for Continuing On9/20/2010 c13 RionaEire
Nice to see a new chapter, it is interesting to ponder how Mal and Inara would talk about the subject hanging in the air, I find myself wanting more there, but I can understand the open endedness of it, because they both don't know what to do, that's a situation that may not have a clean cut answer. I'm wondering why Simon was grudgingly letting River go, he should be glad that she's happy and going to go do fun things. That Simon. Do continue the story.
Riona
Nice to see a new chapter, it is interesting to ponder how Mal and Inara would talk about the subject hanging in the air, I find myself wanting more there, but I can understand the open endedness of it, because they both don't know what to do, that's a situation that may not have a clean cut answer. I'm wondering why Simon was grudgingly letting River go, he should be glad that she's happy and going to go do fun things. That Simon. Do continue the story.
Riona
9/15/2010 c13 
10Malinara
Glad that River managed to have an outing despite Simon's protests big brothers can be real protective...the moment between Mal and Inara was so sad hope Mal can make her see that making their relationship work is a challenge she'd be willing to face!
10MalinaraGlad that River managed to have an outing despite Simon's protests big brothers can be real protective...the moment between Mal and Inara was so sad hope Mal can make her see that making their relationship work is a challenge she'd be willing to face!
7/6/2010 c12 RionaEire
The most strange/effective thing about this chapter is that I felt my own body relaxing as I read it, my breathing got deeper and I felt more settled. I'm glad that this is a tool that River and Vee can use to calm River, settle her down. I like how you wrote about the stars and how Vee feels about them, the whole chapter was written very well indeed.
Riona
The most strange/effective thing about this chapter is that I felt my own body relaxing as I read it, my breathing got deeper and I felt more settled. I'm glad that this is a tool that River and Vee can use to calm River, settle her down. I like how you wrote about the stars and how Vee feels about them, the whole chapter was written very well indeed.
Riona
7/5/2010 c11 Daine
Interesting plot so far. I've read most of it in one sitting.
Interesting plot so far. I've read most of it in one sitting.
6/14/2010 c11 RionaEire
I'm excited about the new plot developments, that will be interesting and good for the action side of the story, I've never seen the Alliance send a friend of Inara's to do their bidding, that will be a new idea and I look forward to the plot thickening. In other news that baby clothes idea is super cute, I love it.
Riona
I'm excited about the new plot developments, that will be interesting and good for the action side of the story, I've never seen the Alliance send a friend of Inara's to do their bidding, that will be a new idea and I look forward to the plot thickening. In other news that baby clothes idea is super cute, I love it.
Riona
6/7/2010 c10 Dragon77
Great chapter! I can’t wait to read the next chapter so keep on writing and UPDATE SOON.
Great chapter! I can’t wait to read the next chapter so keep on writing and UPDATE SOON.
5/17/2010 c10 Malinara
Thank god things are getting better...can't wait fot the baby to come =)Looks like Vee and Jayne have a bit of Mal and Inara in them.
Thank god things are getting better...can't wait fot the baby to come =)Looks like Vee and Jayne have a bit of Mal and Inara in them.
5/10/2010 c10 RionaEire
Good scene between Jayne and Vee, fondness for another person can make a person soften, make them care when they never would have before, even Jayne I suppose. I liked the sentence "Her heart superimposed the wrong image onto his face". You call the memories rediscovered, had Vee forgotten all those things? Since she remembers killing Dennis it stands to reason that she remembers what came before it so I'm just asking to clarify. So how long was she in a catatonia afterwords? Who looked after her? When did she become "normal" again, come back to herself? Poor River is upset, I hope Simon can settle her down before she rips the whole apart and loses the pages. I do think that they can all work together to help Zoe with the baby. Oh, and if I were Simon I'd definitely want to know what set River into this state, why she's upset. Nice chapter, still doing well at keeping all your situational ducks in a row and covered, telling us about what is going on with everyone experiencing the plot of the story.
Riona
Good scene between Jayne and Vee, fondness for another person can make a person soften, make them care when they never would have before, even Jayne I suppose. I liked the sentence "Her heart superimposed the wrong image onto his face". You call the memories rediscovered, had Vee forgotten all those things? Since she remembers killing Dennis it stands to reason that she remembers what came before it so I'm just asking to clarify. So how long was she in a catatonia afterwords? Who looked after her? When did she become "normal" again, come back to herself? Poor River is upset, I hope Simon can settle her down before she rips the whole apart and loses the pages. I do think that they can all work together to help Zoe with the baby. Oh, and if I were Simon I'd definitely want to know what set River into this state, why she's upset. Nice chapter, still doing well at keeping all your situational ducks in a row and covered, telling us about what is going on with everyone experiencing the plot of the story.
