for As Children After Play9h ago c1 MzSasha
Hey sweets. I really like the way you have details in your story, I have two Arthurs storys that I fall in love with. And I must say this first chapter is amazing.
Hey sweets. I really like the way you have details in your story, I have two Arthurs storys that I fall in love with. And I must say this first chapter is amazing.
5/9 c43 Andi1975
I am loving this story. I hope bella does not do something stupid.
When they were at the hearing I was hoping that Jasper would send off some gibes to make Charlie flip a lid and tell the truth. Or accidently blow a gasket and start threatening bella.
Please update soon.
I am loving this story. I hope bella does not do something stupid.
When they were at the hearing I was hoping that Jasper would send off some gibes to make Charlie flip a lid and tell the truth. Or accidently blow a gasket and start threatening bella.
Please update soon.
5/5 c9 Renee Aubin
Wow, what a shift by the end of this chapter.
Excellent: ‘Alice's thoughts, as always, were a nuclear-powered merry-go-round…’ Interesting definition of Edward’s gift: ‘Because he couldn't actually see through Alice's eyes…’ I always thought it could be two separate gifts to catch the visual stream as well as thoughts.
Geez, if Charlie had any sense he’d find this very intimidating, at the Cullens’ house: ‘As the door opened he stared hard at all four Cullens, one at a time, ending on Edward.’ But he’s oblivious enough to go on the attack.
Nice moment: ‘The police chief's mind was an utter blank - it was possible he'd never come across anyone like Esme before, an upright woman who could cut to the quick while still being perfectly polite.’
Creepy: ‘"I don't like this talk about another secret," Rose muttered, and Edward silently agreed.’
Oh, so sad when Alice triggers Bella’s panic attack. ‘She practically dripped fear; it was on her breath just like a prey animal running for its life…” Ugh. Terrific: ‘…[Edward’s] voice a low murmur, calm and soothing, though inside he was a boiling mess of fury.’ OMG, what a moment when she manages to crawl into his arms. Heartclench. Lovely: ‘Edward lowered his head, pressing his lips to Bella's sleek hair and promising silently to do everything in his power to be worthy of that trust.’
Yaay: ‘She was offering even more information, and he didn't know how she had the courage to do it, but he was glad.’
Wonderful: ‘Her touch was electric and deliciously warm in a way he could neither explain nor quantify. It made him comfortable and uneasy at the same time, made him both fearful and at peace.’
Shocking to the Cullens: ‘Not knowing what else to do, hardly thinking at all, Edward moved his head slightly and kissed her.’
Well said: ‘He ached for more - more warmth, more touch, more...more anything, everything.’
Nice: ‘It was difficult, but he managed to keep the kiss tender and sweet without stepping over the heated line that had caused his family to bark at him.’
And this: ‘When you find her, Carlisle had said, you'll know.
Edward knew.’
And this: ‘The act - so simple and yet so trusting - sent a burst of protectiveness through him again, followed by an equally strong rush of possessiveness.’
Hmm, this has a dangerous edge: ‘Bella was his now, and he had every intention of keeping her, and keeping her safe.’
Excellent: ‘Because somewhere along the way she'd woven into the warp and weft of his world, and it was impossible to extricate her now. To go back through the weaving and try to pick apart the Bella strands would be to ruin him.’
Sigh: ‘No one should have to feel so alone that any offer of help was a foreign experience.’ Word.
Wow, what a shift by the end of this chapter.
Excellent: ‘Alice's thoughts, as always, were a nuclear-powered merry-go-round…’ Interesting definition of Edward’s gift: ‘Because he couldn't actually see through Alice's eyes…’ I always thought it could be two separate gifts to catch the visual stream as well as thoughts.
Geez, if Charlie had any sense he’d find this very intimidating, at the Cullens’ house: ‘As the door opened he stared hard at all four Cullens, one at a time, ending on Edward.’ But he’s oblivious enough to go on the attack.
Nice moment: ‘The police chief's mind was an utter blank - it was possible he'd never come across anyone like Esme before, an upright woman who could cut to the quick while still being perfectly polite.’
