for Three Guys2/6/2011 c3 YunaX2D
It's so hard to find a seto and serenity fan fiction let alone a awesome one. I hope youo continue to update. You are a great writer!
It's so hard to find a seto and serenity fan fiction let alone a awesome one. I hope youo continue to update. You are a great writer!
2/2/2011 c3 
24FireEdge
Oh man, it took me so long to get around to reviewing this, sorry! Anyway, I thought that the first part with the visit to Kaiba's office was nicely written. You had a good mix of description, dialogue and thoughts. Haha, I loved the part with Serenity being weirded out by Kaiba.
The part was Tristan was okay. The scene wasn't very long, so I don't have much to say on it. I think he might've been a little too aggressive on the subject of the movie, I think he'd be more apathetic about it all rather than not liking the movie.
Also, there were quite a few spelling mistakes this chapter. Make sure to give yourself some time to reread it before posting. Don't worry about posting something as fast as possible, take the time to make it as good as you can right? Anyway, will be looking forward to the next chapter!
24FireEdgeOh man, it took me so long to get around to reviewing this, sorry! Anyway, I thought that the first part with the visit to Kaiba's office was nicely written. You had a good mix of description, dialogue and thoughts. Haha, I loved the part with Serenity being weirded out by Kaiba.
The part was Tristan was okay. The scene wasn't very long, so I don't have much to say on it. I think he might've been a little too aggressive on the subject of the movie, I think he'd be more apathetic about it all rather than not liking the movie.
Also, there were quite a few spelling mistakes this chapter. Make sure to give yourself some time to reread it before posting. Don't worry about posting something as fast as possible, take the time to make it as good as you can right? Anyway, will be looking forward to the next chapter!
1/21/2011 c3 11jeniashi
Jeni-Ooh this was like my favorite chapter ^-^ But becareful becasue there were a few spelling errors in it. Spellcheck or beta ^^
11jeniashiJeni-Ooh this was like my favorite chapter ^-^ But becareful becasue there were a few spelling errors in it. Spellcheck or beta ^^
1/13/2011 c2 1RuberDuckling
I love the summary and the title; its soo true! :) I love the fic so far, keep going with it!
1RuberDucklingI love the summary and the title; its soo true! :) I love the fic so far, keep going with it!
12/27/2010 c2 24FireEdge
Awww man, you time jumped! I kinda wanted to see more of the interaction between Kaiba and Serenity (especially the awkwardness of the first week), but I suppose it would've felt a bit slow, too. Oh well, can't have everything XD.
Anyway, very cute chapter! I can't believe you already pulled that thing with Kaiba giving her mom the day off, totally didn't realize it was Christmas (in the story, LOL) already. But Serenity TOTALLY gave herself away with that message when she mentions Kaiba's name. And I loved that present she gave him. Very thoughtful (and full of subliminal messages, haha).
Also, Serenity's thoughts on Seth are very cute. Just like a school-girl crush, but it's nice. Also liked how you determined the mentors (that makes a lot of sense, though I kinda wonder why Kaiba would do it if it was voluntary, haha... And it makes it less obvious who's who).
I am very, very excited for this visit to KaibaCorp (ohoho, won't Kaiba-boy be surprised?). Looking forward to it!
P.S. Haha, I see your originality for coming up with names for school is the same as mine. Hi-five for laziness.
24FireEdgeAwww man, you time jumped! I kinda wanted to see more of the interaction between Kaiba and Serenity (especially the awkwardness of the first week), but I suppose it would've felt a bit slow, too. Oh well, can't have everything XD.
Anyway, very cute chapter! I can't believe you already pulled that thing with Kaiba giving her mom the day off, totally didn't realize it was Christmas (in the story, LOL) already. But Serenity TOTALLY gave herself away with that message when she mentions Kaiba's name. And I loved that present she gave him. Very thoughtful (and full of subliminal messages, haha).
Also, Serenity's thoughts on Seth are very cute. Just like a school-girl crush, but it's nice. Also liked how you determined the mentors (that makes a lot of sense, though I kinda wonder why Kaiba would do it if it was voluntary, haha... And it makes it less obvious who's who).
I am very, very excited for this visit to KaibaCorp (ohoho, won't Kaiba-boy be surprised?). Looking forward to it!
P.S. Haha, I see your originality for coming up with names for school is the same as mine. Hi-five for laziness.
12/27/2010 c2 112Usio-Amamiya
i love it, the chapters is great and the present...so cute
I wanna next chapter soon
112Usio-Amamiyai love it, the chapters is great and the present...so cute
I wanna next chapter soon
12/27/2010 c2 11jeniashi
Nicely done^^ I was begining to worry you would'nt update. I loved the fact that Serenity drew a picture for seth. Oh and the begining was awesome. Card games on motorcycles are ridiculus ;)
11jeniashiNicely done^^ I was begining to worry you would'nt update. I loved the fact that Serenity drew a picture for seth. Oh and the begining was awesome. Card games on motorcycles are ridiculus ;)
12/19/2010 c1 Starstrider13
Wow! I can't wait for more! You have a excellent writing style, I envy you. Keep going strong!
