for Pokemon mystery dungeon explorers of illusion4/11 c2 
22ComedyMaster333
1. Dratini's name should be capitalized just like any other Pokemon.
2. Dratini shouldn't even know about humans, or at least be shocked by the sight of one.
3. Pokemon is capitalized too.
4. Instead of saying that this is my nickname in this world, just say nickname to make it easier.
5. Add more details. What did the guild look like when they got there?
6. Were there any motives for randomly joining the exploration team? Did they hesitate to agree? If not, then the main characters are very gullible.
7. There are many errors. Get them fixed by a BETA Reader like me.
8. Why are they specifically fighting Shiftry? Did they get an order, or did they choose to themselves?
9. All that Dratini, Fox, and Virus know is just the move Wrap? Usually lower level Pokemon know a stat-dropping move or whatnot. Unless you have a Magikarp.
10. What move(s) does Swampy know? It wasn't listed in the story.
Ten Edits A Day Keeps The Noobs Away
22ComedyMaster3331. Dratini's name should be capitalized just like any other Pokemon.
2. Dratini shouldn't even know about humans, or at least be shocked by the sight of one.
3. Pokemon is capitalized too.
4. Instead of saying that this is my nickname in this world, just say nickname to make it easier.
5. Add more details. What did the guild look like when they got there?
6. Were there any motives for randomly joining the exploration team? Did they hesitate to agree? If not, then the main characters are very gullible.
7. There are many errors. Get them fixed by a BETA Reader like me.
8. Why are they specifically fighting Shiftry? Did they get an order, or did they choose to themselves?
9. All that Dratini, Fox, and Virus know is just the move Wrap? Usually lower level Pokemon know a stat-dropping move or whatnot. Unless you have a Magikarp.
10. What move(s) does Swampy know? It wasn't listed in the story.
Ten Edits A Day Keeps The Noobs Away
1/9 c2 Maxwell Shakespe
Hello I want to suggest a pokemon I made up
Name: sparx
Species: pikachu
Moves: thunderbolt,iron tail,and volt tackle
Alignment: hero
Hello I want to suggest a pokemon I made up
Name: sparx
Species: pikachu
Moves: thunderbolt,iron tail,and volt tackle
Alignment: hero
8/20/2012 c3 2Bulbasaur816
Awsone oh and here's an OC
Name:Cj
Species:bulbasaur (male and if you don't mind can he be another human transformed into a pokemon)
Moveset:energyball razor leaf protect sleep powder
Alignment:hero
Personality:normally nice but when angered can get a little out of control. Does not like it when his friends are hurt
2Bulbasaur816Awsone oh and here's an OC
Name:Cj
Species:bulbasaur (male and if you don't mind can he be another human transformed into a pokemon)
Moveset:energyball razor leaf protect sleep powder
Alignment:hero
Personality:normally nice but when angered can get a little out of control. Does not like it when his friends are hurt
8/4/2012 c3 7shiorioji
Hmm...this has the potential to be a great story. It's interesting but I suggest putting it in paragraph format. What you're doing is a good idea but paragraphs tend to keep readers interested longer and let them know what the characters are feeling, giving them a closer connection and therefore making them more interested. I like it though.
7shioriojiHmm...this has the potential to be a great story. It's interesting but I suggest putting it in paragraph format. What you're doing is a good idea but paragraphs tend to keep readers interested longer and let them know what the characters are feeling, giving them a closer connection and therefore making them more interested. I like it though.
12/20/2011 c2 3PokemonWarriorcats
Can you pls add mmy OC?
Moonshadow (Umbreon) Male
Shadow Ball, Dark Pulse, Agility, Psychic, Tackle
Wants to be hero.
3PokemonWarriorcatsCan you pls add mmy OC?
Moonshadow (Umbreon) Male
Shadow Ball, Dark Pulse, Agility, Psychic, Tackle
Wants to be hero.
6/3/2011 c3 1fanficssuck
This is crap. It sucks. I've had a look at most of your fics, and they're terrible.
1fanficssuckThis is crap. It sucks. I've had a look at most of your fics, and they're terrible.
3/10/2011 c3 1Aero l'aquila
Nice chapters. Perhaps you could do a longer one next time. That would be better.
Well, this is my OC:
Name: Lectrix (Lex for short)
Species: Luxio (he later evolved to Luxaray)
Move set: Thunder Fang, Metal Claw, Thunder, Protect
Allignment: Hero
Personality: Quiet, can be cold to others sometimes but he's actually warm. Known to throw tempers when he is insulted
1Aero l'aquilaNice chapters. Perhaps you could do a longer one next time. That would be better.
