for Lost and Found8/9/2012 c2 
5MiizBHavvin
While I think your writing style is well done, and I appreciate the length of chapters something is a miss. Having played all 3 games since their release I simply can not connect with your Shepard. No offense but she seems a little juvenile, and wretched. Ps, only time I ever killed Samara was on a deliberate fail run. Also Kasumi seems way out of character. I love AU but this whole thing just is off to me. Perhaps you need to elaborate on why Shepard is such a douche in this story a little more.
Again this isn't a flaming, just my thoughts.
5MiizBHavvinWhile I think your writing style is well done, and I appreciate the length of chapters something is a miss. Having played all 3 games since their release I simply can not connect with your Shepard. No offense but she seems a little juvenile, and wretched. Ps, only time I ever killed Samara was on a deliberate fail run. Also Kasumi seems way out of character. I love AU but this whole thing just is off to me. Perhaps you need to elaborate on why Shepard is such a douche in this story a little more.
Again this isn't a flaming, just my thoughts.
1/26/2012 c2 Prometheus-42
I just found this story while looking for another of similar name. I was a bit thrown off by the interactions with Kasumi, especially the bag from Ilium, which I can't tell if it's Kasumi's bag of loot, or a bag left behind by Liara, initially it seemed the former, but then there were indications of the latter.
The idea of Earth completely burying this history is quite outrageous given that humanity had been on the ropes. Also I don't understand how the Shadow Broker was able to download the data on the war, but not on plasma weaponry. Also the idea that a simple anti-AI omnitool routine could take out Cameron is a bit strange. She'd be using an utterly alien OS, and thereby their programs would be unable to interact with her systems entirely, though in turn she'd not be able to interface either without learning a bit.
In spite of the flaws this is an interesting idea, and it's too bad you didn't continue it. The interaction with Kasumi was, while strange, very amusing.
I just found this story while looking for another of similar name. I was a bit thrown off by the interactions with Kasumi, especially the bag from Ilium, which I can't tell if it's Kasumi's bag of loot, or a bag left behind by Liara, initially it seemed the former, but then there were indications of the latter.
The idea of Earth completely burying this history is quite outrageous given that humanity had been on the ropes. Also I don't understand how the Shadow Broker was able to download the data on the war, but not on plasma weaponry. Also the idea that a simple anti-AI omnitool routine could take out Cameron is a bit strange. She'd be using an utterly alien OS, and thereby their programs would be unable to interact with her systems entirely, though in turn she'd not be able to interface either without learning a bit.
In spite of the flaws this is an interesting idea, and it's too bad you didn't continue it. The interaction with Kasumi was, while strange, very amusing.
11/9/2010 c2 40demonicnargles
Sounds interesting. I like it so far, so I'll be watching for more.
-demonicnargles
40demonicnarglesSounds interesting. I like it so far, so I'll be watching for more.
-demonicnargles
10/9/2010 c2 Griffon2745
Excellent job with the characters-sounds like Cameron is in need of a bit of a refit after what shadow 2 did to her-can't wait to see how Tali, Legion, and EDI react to her.
Excellent job with the characters-sounds like Cameron is in need of a bit of a refit after what shadow 2 did to her-can't wait to see how Tali, Legion, and EDI react to her.
10/8/2010 c2 Inverness
Oh, this is certainly not what I expected when I found this story. But considering how awesome Cameron is, this is a very pleasant surprise.
Though I'm wondering why this isn't in the crossover section.
Oh, this is certainly not what I expected when I found this story. But considering how awesome Cameron is, this is a very pleasant surprise.
Though I'm wondering why this isn't in the crossover section.
10/7/2010 c2 Thomas
Interesting story so far, I look foreward to see where you will take it.
Interesting story so far, I look foreward to see where you will take it.
9/29/2010 c1 DeletedxxAccount
There are some definitive positives to this story, thus far. I like the concept of Kasumi and Shepard being sisters (though it could have been introduced better/in a less jarring manner), Shepard not buying into Liara's desire to "fix" their relationship (which I DID always feel was just a bit... convenient), EDI showing signs of a real personality (although, again... the concept could be handled with more grace than just "EDI looks like Liara now to blackmail Shep"), etc.
However, to be honest; your characterization of Shepard just makes me feel uneasy. Renegade actions in the game have always still been portrayed as heroic and sensible, just ruthless. Your Shepard sort of seems... well, pissy. For example, why would she pick the asari vampire over the justicar sworn to her? Even for Renegade Shepard, this doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Did she just like the cold-blooded-murderer's personality better than the being devoted to justice for the galaxy's most deserving?
Also, what in the world is the timeline for this story? You said that Thane died from Kepral's shortly after Zaeed left, but this is supposed to have happened right after LotSB... which is supposed to have happened anywhere from right after Horizon to just after the Collector Base got asploded/handed over to Cerberus. Thane said in-game that it was going to take his Kepral's 8-12 months to render him completely incapable of work, with death coming sometime after that. Zaeed committing suicide is just... nonsensical. He's had survival at the forefront of his mind since he was 18. Assuming he doesn't want to retire-retire, why wouldn't he just keep helping Shepard? Hell, if he only signed up for the money, why would he kill himself after collecting his paycheck?
There are some definitive positives to this story, thus far. I like the concept of Kasumi and Shepard being sisters (though it could have been introduced better/in a less jarring manner), Shepard not buying into Liara's desire to "fix" their relationship (which I DID always feel was just a bit... convenient), EDI showing signs of a real personality (although, again... the concept could be handled with more grace than just "EDI looks like Liara now to blackmail Shep"), etc.
However, to be honest; your characterization of Shepard just makes me feel uneasy. Renegade actions in the game have always still been portrayed as heroic and sensible, just ruthless. Your Shepard sort of seems... well, pissy. For example, why would she pick the asari vampire over the justicar sworn to her? Even for Renegade Shepard, this doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Did she just like the cold-blooded-murderer's personality better than the being devoted to justice for the galaxy's most deserving?
Also, what in the world is the timeline for this story? You said that Thane died from Kepral's shortly after Zaeed left, but this is supposed to have happened right after LotSB... which is supposed to have happened anywhere from right after Horizon to just after the Collector Base got asploded/handed over to Cerberus. Thane said in-game that it was going to take his Kepral's 8-12 months to render him completely incapable of work, with death coming sometime after that. Zaeed committing suicide is just... nonsensical. He's had survival at the forefront of his mind since he was 18. Assuming he doesn't want to retire-retire, why wouldn't he just keep helping Shepard? Hell, if he only signed up for the money, why would he kill himself after collecting his paycheck?