Creepy: ‘"I don't like this talk about another secret," Rose muttered, and Edward silently agreed.’
Oh, so sad when Alice triggers Bella’s panic attack. ‘She practically dripped fear; it was on her breath just like a prey animal running for its life…” Ugh. Terrific: ‘…[Edward’s] voice a low murmur, calm and soothing, though inside he was a boiling mess of fury.’ OMG, what a moment when she manages to crawl into his arms. Heartclench. Lovely: ‘Edward lowered his head, pressing his lips to Bella's sleek hair and promising silently to do everything in his power to be worthy of that trust.’
Yaay: ‘She was offering even more information, and he didn't know how she had the courage to do it, but he was glad.’
Wonderful: ‘Her touch was electric and deliciously warm in a way he could neither explain nor quantify. It made him comfortable and uneasy at the same time, made him both fearful and at peace.’
Shocking to the Cullens: ‘Not knowing what else to do, hardly thinking at all, Edward moved his head slightly and kissed her.’
Well said: ‘He ached for more - more warmth, more touch, more...more anything, everything.’
Nice: ‘It was difficult, but he managed to keep the kiss tender and sweet without stepping over the heated line that had caused his family to bark at him.’
And this: ‘When you find her, Carlisle had said, you'll know.
Edward knew.’
And this: ‘The act - so simple and yet so trusting - sent a burst of protectiveness through him again, followed by an equally strong rush of possessiveness.’
Hmm, this has a dangerous edge: ‘Bella was his now, and he had every intention of keeping her, and keeping her safe.’
Excellent: ‘Because somewhere along the way she'd woven into the warp and weft of his world, and it was impossible to extricate her now. To go back through the weaving and try to pick apart the Bella strands would be to ruin him.’
Sigh: ‘No one should have to feel so alone that any offer of help was a foreign experience.’ Word.
5/5 c43 
3kaycross1184
Daggumit! What is Bella thinking now? It's been a while since your last update. Please post again soon!
3kaycross1184Daggumit! What is Bella thinking now? It's been a while since your last update. Please post again soon!
5/1 c43 8lollapalozzafanatic83
WTF? Where the hell is she going?! This story is giving me heart palpitations
8lollapalozzafanatic83WTF? Where the hell is she going?! This story is giving me heart palpitations
4/24 c8 Renee Aubin
I like this little change to canon: ‘Though human food tasted like ash in their mouths, it still smelled wonderful.’ At least they can get a little pleasure from it.
It’s interesting to watch Edward’s thoughts about Bella develop across the chapters. Now ‘Edward didn't think his sisters or his mother could stand watching Bella grow old and die if they were permitted to get attached to her.’ It doesn’t seem to have even crossed his mind that she could become like them. Good job describing the emotional risks they would take getting involved with a human. I have this mental picture of the Cullens as rocks in the tide, unchanging as they watch successive waves of humans come and go.
Well done conversation between Edward and Carlisle about why Carlisle took Bella back to Charlie’s. Such a touchy situation.
Nice: ‘Bella was not in the room, and he felt his anxious frustration growing into something approximating anger. Without her big dark eyes to soothe him, he could feel the dark emotions gaining strength.’ Good job, too, on your description of the variations in what Edward hears from people’s thoughts. Excellent, re Bella’s silent mind: "It confuses me. She's only human. Humans don't have powers." Sometimes you crystallize in a few words a point that was not made nearly as well in canon.
‘Sometimes I think I see a vision of her as one of us - gold eyes, porcelain skin - but other times I see her holding a little dark-haired baby. Obviously they can't both be right.’ Having read ahead this time, I now know the explanation for this puzzle – clever!
Well formulated: "And that's the only way Carlisle would ever allow a transformation - if she were in mortal danger, or if she made the choice of her own free will, with nothing but her own best interests at heart." Consistent with the "vote" scene in NM.
And now we see Edward’s viewpoint: ‘…hating the image of Bella trapped in this demonic half-life even more. "Becoming a monster is in nobody's best interest."’ Somehow I accept that he sincerely believes this more easily in your story than in canon. Then Esme makes the chilling point “remember the monster she already lives with.”
