5/6/2011 c1 2june445
You should continue this story I know you should.It's fantastic.

10/9/2010 c1 Q
Just a tip- try not to put the spoiler in the description.

10/8/2010 c1 TryingToBeFriendly
I really like this, you're a pretty good writer, not the best mind you, but neither am I. Try to do more 'showing' rather than just telling. You did a bit of showing (you know, describing the place, people, sounds, sights, smells etc. in lots and lots of detail) but I think if you did more it get even better. I mean no insult, you're good, but if you add as much detail as you can without over doing it, that might catch the eye more. Also, when typing summeries for stories, try not to make it sound so... Uh, I don't really know how to word it... You say the word 'like' a lot and your words are either really big in cap. letters or stretched out which makes you look like you don't know how to write proper English, and people might not want to read because of that.

Again, I mean no insult, just input, feel free to ignore me.

Please continue writing!

- BreeilnaBane The Apprentice

(if you want to reply use my fanfic account, BreeilnaBane The Apprentice, I was to lazy to log in and review.)