for The Greatest Mystery: An Epilogue7/14/2011 c1 
4Donna Aminta of the Black Rose
It stands well enough alone, but I would very much like to see how it got to this point. You're writing style works so well, and you really capture this beautifully. I just want to see more, much more.
4Donna Aminta of the Black RoseIt stands well enough alone, but I would very much like to see how it got to this point. You're writing style works so well, and you really capture this beautifully. I just want to see more, much more.
6/2/2010 c1 Wackford Squeers
Here's the honest truth: Your prose is fairly good; you have a much better vocabulary than most fanfic writers (that's not saying much, but I mean it in the best possible way), but your story goes nowhere, and thus, fails to capture one's interest.
If your your prose was perhaps a bit better (think Tender is the Night or something of that nature), you could perhaps get away with a story that meanders in sentimental descriptions of a heroine. However, it is not. That is not to say it is bad; you are a fair lyricist, but your skill in that area alone is not enough to carry the tale.
You have all the basic mechanics needed to create a good story, all you have want of is a plot; throw in some clever twists and you'll have a great story!
Here's the honest truth: Your prose is fairly good; you have a much better vocabulary than most fanfic writers (that's not saying much, but I mean it in the best possible way), but your story goes nowhere, and thus, fails to capture one's interest.
If your your prose was perhaps a bit better (think Tender is the Night or something of that nature), you could perhaps get away with a story that meanders in sentimental descriptions of a heroine. However, it is not. That is not to say it is bad; you are a fair lyricist, but your skill in that area alone is not enough to carry the tale.
You have all the basic mechanics needed to create a good story, all you have want of is a plot; throw in some clever twists and you'll have a great story!