So heartwarming , for both of them – when Bella comes downstairs and sees Edward: ‘…something in her deep eyes warmed and flickered. It answered the churning inside Edward, and just that knowledge, just her presence, immediately calmed some of his anxiety.’
Bless Esme: Today is a day for rest, baby," she said, her voice gentling. "For knowing you're safe, and nothing can happen to you here. When was the last time you had a day like that?" It’s sad to think that even as a very small child, Bella must have sensed that the world is a precarious place.
Rosalie is certainly good at finding just the right tone to keep Bella feeling calm and safe, isn’t she?
Interesting insight: ‘While her conscious mind knew [the Cullens] would not hurt her, part of her unconscious still identified attention with danger. And this family paid her a great deal of attention, and she didn't know why.’ And what a failure in our “system”: ‘Nobody had ever before sat her down and asked her if she needed help.’
Wow: ‘Edward was not just safe, but safety.’ And of course the mood swings, chuckle, and the fact that they don't scare her.
Beautiful image of Edward at the piano: ‘Weak autumn light shone like water on the gleaming ivory keys, his skin just as pale, as his long musician's fingers flexed and pressed.’
Alice’s room – lime, black, and robust pink. I like it! It will be interesting to see what contribution Alice makes to Bella’s recovery. At the moment she seems to be mostly overwhelming.
I like this little change to canon: ‘Though human food tasted like ash in their mouths, it still smelled wonderful.’ At least they can get a little pleasure from it.
It’s interesting to watch Edward’s thoughts about Bella develop across the chapters. Now ‘Edward didn't think his sisters or his mother could stand watching Bella grow old and die if they were permitted to get attached to her.’ It doesn’t seem to have even crossed his mind that she could become like them. Good job describing the emotional risks they would take getting involved with a human. I have this mental picture of the Cullens as rocks in the tide, unchanging as they watch successive waves of humans come and go.
Well done conversation between Edward and Carlisle about why Carlisle took Bella back to Charlie’s. Such a touchy situation.
Nice: ‘Bella was not in the room, and he felt his anxious frustration growing into something approximating anger. Without her big dark eyes to soothe him, he could feel the dark emotions gaining strength.’ Good job, too, on your description of the variations in what Edward hears from people’s thoughts. Excellent, re Bella’s silent mind: "It confuses me. She's only human. Humans don't have powers." Sometimes you crystallize in a few words a point that was not made nearly as well in canon.
‘Sometimes I think I see a vision of her as one of us - gold eyes, porcelain skin - but other times I see her holding a little dark-haired baby. Obviously they can't both be right.’ Having read ahead this time, I now know the explanation for this puzzle – clever!
Well formulated: "And that's the only way Carlisle would ever allow a transformation - if she were in mortal danger, or if she made the choice of her own free will, with nothing but her own best interests at heart." Consistent with the "vote" scene in NM.
And now we see Edward’s viewpoint: ‘…hating the image of Bella trapped in this demonic half-life even more. "Becoming a monster is in nobody's best interest."’ Somehow I accept that he sincerely believes this more easily in your story than in canon. Then Esme makes the chilling point “remember the monster she already lives with.”
So heartwarming , for both of them – when Bella comes downstairs and sees Edward: ‘…something in her deep eyes warmed and flickered. It answered the churning inside Edward, and just that knowledge, just her presence, immediately calmed some of his anxiety.’
Bless Esme: Today is a day for rest, baby," she said, her voice gentling. "For knowing you're safe, and nothing can happen to you here. When was the last time you had a day like that?" It’s sad to think that even as a very small child, Bella must have sensed that the world is a precarious place.
Rosalie is certainly good at finding just the right tone to keep Bella feeling calm and safe, isn’t she?
Interesting insight: ‘While her conscious mind knew [the Cullens] would not hurt her, part of her unconscious still identified attention with danger. And this family paid her a great deal of attention, and she didn't know why.’ And what a failure in our “system”: ‘Nobody had ever before sat her down and asked her if she needed help.’
Wow: ‘Edward was not just safe, but safety.’ And of course the mood swings, chuckle, and the fact that they don't scare her.