Riona
5/5/2010 c9 RionaEire
Writing wise that was your best chapter yet, you did wonderfully at creating a chapter that had pieces of everything going on in the story, Zoe's situation, which was well handled, and Vee's past and her possible feelings for Jayne. Mal's speech was rather moving, didn't sound exactly like him but it had his sentiments which is what really matters I suppose. Those are the things he'd probably think to himself secretly and not let out until he had to. Your segment about Vee's barriers breaking down was effective, you create images of what her life was like and we see as River is seeing all these things about her girlhood etc. I think River would not be feeling well after that, she may need to rest a bit since the floodgates came open in a crash of heavy-laiden mucky water. Interesting how all of a sudden it is Jayne who is there with Vee at the end, well done. Really good chapter.
Riona
Writing wise that was your best chapter yet, you did wonderfully at creating a chapter that had pieces of everything going on in the story, Zoe's situation, which was well handled, and Vee's past and her possible feelings for Jayne. Mal's speech was rather moving, didn't sound exactly like him but it had his sentiments which is what really matters I suppose. Those are the things he'd probably think to himself secretly and not let out until he had to. Your segment about Vee's barriers breaking down was effective, you create images of what her life was like and we see as River is seeing all these things about her girlhood etc. I think River would not be feeling well after that, she may need to rest a bit since the floodgates came open in a crash of heavy-laiden mucky water. Interesting how all of a sudden it is Jayne who is there with Vee at the end, well done. Really good chapter.
Riona
5/2/2010 c8 RionaEire
Interesting, I've never seen anyone do this before. No one has ever dared to suggest that the stoic warrior woman could run out of will, it will be interesting to see how this progresses from here because I do believe that even a tough person like Zoe could experience these feelings and possibly act on them. She's been through so much and her bucket finally overflowed. I suspect she didn't know she was carrying a child though, she never would have tried if she knew I'd wager. But she's a fighter and I think things can still work out. I liked the sentence "The last words were emphasized by cuttlery", this shows how very desperate Zoe has gotten, egged on by the lack of understanding that she perceives from others. I'm not so sure Mal would have been so brazen, so obnoxious as to propose a toast to the situation, he might propose a sad toast to Wash before eating but never at the same time as mentioning the new member of the crew. How much time has elapsed since Wash passed away? Have they not eaten together since? I find that unlikely. Something I like about this chapter is the little details, Vee cracks her knuckles and Mal's hands are tanned, description is a good thing to do in stories. I wonder why Mal is suddenly acting like Vee is a great new friend since in the last chapter he is disliking her presence? Don't get discouraged a chara, I can tell that you enjoy writing these charactors and you are doing fine, just keep at it, you do write an interesting story.
Riona
Interesting, I've never seen anyone do this before. No one has ever dared to suggest that the stoic warrior woman could run out of will, it will be interesting to see how this progresses from here because I do believe that even a tough person like Zoe could experience these feelings and possibly act on them. She's been through so much and her bucket finally overflowed. I suspect she didn't know she was carrying a child though, she never would have tried if she knew I'd wager. But she's a fighter and I think things can still work out. I liked the sentence "The last words were emphasized by cuttlery", this shows how very desperate Zoe has gotten, egged on by the lack of understanding that she perceives from others. I'm not so sure Mal would have been so brazen, so obnoxious as to propose a toast to the situation, he might propose a sad toast to Wash before eating but never at the same time as mentioning the new member of the crew. How much time has elapsed since Wash passed away? Have they not eaten together since? I find that unlikely. Something I like about this chapter is the little details, Vee cracks her knuckles and Mal's hands are tanned, description is a good thing to do in stories. I wonder why Mal is suddenly acting like Vee is a great new friend since in the last chapter he is disliking her presence? Don't get discouraged a chara, I can tell that you enjoy writing these charactors and you are doing fine, just keep at it, you do write an interesting story.
Riona
4/30/2010 c8 Malinara
Loved the Zoe-outburst, she normally keeps her feelings to herself so it's good to see her venting - even if Mal is confused than usual after that. Hopefully the fact that she's pregnant might give Zoe a reason to keep going.
Loved the Zoe-outburst, she normally keeps her feelings to herself so it's good to see her venting - even if Mal is confused than usual after that. Hopefully the fact that she's pregnant might give Zoe a reason to keep going.
