for CardCaptor Toph1/3/2012 c2 Darknezz
This story sound like it can be a good one, but its to son to say.
This story sound like it can be a good one, but its to son to say.
12/18/2011 c2 nequam-tenshi
A good plot so far. UPDATE!
Is Zuko or another male character of Avatar going to be Toph's version of Syaoron?
A good plot so far. UPDATE!
Is Zuko or another male character of Avatar going to be Toph's version of Syaoron?
11/21/2011 c1 nobody important
this is terribly written i mean for gods sake there's so many errors that even a PRESCHOOLER would notice all of the errors you made.
this is terribly written i mean for gods sake there's so many errors that even a PRESCHOOLER would notice all of the errors you made.
9/24/2010 c1 
4N0L0NG3R1NU53
This story... isn't very good. You left out a lot of punctuation, and that makes it difficult to read, and you don't need to type things completely out. It makes it seem robotic.
You typed:
"I mean really I might have scared you but you did not need to do that" they said.
"I was not scare just caught off guard" the ten year old said quickly.
"I am up here what the matter can not you see me. I mean it should not be that hard to miss me as I am not exactly something you see everyday" the voice told her.
"Well in case YOU can not tell of course I can not see you as how many blind girl have you run into that can actually see with their useless eyes" she counted.
"You are blind then do you want me to get you some help as we seem to be out in the forest somewhere" the voice asked
It should be:
"I mean, really! I might have scared you, but you didn't need to do that." The voice said, a hint of teasing in his voice. Toph wasn't amused.
"I wasn't scared! I was just caught off guard." The ten year old said quickly. Toph heard the voice giggle, and then sigh.
"I'm up here, by the way. What's the matter? Can you not see me? I mean, it shouldn't be that hard to miss me, as I'm not exactly something you'd see everyday." The voice told her. Toph rolled her eyes and tried to look up into the direction of the voice.
"Well, in case YOU can't tell, of course I can't see you. How many blind girls have you ran into that can actually see with their useless eyes?" She retorted, irritated.
"You're blind? Oh, uh, well then, do you want me to get you some help? We're out in the forest somewhere." The voice said, sounding worried.
4N0L0NG3R1NU53This story... isn't very good. You left out a lot of punctuation, and that makes it difficult to read, and you don't need to type things completely out. It makes it seem robotic.
You typed:
"I mean really I might have scared you but you did not need to do that" they said.
"I was not scare just caught off guard" the ten year old said quickly.
"I am up here what the matter can not you see me. I mean it should not be that hard to miss me as I am not exactly something you see everyday" the voice told her.
"Well in case YOU can not tell of course I can not see you as how many blind girl have you run into that can actually see with their useless eyes" she counted.
"You are blind then do you want me to get you some help as we seem to be out in the forest somewhere" the voice asked
It should be:
"I mean, really! I might have scared you, but you didn't need to do that." The voice said, a hint of teasing in his voice. Toph wasn't amused.
"I wasn't scared! I was just caught off guard." The ten year old said quickly. Toph heard the voice giggle, and then sigh.
"I'm up here, by the way. What's the matter? Can you not see me? I mean, it shouldn't be that hard to miss me, as I'm not exactly something you'd see everyday." The voice told her. Toph rolled her eyes and tried to look up into the direction of the voice.
"Well, in case YOU can't tell, of course I can't see you. How many blind girls have you ran into that can actually see with their useless eyes?" She retorted, irritated.
"You're blind? Oh, uh, well then, do you want me to get you some help? We're out in the forest somewhere." The voice said, sounding worried.
8/2/2010 c1 11Celestia's Paladin
Ok so Toph the Card Captor, ok never excepted that, but what the hell with all the twist and turns done to the CLAMP universe due to Tsubasa and xxxHolic it could happen. ~GraysonPaladin
11Celestia's PaladinOk so Toph the Card Captor, ok never excepted that, but what the hell with all the twist and turns done to the CLAMP universe due to Tsubasa and xxxHolic it could happen. ~GraysonPaladin