for Ridiculous Rascal7/5/2011 c1 Guest
WIN HAS NOT BEEN THIS EPIC.
Sorry, random. This was good. You know who I am. I like the characterization, and your phrasing.
Love your writing + thanks for writing this!
WIN HAS NOT BEEN THIS EPIC.
Sorry, random. This was good. You know who I am. I like the characterization, and your phrasing.
Love your writing + thanks for writing this!
5/10/2010 c1 
2Manda Rae
LOL Shizuo! XP I could so totally see that encounter happening in the show haha. Nicely written! ^^
2Manda RaeLOL Shizuo! XP I could so totally see that encounter happening in the show haha. Nicely written! ^^
3/31/2010 c1 ChocolateLizz
Just to clear things up- Shizuo is not a bartender, anymore. He just wears the clothes.
Just to clear things up- Shizuo is not a bartender, anymore. He just wears the clothes.
3/3/2010 c1 Andrea
Very nice! I loved the sentence about how the regulars of the bar were used to Shizuo and that the newcomers were obvious-it would totally be so true!
Anyway, your writing can use improvement. It was a bit unclear on what you were trying to say as he was describing the runaway. I think that you should try getting really into the character's head for about a minute or so before writing. Feel what he's feeling, think about those he knows, and how he feels about them. Close your eyes to do so if it helps. Then open them and let the character speak through you, you might find it makes a difference.
Or maybe it won't, but to grow as a writer one must try different things all the time.
I enjoyed your fic, though, don't get me wrong. It was a fun read. :]
Very nice! I loved the sentence about how the regulars of the bar were used to Shizuo and that the newcomers were obvious-it would totally be so true!
Anyway, your writing can use improvement. It was a bit unclear on what you were trying to say as he was describing the runaway. I think that you should try getting really into the character's head for about a minute or so before writing. Feel what he's feeling, think about those he knows, and how he feels about them. Close your eyes to do so if it helps. Then open them and let the character speak through you, you might find it makes a difference.
Or maybe it won't, but to grow as a writer one must try different things all the time.
I enjoyed your fic, though, don't get me wrong. It was a fun read. :]
2/22/2010 c1 8Grinning Wolf
Lol, I can totally see that happening! ^-^ You kept them in character, which is kinda easy to do considering you haven't seen much of anyone yet. =3
It made me laugh, glad to see some fics starting to appear. Yay I love Shizuo! xD
8Grinning WolfLol, I can totally see that happening! ^-^ You kept them in character, which is kinda easy to do considering you haven't seen much of anyone yet. =3
It made me laugh, glad to see some fics starting to appear. Yay I love Shizuo! xD