Wow! I can't wait for more! You have a excellent writing style, I envy you. Keep going strong!
12/11/2010 c1 1Clana621
I like your fic so far! I read coffee girl too great fic!
I cant wait to see what happens next!
update soon!
~Hera
1Clana621I like your fic so far! I read coffee girl too great fic!
I cant wait to see what happens next!
update soon!
~Hera
11/14/2010 c1 2ladyruby1897
OMG. i ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. YOU'RE MAKING ME RECONSIDER FINISHING MY FANFIC. HEY I'VE GOT IT. IF YOU DON'T MIND. COULD YOU TAKE A LOOK AT MY STORY IT'S CALLED PARENT TRAP YUGIOH VERSION. I KNOW IN LIKE THE FIRST THREE CHAPTERS THE GRAMMARS GOING TO BE KINDA CRAPPY BUT COME ON I HAD JUST STARTED. ANYWAY CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO UPDATE
2ladyruby1897OMG. i ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. YOU'RE MAKING ME RECONSIDER FINISHING MY FANFIC. HEY I'VE GOT IT. IF YOU DON'T MIND. COULD YOU TAKE A LOOK AT MY STORY IT'S CALLED PARENT TRAP YUGIOH VERSION. I KNOW IN LIKE THE FIRST THREE CHAPTERS THE GRAMMARS GOING TO BE KINDA CRAPPY BUT COME ON I HAD JUST STARTED. ANYWAY CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO UPDATE
11/14/2010 c1 11jeniashi
ooooooh this is really good^^ nicely done. I lked this side of Kaiba- I mean Seth. I hope you update soon because his is such a wonderful story. HMmm now I wonder what will happen when Serenity finds out who Seth actualy is...? CLIFFHANGER^^
11jeniashiooooooh this is really good^^ nicely done. I lked this side of Kaiba- I mean Seth. I hope you update soon because his is such a wonderful story. HMmm now I wonder what will happen when Serenity finds out who Seth actualy is...? CLIFFHANGER^^
11/11/2010 c1 24FireEdge
Heey! So happy to see that you finally put this up! And I like the improvements! Especially in regards to Serenity's mom. I love that you connected her with KaibaCorp and thus gave Serenity a reason to dislike Kaiba (because, really, "I don't like him because Joey doesn't like him" is a rather weak reason anyway). This has got me so pumped!
Anyway, the one thing I recommend to you is to watch out for your paragraphs. At the moment, many of them are much to long. For example, the first one should be broken at "She stopped drawing..." and again at "With a small sigh..." and maybe even again at "She took a quick glance...". I know it may seem like the paragraphs would be TOO short, but that's the one major different between fanfiction and writing an actual novel/story. Fanfiction paragraphs are usually much, much, much shorter. This is partially because the formatting of the sight makes long chunks of text SUPER HARD to read and it just looks really ugly XD. Other than a few missing punctuations and one or two typos, there wasn't really anything big.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that FF takes out any "websites" and "emails" that are typed in the story to avoid spamming/advertising. So you'll have to cheat when you write it and put a space in the email address. Like:"Blue_eyes @ dominonet. com" I'm not sure about that last space, you'll have to experiment. Just reupload until you find a format that works.
Anyway, can't wait for what you've got planned next. And thanks for the dedication! Made me all smiley when I read it =).
24FireEdgeHeey! So happy to see that you finally put this up! And I like the improvements! Especially in regards to Serenity's mom. I love that you connected her with KaibaCorp and thus gave Serenity a reason to dislike Kaiba (because, really, "I don't like him because Joey doesn't like him" is a rather weak reason anyway). This has got me so pumped!
Anyway, the one thing I recommend to you is to watch out for your paragraphs. At the moment, many of them are much to long. For example, the first one should be broken at "She stopped drawing..." and again at "With a small sigh..." and maybe even again at "She took a quick glance...". I know it may seem like the paragraphs would be TOO short, but that's the one major different between fanfiction and writing an actual novel/story. Fanfiction paragraphs are usually much, much, much shorter. This is partially because the formatting of the sight makes long chunks of text SUPER HARD to read and it just looks really ugly XD. Other than a few missing punctuations and one or two typos, there wasn't really anything big.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that FF takes out any "websites" and "emails" that are typed in the story to avoid spamming/advertising. So you'll have to cheat when you write it and put a space in the email address. Like:"Blue_eyes @ dominonet. com" I'm not sure about that last space, you'll have to experiment. Just reupload until you find a format that works.
Anyway, can't wait for what you've got planned next. And thanks for the dedication! Made me all smiley when I read it =).