Beautiful image of Edward at the piano: ‘Weak autumn light shone like water on the gleaming ivory keys, his skin just as pale, as his long musician's fingers flexed and pressed.’
Alice’s room – lime, black, and robust pink. I like it! It will be interesting to see what contribution Alice makes to Bella’s recovery. At the moment she seems to be mostly overwhelming.
4/19 c43 3distinctlyforbidden
good story, as always, but sometimes bella really frustrates me when she dives head first into 'saving the family' from charlie.
3distinctlyforbiddengood story, as always, but sometimes bella really frustrates me when she dives head first into 'saving the family' from charlie.
4/19 c43 2my pretty kitty7
You. Are. Freaking. Amazing. I read through the whole story in a couple of days and I must say that this is the best story I've ever read on hear and I don't think that I'm exaggerating by saying that this story might be better than the twilight saga itself! (And I LOVE twilight) you are an excellent author and I have to thank you for actually using good grammar and spelling because I hate it when someone writes like its a bad text message. but you. You are incredible!
2my pretty kitty7You. Are. Freaking. Amazing. I read through the whole story in a couple of days and I must say that this is the best story I've ever read on hear and I don't think that I'm exaggerating by saying that this story might be better than the twilight saga itself! (And I LOVE twilight) you are an excellent author and I have to thank you for actually using good grammar and spelling because I hate it when someone writes like its a bad text message. but you. You are incredible!
4/18 c43 5sarah999
I love this story. It's so well written and...I just love everything about it. Though, I am wondering if Bella will have a close relationship with Carlisle later in the story; I'm kind of a sucker for close father/daughter relationships between them. Anyways, hope you update soon. : )
5sarah999I love this story. It's so well written and...I just love everything about it. Though, I am wondering if Bella will have a close relationship with Carlisle later in the story; I'm kind of a sucker for close father/daughter relationships between them. Anyways, hope you update soon. : )
4/17 c7 Renee Aubin
A wonderful moment, a major shift for each of them, at the same time:
‘Edward looked at her carefully. Her sweet brown eyes were calmly solemn as she watched him, but there was no judgement, no anger, and though she had every right to be terrified of him, she wasn't struggling or running away. On the contrary - she'd actually put her arms around him. Completely voluntarily. What did that mean, for this girl who did not like to be touched? …God, he wanted to kiss her again.’
Oh good for him. "No lies. I'm sick of lying." Better to say nothing. Surely the run to the Cullen house will be an undeniable confirmation that he’s “different”.
A good sign, after he’s promised to keep her safe: ‘"I believe you." There was a hint of something in her voice...was it humor?’
I like that he understands how important this is: ‘The last time she'd entered his house, she'd been unconscious and it hadn't been her choice.’ And ‘he never wanted her to feel trapped with him or his family.’
Lovely that it’s Esme’s gesture of affection to Alice that prompts Bella to go after some of that for herself. Rosalie and Esme are so careful and thoughtful at each tiny step.
Excellent point: ‘It was possible, Bella thought with the small part of her brain still able to function objectively, that the fact that the Cullens were so cold helped control the fear. Their touch didn't feel anything like Charlie's hot, moist hands.’
A wonderful step forward:
‘Bella shrank against the banister, wishing suddenly for some dark, quiet place. And just as that wish manifested itself, another one overrode it.
She wanted Edward. The shock of that realization hit her and she didn't know what to do with it. She'd never wanted another person's presence before…’
Heartwrenching:
"Please don't be sad," Bella said, hearing her own voice small in the big, quiet room. "Please?"
"Oh, honey..." Esme took Bella's hands in her own and squeezed gently. "Why aren't you sad?”
Go, Rose! Bella asks, "Why are you all so upset about this?"
Rose shook her head. "Wrong question, bé bé . The correct question is why everyone else isn't upset."
When Rosalie finally tells Bella her own history, it’s stunning to realize – as I never quite did before – that she is eternally frozen, physically at least, in the hours following that hideous attack. She will never get the merciful distance that comes from growing and changing past that time in her life.
