for Far Beyond Driven8/6/2011 c1 honestly
it was to unbelievable for my liking. you obviously know about sex so detail it more! and make it more believable (: maybe not on a stage in front of a crowd because that wouldn't happen. sorry just telling the truth because i can tell that you could make a better story then that (:
it was to unbelievable for my liking. you obviously know about sex so detail it more! and make it more believable (: maybe not on a stage in front of a crowd because that wouldn't happen. sorry just telling the truth because i can tell that you could make a better story then that (:
12/19/2010 c1 
1calynbug12111
Its funny because I just watched this episode today lol
That was hottt keep writing!
Beck would cheer if you know what I mean ;) I would cheer too :D
1calynbug12111Its funny because I just watched this episode today lol
That was hottt keep writing!
Beck would cheer if you know what I mean ;) I would cheer too :D
12/6/2010 c1 24K9GM3
...Well, you seem to understand the basic mechanics of sex and you know how to write in English. That's good.
However, you don't quite succeed in making the story sexy, believable or entertaining. It was paced too fast, the narrative wasn't erotic in the slightest and you're asking the reader to suspend way too much disbelief.
24K9GM3...Well, you seem to understand the basic mechanics of sex and you know how to write in English. That's good.
However, you don't quite succeed in making the story sexy, believable or entertaining. It was paced too fast, the narrative wasn't erotic in the slightest and you're asking the reader to suspend way too much disbelief.