4/19/2010 c7 RionaEire
Thanks for the complaments. I think you've created a realistic scenario: everyone is getting used to and enjoying Vee and it drives Mal to distraction because she irritates him though he can't put his finger on why. I also think Zoe's feelings are very valid and likely, everyone is "moving on" (I hate that phrase by the way) and seems to not understand where Zoe is with her loss and how seeing everyone "moving on" hurts her. These feelings are natural and sensable to write about. I do feel that it is all resolved too quickly, doesn't have the messiness that such emotions have in real life. I'm not so sure Inara would tell Zoe to wash her face and give us a smile, that seems really insensative to me, I'd slap Inara if she said that to me after I poured out my feelings like Zoe has just done. That being said that is a hard scene to write, raw emotions and heavy feelings can be difficult, especially when one is young. Maybe Zoe can have so more trouble and struggling with this. I do think delving into these feelings of Mal and Zoe about Vee is interesting and would be interesting to read more about. I think exploring these feelings is good and maybe we can all learn something as readers too. I can definitely relate to not getting along well with someone that everyone seems to like. This usually happens if I have previous history with them that others don't or if their personality clashes with mine, they try to take over in some way etc. I would probably be intimidated by Vee too since everyone likes her and she is sort of "taking Wash's place as pilot.
Riona
Thanks for the complaments. I think you've created a realistic scenario: everyone is getting used to and enjoying Vee and it drives Mal to distraction because she irritates him though he can't put his finger on why. I also think Zoe's feelings are very valid and likely, everyone is "moving on" (I hate that phrase by the way) and seems to not understand where Zoe is with her loss and how seeing everyone "moving on" hurts her. These feelings are natural and sensable to write about. I do feel that it is all resolved too quickly, doesn't have the messiness that such emotions have in real life. I'm not so sure Inara would tell Zoe to wash her face and give us a smile, that seems really insensative to me, I'd slap Inara if she said that to me after I poured out my feelings like Zoe has just done. That being said that is a hard scene to write, raw emotions and heavy feelings can be difficult, especially when one is young. Maybe Zoe can have so more trouble and struggling with this. I do think delving into these feelings of Mal and Zoe about Vee is interesting and would be interesting to read more about. I think exploring these feelings is good and maybe we can all learn something as readers too. I can definitely relate to not getting along well with someone that everyone seems to like. This usually happens if I have previous history with them that others don't or if their personality clashes with mine, they try to take over in some way etc. I would probably be intimidated by Vee too since everyone likes her and she is sort of "taking Wash's place as pilot.
Riona
3/29/2010 c6 RionaEire
I was just thinking about this story recently, nice to see a new chapter up. Looks like that lovely planet didn't turn out to be so lovely after all. I'm interested to see if Vee will get into a romance with anyone, its looking like Simon or Jayne are available options right now. I find it interesting, and telling, that Mal defends Inara's proffession, even though he (sort of) agrees with Vee about it or at least did in the not so distant past. I can relate to Vee in that sometimes my filter is limited and I just have to say what I really think about things and can't be coherced otherwise.
Riona
I was just thinking about this story recently, nice to see a new chapter up. Looks like that lovely planet didn't turn out to be so lovely after all. I'm interested to see if Vee will get into a romance with anyone, its looking like Simon or Jayne are available options right now. I find it interesting, and telling, that Mal defends Inara's proffession, even though he (sort of) agrees with Vee about it or at least did in the not so distant past. I can relate to Vee in that sometimes my filter is limited and I just have to say what I really think about things and can't be coherced otherwise.
Riona
3/26/2010 c6 Malinara
I don't like it with people judge Inara - even when Mal does it =/
Oh yeah...a BIG crush Vee!
I don't like it with people judge Inara - even when Mal does it =/
Oh yeah...a BIG crush Vee!
2/2/2010 c5 RionaEire
I love that place you describe, with the tall grass to run through and the wild roses, the warm sun, that sounds like a wonderful place to be, it makes me smile just reading about it. I guess something will have to happen to change Mal's mind about Vee going away. Its nice how River is helping Vee feel better too. One thing I've been thinking about is dialogue. Its hard to write good dialogue and it takes practice. Its also hard to not use expressions that are current like "she gets me" but sometimes those don't work so well in a futuristic story. That being said this story is interesting and has lots of potential to keep being interesting, after all, you convinced me to stay around even after I freaked out at the beginning, remember? :)
Riona
I love that place you describe, with the tall grass to run through and the wild roses, the warm sun, that sounds like a wonderful place to be, it makes me smile just reading about it. I guess something will have to happen to change Mal's mind about Vee going away. Its nice how River is helping Vee feel better too. One thing I've been thinking about is dialogue. Its hard to write good dialogue and it takes practice. Its also hard to not use expressions that are current like "she gets me" but sometimes those don't work so well in a futuristic story. That being said this story is interesting and has lots of potential to keep being interesting, after all, you convinced me to stay around even after I freaked out at the beginning, remember? :)
Riona