for Shadowshield7/17/2012 c21 King Of Hearts
You said you needed feedback so here it is: I am enthralled by this story. The entire concept you present about the endhi is a topic which I nor probably anyone else had ever even considered. Once you finish this story, I shall expect another one that I can wait faithfully for updates every week. Your style of writing and finesse rivals that of any writer who makes millions off of his or her books which are published. You have earned 1 cookie for every chapter, but if you stop writing, all earned cookies shall be revoked!
You said you needed feedback so here it is: I am enthralled by this story. The entire concept you present about the endhi is a topic which I nor probably anyone else had ever even considered. Once you finish this story, I shall expect another one that I can wait faithfully for updates every week. Your style of writing and finesse rivals that of any writer who makes millions off of his or her books which are published. You have earned 1 cookie for every chapter, but if you stop writing, all earned cookies shall be revoked!
7/12/2012 c21 Jionatsu
I've read your whole fic for the past 3 days and i must say that i liked it a lot.
The main things i liked about it were:
1 - the pacing of character dev't
2 - jalyra's very human-like nature (well, of course your main character has to be relatable... Else find a way to bring out an strange but endearing character by means of unusual circumstances)
3 - balance of bitter (memories of ranken and the nightsaber's death) and semi-/weet (jalyra-tariq conversation) in the story
Little mistypes here and there, but it's fine overall.
I do find a bit of oddity in jalyra being a 'logical' person and the amount of emphasis on her bad romance with ranken. But i suppose that's just me projecting what i know of 'logical' people on her persona. But i think more reinforcement of her logical side on emotionally charged situations would be helpful if you really wanted her to come across as 'logical' rather than the haunted girl she seems to be whenever ranken surfaces in her mind.
Keep up the awesome fic!
I've read your whole fic for the past 3 days and i must say that i liked it a lot.
The main things i liked about it were:
1 - the pacing of character dev't
2 - jalyra's very human-like nature (well, of course your main character has to be relatable... Else find a way to bring out an strange but endearing character by means of unusual circumstances)
3 - balance of bitter (memories of ranken and the nightsaber's death) and semi-/weet (jalyra-tariq conversation) in the story
Little mistypes here and there, but it's fine overall.
I do find a bit of oddity in jalyra being a 'logical' person and the amount of emphasis on her bad romance with ranken. But i suppose that's just me projecting what i know of 'logical' people on her persona. But i think more reinforcement of her logical side on emotionally charged situations would be helpful if you really wanted her to come across as 'logical' rather than the haunted girl she seems to be whenever ranken surfaces in her mind.
Keep up the awesome fic!
4/2/2012 c14 King of Hearts
This story has got to be one of the best I have read in years. The story is enthralling, and the way the characters interact is done masterfully. The whole endhi idea is great, and makes me wonder how it would actually be in such a situation, but I think the story covers the emotions and thoughts in a realistic manner. Please keep this story going, I wanna see the end!
This story has got to be one of the best I have read in years. The story is enthralling, and the way the characters interact is done masterfully. The whole endhi idea is great, and makes me wonder how it would actually be in such a situation, but I think the story covers the emotions and thoughts in a realistic manner. Please keep this story going, I wanna see the end!
11/22/2010 c6 
5ShatteredTwilight
I have to say your twist on this world is very interesting! I can't wait to read more!
5ShatteredTwilightI have to say your twist on this world is very interesting! I can't wait to read more!
9/8/2010 c4 pointedstyle
This is getting better with every chapter. I'm definitely intrigued. Looking forward to learning more of this world. Thanks :)
This is getting better with every chapter. I'm definitely intrigued. Looking forward to learning more of this world. Thanks :)
8/31/2010 c2 Jack in the Shadows
I like what you have done with the world and the incorporation of guild life. Will there be a chapter 3?
I like what you have done with the world and the incorporation of guild life. Will there be a chapter 3?
8/20/2010 c2 pointedstyle
Good chapter. I am puzzled by exactly what is happening in this world you are creating. It's Azeroth, yet not. Horde and Alliance but not exactly. Toss in the Endhi, who are what? Players caught up in this alternate world? How? Why? I'm waiting patiently for more. Thank you.
Good chapter. I am puzzled by exactly what is happening in this world you are creating. It's Azeroth, yet not. Horde and Alliance but not exactly. Toss in the Endhi, who are what? Players caught up in this alternate world? How? Why? I'm waiting patiently for more. Thank you.
8/19/2010 c1 pointedstyle
An interesting story. I'm intrigued by the "player" and the "It's not like the game, is it?" references and I am looking forward to seeing where you are going with this. So far, I'm hooked.
An interesting story. I'm intrigued by the "player" and the "It's not like the game, is it?" references and I am looking forward to seeing where you are going with this. So far, I'm hooked.