for One Look3/30 c2 randomsonicfreak
Well, I didn't see anythin wrong with this story to be quite honest. You've managed to capture sonic's personality just right. :) Also, this Tyla girl, I can't wait to find out more of her backstory. Will we be reading a little info on sonic's too? I think that would be cool! Keep up the good work. I hope to see an update soon :D
Well, I didn't see anythin wrong with this story to be quite honest. You've managed to capture sonic's personality just right. :) Also, this Tyla girl, I can't wait to find out more of her backstory. Will we be reading a little info on sonic's too? I think that would be cool! Keep up the good work. I hope to see an update soon :D
3/30 c2 Rissa Prower
A more opinionated review, eh? Challenge accepted! This story is freakin' awesome because of the way it's so balanced between Tyla's inner battle and Sonic's constant self encouraging. And I absolutely love the way he's always nice to her, no matter how much of a jack $$ she's been. AND I LOVED that quote Sonic said: life is not about waiting out the storms. It's about learning to dance in the rain. I'm going to live by that. So uplifting! No wonder Sonic is always happy! Relish in your trials. Life is short, and we must live it to it's fullest (even if we are doing to be executed at dawn). This story is amazing, as always. I can't wait forthe update! *runs away to find poll*
Sending mah weirdness and a squiggly,
Rissa**
A more opinionated review, eh? Challenge accepted! This story is freakin' awesome because of the way it's so balanced between Tyla's inner battle and Sonic's constant self encouraging. And I absolutely love the way he's always nice to her, no matter how much of a jack $$ she's been. AND I LOVED that quote Sonic said: life is not about waiting out the storms. It's about learning to dance in the rain. I'm going to live by that. So uplifting! No wonder Sonic is always happy! Relish in your trials. Life is short, and we must live it to it's fullest (even if we are doing to be executed at dawn). This story is amazing, as always. I can't wait forthe update! *runs away to find poll*
Sending mah weirdness and a squiggly,
Rissa**
12/23/2012 c2 New fan
I love it! The story was very captivating for me when sonic had the quote from an "old friend" Hmmm, Tyla seems like a complicated character. Post a new chapter soon pleez!
I love it! The story was very captivating for me when sonic had the quote from an "old friend" Hmmm, Tyla seems like a complicated character. Post a new chapter soon pleez!
11/4/2012 c2 
6gameloverx
Alrighty. Here we go:
Since i really really really want u to update, I'm going to do one of my loooooong reviews, kay? I know, it's kind of annoying when all you get as "good job!" or "that was great!".
The story:
On a scale from 1 to 10 for originality i would give it a 7. I admit, I've heard ALOT of stories where Sonic gets trapped somewhere and is about to die. I've also heard of ALOT of stories where an OC is supposed to be evil, but turns good and stuff. But alot of those two put together? Not really. Plus, the mood and tone the story is being told gives it a sort of new flavor. Plus, the scene where Tails is is so touching! I'm wondering, is this story long of short.
The characters:
The character i was most concerned was Tyla. Most of the time OCs don't work of in stories. Why? They tend to hog the spotlight. Tyla, on the other hand, was a little bit too broad, but that did not ruin the fact that she is a wonderful emotionally-complex character, sort reminding me of my own.
Another character i was worried about was, of course, sonic. But surprisingly, you kept him very in character. The hardest part probably was his POV, but you did that beautifully. The thing about sonic, is that he has two sides of him. One: a daredevil, cocky, carefree, etc...The other: a concerned, kind, understanding one. You showed more of his second side, but you shouldn't forget his joking side, too. It's kind of strange, like he has two different personalities or something...great, getting another plot bunny. Those things keep driving me crazy. Anyways,,,
The Writing: in just plain writing, there are four sectors: low, medium, exceeding, and high. You, my friemd, fall into the "exceeding" category. That means that all of your descriptions are vivid, detailed, your grammar is good, and the story is enjoyable. You do well in 1st person POVs, and get all of the character's emotions right. You did not yet reach the high level, but you will! I enjoyed reading this story very much" the only thing is that it's short, but that's just me being picky.
Over all:
The story: 7/10
The characters: 9/10
The writing: 8/10
Average: 8/10
Great story! Uuuuupdaaaate! UPDATE!
6gameloverxAlrighty. Here we go:
Since i really really really want u to update, I'm going to do one of my loooooong reviews, kay? I know, it's kind of annoying when all you get as "good job!" or "that was great!".
The story:
On a scale from 1 to 10 for originality i would give it a 7. I admit, I've heard ALOT of stories where Sonic gets trapped somewhere and is about to die. I've also heard of ALOT of stories where an OC is supposed to be evil, but turns good and stuff. But alot of those two put together? Not really. Plus, the mood and tone the story is being told gives it a sort of new flavor. Plus, the scene where Tails is is so touching! I'm wondering, is this story long of short.
