willing to put time into it and invest into a multi-chapter story where you can reeally convey these feelings that seem like chaff in the wind in a one-thousand word one-shot.
Another bit of advice, ease up on the Sasuke-hating. Continually bashing one character is the sign of a poor writer. It may appeal to the mindless masses of twelve and thirten-year olds, but bashing a character constantly doesn't appeal to the guys out there past puberty who dislike the whole 'I hate Sasuke' Clique. I don't mean to offend, but you should stop following these cliché story additions because they actually weaken your plot, rather than strengthen it. Again, no offense intended, but there's one thing you should work on.
It's an interesting plot, but if you work on your grammar, how you present the story, and progression of the characters, and you'll be churning out Frankensteins in no time.
Hope my review helped,
Paragon.
P.S. Doesn't really concern your fic, but when you give a review to others, please give a legitimate one. Telling me that 'This is a good story. Please continue. Naruto and Sakura forever.' doesn't help me in the slightest in how to improve my fic; as it is on every other person who has written a Naru/Saku's review page. Thanks in advance for understanding.
Paragon Out.
4Zeitgeist84It's okay, but there are some glaringly obvious problems with the fic. The premise was good for a Halloween story, but the length was very short and the way Sakura and Naruto's relationship is portrayed is unnecessarily rushed.
This is evidenced by her saying: "You're my boyfriend and I'll love you no matter what you are." First of all, that line is very cliché, and wasn't Sakura trying to ask Sasuke out just earlier that day? No real romantic progression there, but the intent was good. You might want to lengthen your one-shots so you can show progression of the romance and characters so the endings won't seem so abrupt. Along the lines of progression of chracter, you might not want to make your characters seem so robotic. Give them some sort of personality that makes them seem wholly human instead of making them sound so disinterested and mechanized in the story. I'd suggest you go and read some masterpiece books like Frankenstein (A Gothic Horror novel, right up your alley) or something like the Count of Monte Cristo (Revenge Story). It might give you a fic idea as well. This can make your characters seem so much more human if your willing to put time into it and invest into a multi-chapter story where you can reeally convey these feelings that seem like chaff in the wind in a one-thousand word one-shot.
Another bit of advice, ease up on the Sasuke-hating. Continually bashing one character is the sign of a poor writer. It may appeal to the mindless masses of twelve and thirten-year olds, but bashing a character constantly doesn't appeal to the guys out there past puberty who dislike the whole 'I hate Sasuke' Clique. I don't mean to offend, but you should stop following these cliché story additions because they actually weaken your plot, rather than strengthen it. Again, no offense intended, but there's one thing you should work on.
It's an interesting plot, but if you work on your grammar, how you present the story, and progression of the characters, and you'll be churning out Frankensteins in no time.
Hope my review helped,
Paragon.
P.S. Doesn't really concern your fic, but when you give a review to others, please give a legitimate one. Telling me that 'This is a good story. Please continue. Naruto and Sakura forever.' doesn't help me in the slightest in how to improve my fic; as it is on every other person who has written a Naru/Saku's review page. Thanks in advance for understanding.
Paragon Out.
1/16/2010 c1 9MoetEtCadaver
Most of the vampire ** out today is lame but this is actually really cool and good, I love how romantic and twisted this was. I read your page, you have good shipper taste. I write Spandy if you'd like to take a look.
9MoetEtCadaverMost of the vampire ** out today is lame but this is actually really cool and good, I love how romantic and twisted this was. I read your page, you have good shipper taste. I write Spandy if you'd like to take a look.
12/23/2009 c1 Mark Twain
Like the rest of your stories, your grammer needs massive improvement but I liked the idea for this one.
Maybe if you find a beta reader or ask one of your school teachers to help, your stories would do even better.
"Encouraging ignorance is never acceptable. Think before you praise."
Like the rest of your stories, your grammer needs massive improvement but I liked the idea for this one.
Maybe if you find a beta reader or ask one of your school teachers to help, your stories would do even better.
"Encouraging ignorance is never acceptable. Think before you praise."
11/1/2009 c1 Brandon
This is a sweet story good for just a holiday fic but it was a little rabdom him being a vamp i thought he was going to tell her he was the nine tailed fox's prison.
This is a sweet story good for just a holiday fic but it was a little rabdom him being a vamp i thought he was going to tell her he was the nine tailed fox's prison.