Well, this is my OC:
Name: Lectrix (Lex for short)
Species: Luxio (he later evolved to Luxaray)
Move set: Thunder Fang, Metal Claw, Thunder, Protect
Allignment: Hero
Personality: Quiet, can be cold to others sometimes but he's actually warm. Known to throw tempers when he is insulted
1/4/2011 c1 4PokemonGalaxy1009
Not too bad for the beginning of the story. I guess ther could have been a bit more, but it's still pretty good.
4PokemonGalaxy1009Not too bad for the beginning of the story. I guess ther could have been a bit more, but it's still pretty good.
12/14/2010 c2 100-percent-Empoleon
name:mike
treacko
energy ball absorb leaf blade quik attack
neutrall
name:mike
treacko
energy ball absorb leaf blade quik attack
neutrall
8/28/2010 c1 Mad Saint 408
Actually, Could you change Kosaku's name to Byakko? Because I want him to seem powerful, Which he is. Oh, and the name of the team is Regret, formerly Team Spirit(it's a pun, geddit?), re-named because they regret their actions in the past.
Actually, Could you change Kosaku's name to Byakko? Because I want him to seem powerful, Which he is. Oh, and the name of the team is Regret, formerly Team Spirit(it's a pun, geddit?), re-named because they regret their actions in the past.
8/27/2010 c3 Mad Saint 408
You should put it into paragraph format, because It makes more sense that way.
You should put it into paragraph format, because It makes more sense that way.
8/27/2010 c2 Mad Saint 408
Name: Kosaku (male)
Species: Lucario
Moveset: Aura sphere, Force Palm, Extremespeed, Iron Tail
Allignment: Rogue hero
Name: Genbu(male)
Species: Torterra
Moveset: Earthquake, Energy ball, Wood hammer, Ingrain
Allignment: Rogue Hero
Name: Glace(female)
Species: Glaceon
Moveset: Avalanche, Ice Fang, Attract, endure
Allignment: Rogue hero
Name: Flare(female)
Species: Quilava(didn't want to evolve twice)
Moveset: Eruption, rest, sleep talk, Focus punch
Allignment: Rogue hero
...Rogue heros are Good guys that made BIG mistakes in the past, as in crimes, but started a new life, and my guys will help the main team often, but hide from the government. they are trying to make amends for teir sins.
Name: Kosaku (male)
Species: Lucario
Moveset: Aura sphere, Force Palm, Extremespeed, Iron Tail
Allignment: Rogue hero
Name: Genbu(male)
Species: Torterra
Moveset: Earthquake, Energy ball, Wood hammer, Ingrain
Allignment: Rogue Hero
Name: Glace(female)
Species: Glaceon
Moveset: Avalanche, Ice Fang, Attract, endure
Allignment: Rogue hero
Name: Flare(female)
Species: Quilava(didn't want to evolve twice)
Moveset: Eruption, rest, sleep talk, Focus punch
Allignment: Rogue hero
...Rogue heros are Good guys that made BIG mistakes in the past, as in crimes, but started a new life, and my guys will help the main team often, but hide from the government. they are trying to make amends for teir sins.
6/18/2010 c2 8Dragonrager
OC!
Name: Callum
Species: Salamence
Moveset: Fire-blast, Hydro pump, Dragon-claw and earthquake
Alignment: villain, then good later on.
used to be a friend of dragoness when younger, then turned evil.
8DragonragerOC!
Name: Callum
Species: Salamence
Moveset: Fire-blast, Hydro pump, Dragon-claw and earthquake
Alignment: villain, then good later on.
used to be a friend of dragoness when younger, then turned evil.
5/9/2010 c3 16Jac Bandit
This story is AWESOME! you can use these OCs. You don't have to use them both.
Name: Rolo [male]
Species: Cyndaquil
Move set: Flamewheel, Smokescreen, Rest, Sleep Talk
Alignment: Good
Name: Draco [male]
Species: Dragonite
Move Set: Draco Meteor, Thunder Punch, Overheat, Dragon Claw
Alignment: Villain
Name: Star [female]
Species: Pikachu
Move Set: Iron Tail, Volt Tackle, Recover, Swift [most used]
Alignment: Neutral
Please use at least 1. Good Luck
16Jac BanditThis story is AWESOME! you can use these OCs. You don't have to use them both.
Name: Rolo [male]
Species: Cyndaquil
Move set: Flamewheel, Smokescreen, Rest, Sleep Talk
Alignment: Good
Name: Draco [male]
Species: Dragonite
Move Set: Draco Meteor, Thunder Punch, Overheat, Dragon Claw
Alignment: Villain
Name: Star [female]
Species: Pikachu
Move Set: Iron Tail, Volt Tackle, Recover, Swift [most used]
Alignment: Neutral
Please use at least 1. Good Luck