The characters:
The character i was most concerned was Tyla. Most of the time OCs don't work of in stories. Why? They tend to hog the spotlight. Tyla, on the other hand, was a little bit too broad, but that did not ruin the fact that she is a wonderful emotionally-complex character, sort reminding me of my own.
Another character i was worried about was, of course, sonic. But surprisingly, you kept him very in character. The hardest part probably was his POV, but you did that beautifully. The thing about sonic, is that he has two sides of him. One: a daredevil, cocky, carefree, etc...The other: a concerned, kind, understanding one. You showed more of his second side, but you shouldn't forget his joking side, too. It's kind of strange, like he has two different personalities or something...great, getting another plot bunny. Those things keep driving me crazy. Anyways,,,
The Writing: in just plain writing, there are four sectors: low, medium, exceeding, and high. You, my friemd, fall into the "exceeding" category. That means that all of your descriptions are vivid, detailed, your grammar is good, and the story is enjoyable. You do well in 1st person POVs, and get all of the character's emotions right. You did not yet reach the high level, but you will! I enjoyed reading this story very much" the only thing is that it's short, but that's just me being picky.
Over all:
The story: 7/10
The characters: 9/10
The writing: 8/10
Average: 8/10
Great story! Uuuuupdaaaate! UPDATE!
6/29/2012 c2 19DC111
Ahh, I must admit I didn't notice there was a second chapter at first, or that this was being continued. Pardon me if I made any assumptions before that would be proven wrong later.
Speaking of which, the way you wrote this makes more sense now. It throws ya off a bit at first, when you're reading and wondering "Who the heck IS this girl..?" but now reading this chapter, the fact that we DON'T know much about Tyla is alluring, because her attitude and Sonic's interactions with her make one want to know more.
'For a long time, she didn't answer him, her eyes drinking him in. His fur: caked with blood and littered with scars. His posture: confident with a quite, unspoken pride. His attitude: rebellious, carefree, reckless, never completely surrendering. His eyes: twin pools of empathy, of wisdom, of experience. She hated those eyes. They made her feel safe. Weak. Vulnerable. Secure.'
Really liked reading that part. And for that matter, ALL your descriptions of Sonic's expression, Sonic's emotions, Sonic's this, Sonic's that. :) The entire last part, with Tyla arguing with herself (as well as Sonic) was great. I thought for a second that Tyla had really just abruptly left. I'm happy that they're going to try to leave together.
This story's got a lot of character and introspection, you know. I hope you update it again.
DC
19DC111Ahh, I must admit I didn't notice there was a second chapter at first, or that this was being continued. Pardon me if I made any assumptions before that would be proven wrong later.
Speaking of which, the way you wrote this makes more sense now. It throws ya off a bit at first, when you're reading and wondering "Who the heck IS this girl..?" but now reading this chapter, the fact that we DON'T know much about Tyla is alluring, because her attitude and Sonic's interactions with her make one want to know more.
'For a long time, she didn't answer him, her eyes drinking him in. His fur: caked with blood and littered with scars. His posture: confident with a quite, unspoken pride. His attitude: rebellious, carefree, reckless, never completely surrendering. His eyes: twin pools of empathy, of wisdom, of experience. She hated those eyes. They made her feel safe. Weak. Vulnerable. Secure.'
Really liked reading that part. And for that matter, ALL your descriptions of Sonic's expression, Sonic's emotions, Sonic's this, Sonic's that. :) The entire last part, with Tyla arguing with herself (as well as Sonic) was great. I thought for a second that Tyla had really just abruptly left. I'm happy that they're going to try to leave together.
This story's got a lot of character and introspection, you know. I hope you update it again.
DC
6/29/2012 c1 DC111
'He squinted in the sudden light, blinking rapidly. When his eyes fell upon her he smiled warmly, emerald eyes twinkling. "Hello," he greeted her pleasantly. She gave him a glare fierce enough to scare Goliath. If he noticed it, he didn't give any indication. Once again, she found herself furious. This was all his fault. She bared her teeth and let out a low, menacing growl. "Well, nice to see you too," he joked. She sneered.'
It was at this point, when I realized I really, REALLY like the way you write Sonic. ;) The gruesome description of his situation beforehand only further highlights his awesome character, and the rest of this story builds wonderfully on that. It's almost kind of beautiful, in a way, how Sonic's calm and compassionate demeanor despite his situation is what breaks down her defenses. Though - and I'm probably being impatient here - I do wish the context of all this was elaborated upon a little more. I know it's a short story and it is nice that it started already in the midst of its own point, but at the same time I have a curiosity as to just how things got to where they are, how Sonic wound up here to begin with. That's more a personal curiosity than an actual complaint though, since many stories are deliberately like this in favor of capturing the meat of the matter.