She’s ticking off some of the worst things Charlie has done: ‘“And he took - " Bella choked off the words, not wanting to go there.’ Big mystery here…
Bella can’t fall asleep … ‘a part of her still felt a little lonely without [Edward]. And that was too confusing to dwell on…’ And then at last, he shows up. Bella is amused that ‘he hadn't actually asked if he could enter her real room, in Charlie's house, but he asked here, in his own.’ Chuckle.
I bet this is very true: ‘…she was not used to starting conversations, and she didn't know quite what to say to this beautiful boy…’
Excellent use of this iconic line: "I'm not afraid of you." Even more significant than in canon.
This must be a rare experience for Bella: ‘"And you deserve to keep your secrets," Bella said firmly. She was feeling very satisfied with herself, because it seemed she might actually have won that argument.’
Charming ending: ‘This was a soothing touch. … nothing about it hurt.’ And as she fell asleep she ‘heard, for what she thought might be the first time, the low, sweet sound of his chuckle.’ Aww.
A wonderful moment, a major shift for each of them, at the same time:
‘Edward looked at her carefully. Her sweet brown eyes were calmly solemn as she watched him, but there was no judgement, no anger, and though she had every right to be terrified of him, she wasn't struggling or running away. On the contrary - she'd actually put her arms around him. Completely voluntarily. What did that mean, for this girl who did not like to be touched? …God, he wanted to kiss her again.’
Oh good for him. "No lies. I'm sick of lying." Better to say nothing. Surely the run to the Cullen house will be an undeniable confirmation that he’s “different”.
A good sign, after he’s promised to keep her safe: ‘"I believe you." There was a hint of something in her voice...was it humor?’
I like that he understands how important this is: ‘The last time she'd entered his house, she'd been unconscious and it hadn't been her choice.’ And ‘he never wanted her to feel trapped with him or his family.’
Lovely that it’s Esme’s gesture of affection to Alice that prompts Bella to go after some of that for herself. Rosalie and Esme are so careful and thoughtful at each tiny step.
Excellent point: ‘It was possible, Bella thought with the small part of her brain still able to function objectively, that the fact that the Cullens were so cold helped control the fear. Their touch didn't feel anything like Charlie's hot, moist hands.’
A wonderful step forward:
‘Bella shrank against the banister, wishing suddenly for some dark, quiet place. And just as that wish manifested itself, another one overrode it.
She wanted Edward. The shock of that realization hit her and she didn't know what to do with it. She'd never wanted another person's presence before…’
Heartwrenching:
"Please don't be sad," Bella said, hearing her own voice small in the big, quiet room. "Please?"
"Oh, honey..." Esme took Bella's hands in her own and squeezed gently. "Why aren't you sad?”
Go, Rose! Bella asks, "Why are you all so upset about this?"
Rose shook her head. "Wrong question, bé bé . The correct question is why everyone else isn't upset."
When Rosalie finally tells Bella her own history, it’s stunning to realize – as I never quite did before – that she is eternally frozen, physically at least, in the hours following that hideous attack. She will never get the merciful distance that comes from growing and changing past that time in her life.
She’s ticking off some of the worst things Charlie has done: ‘“And he took - " Bella choked off the words, not wanting to go there.’ Big mystery here…
Bella can’t fall asleep … ‘a part of her still felt a little lonely without [Edward]. And that was too confusing to dwell on…’ And then at last, he shows up. Bella is amused that ‘he hadn't actually asked if he could enter her real room, in Charlie's house, but he asked here, in his own.’ Chuckle.
I bet this is very true: ‘…she was not used to starting conversations, and she didn't know quite what to say to this beautiful boy…’
Excellent use of this iconic line: "I'm not afraid of you." Even more significant than in canon.
This must be a rare experience for Bella: ‘"And you deserve to keep your secrets," Bella said firmly. She was feeling very satisfied with herself, because it seemed she might actually have won that argument.’
Charming ending: ‘This was a soothing touch. … nothing about it hurt.’ And as she fell asleep she ‘heard, for what she thought might be the first time, the low, sweet sound of his chuckle.’ Aww.
4/14 c43 Guest
Wow, j'adore!
Wow, j'adore!
4/14 c42 Guest
Si touchant
Si touchant
4/14 c41 Guest
Magnifique
Magnifique