Your description of Sonic - quills, body, eyes - really brings him to life. Not hard at all to picture exactly what he looks like here and the expressions on his face.
Nice job, again. :)
DC
'He squinted in the sudden light, blinking rapidly. When his eyes fell upon her he smiled warmly, emerald eyes twinkling. "Hello," he greeted her pleasantly. She gave him a glare fierce enough to scare Goliath. If he noticed it, he didn't give any indication. Once again, she found herself furious. This was all his fault. She bared her teeth and let out a low, menacing growl. "Well, nice to see you too," he joked. She sneered.'
It was at this point, when I realized I really, REALLY like the way you write Sonic. ;) The gruesome description of his situation beforehand only further highlights his awesome character, and the rest of this story builds wonderfully on that. It's almost kind of beautiful, in a way, how Sonic's calm and compassionate demeanor despite his situation is what breaks down her defenses. Though - and I'm probably being impatient here - I do wish the context of all this was elaborated upon a little more. I know it's a short story and it is nice that it started already in the midst of its own point, but at the same time I have a curiosity as to just how things got to where they are, how Sonic wound up here to begin with. That's more a personal curiosity than an actual complaint though, since many stories are deliberately like this in favor of capturing the meat of the matter.
Your description of Sonic - quills, body, eyes - really brings him to life. Not hard at all to picture exactly what he looks like here and the expressions on his face.
Nice job, again. :)
DC
6/18/2012 c2 2CarnationPrincess
Yay! Taking prisoners with you! That must have broken so many rules... I like the darkness and depression of this story.
2CarnationPrincessYay! Taking prisoners with you! That must have broken so many rules... I like the darkness and depression of this story.
6/18/2012 c1 CarnationPrincess
I want to guess.
This 'girl' named 'Tyla' could possibly be...
AMY?
Yes? No? Okay. This is good please make more!
I want to guess.
This 'girl' named 'Tyla' could possibly be...
AMY?
Yes? No? Okay. This is good please make more!
1/25/2012 c2 2Zozeebobs
Okay I'll give you a proper review...
Good things...
The attention to detail is great and I can see this in my mind so clearly. Sonic's personality is spot on and I love the bit where you have the memory of him and Tails - it adds a certain charm and emotion to the story/characters which is always good to have. The imagery in this fan fic is simply outstanding. You are very talented and this story is amazing - I'm really enjoying it! (sorry just had to say it!) :)
Improvements...
The only things I'd say is to develop Tyla and her relationship with Sonic slowly, no need to rush anything. I liked the idea of the POV of Sonic, maybe add another one in there somewhere? Another thing would be to not have too much time pass between events because then the reader slightly loses touch with the story as gaps can sometimes be created. Also like you did with Sonic, keep up the description of quills and pelts to remind the reader every so often that Tyla is a hedgehog becuase sometimes it's so easy to forget she's not human - maybe add these in when there's a Sonic POV? My other advice, just enjoy writing it! :D
~ Zozeebobs
2ZozeebobsOkay I'll give you a proper review...
Good things...
The attention to detail is great and I can see this in my mind so clearly. Sonic's personality is spot on and I love the bit where you have the memory of him and Tails - it adds a certain charm and emotion to the story/characters which is always good to have. The imagery in this fan fic is simply outstanding. You are very talented and this story is amazing - I'm really enjoying it! (sorry just had to say it!) :)
Improvements...
The only things I'd say is to develop Tyla and her relationship with Sonic slowly, no need to rush anything. I liked the idea of the POV of Sonic, maybe add another one in there somewhere? Another thing would be to not have too much time pass between events because then the reader slightly loses touch with the story as gaps can sometimes be created. Also like you did with Sonic, keep up the description of quills and pelts to remind the reader every so often that Tyla is a hedgehog becuase sometimes it's so easy to forget she's not human - maybe add these in when there's a Sonic POV? My other advice, just enjoy writing it! :D
~ Zozeebobs
1/25/2012 c1 Zozeebobs
Love it! :D So well written, I love the characters and plot. Freaking awesome opening and well, it looks like you have to update now! Mwahahahaha - huh? what? you know because I'm the 10th person to review-nevermind.
Love it! :D So well written, I love the characters and plot. Freaking awesome opening and well, it looks like you have to update now! Mwahahahaha - huh? what? you know because I'm the 10th person to review-nevermind.
1/8/2012 c2 4FireWolfHeart
Wow. Good opening, character portraying, and the OC is really intriging. The only thing I found confusing is how SONIC of all peope was captured in the first place. O.o
4FireWolfHeartWow. Good opening, character portraying, and the OC is really intriging. The only thing I found confusing is how SONIC of all peope was captured in the first place. O.o