for Kingdom Hearts: Invasion12/20/2010 c2 
57Iseria Dweller
Things do look like they're heating up in here and it sounds good!
The spacing does need work though.
For example, you've written - "To test you. Had you failed, I would have called off the Heartless." He suddenly looked sad. "I'm not a monster, you know… as for why I did it, I could sense power within you… You might be the one I'm looking for." "For what?" His eyes suddenly burned with hatred. -
I would've spaced it apart for easier reading like this -
"To test you. Had you failed, I would have called off the Heartless." He suddenly looked sad. "I'm not a monster, you know… as for why I did it, I could sense power within you… You might be the one I'm looking for."
"For what?" His eyes suddenly burned with hatred.
- It prevents confusion at the very least! ^^
57Iseria DwellerThings do look like they're heating up in here and it sounds good!
The spacing does need work though.
For example, you've written - "To test you. Had you failed, I would have called off the Heartless." He suddenly looked sad. "I'm not a monster, you know… as for why I did it, I could sense power within you… You might be the one I'm looking for." "For what?" His eyes suddenly burned with hatred. -
I would've spaced it apart for easier reading like this -
"To test you. Had you failed, I would have called off the Heartless." He suddenly looked sad. "I'm not a monster, you know… as for why I did it, I could sense power within you… You might be the one I'm looking for."
"For what?" His eyes suddenly burned with hatred.
- It prevents confusion at the very least! ^^
12/19/2010 c1 Iseria Dweller
You definitely need to check the spacing of this fic! Format issues aside, this does seem like an interesting plot and I'm a sucker for Larxene's girl power awesomness =)!
You definitely need to check the spacing of this fic! Format issues aside, this does seem like an interesting plot and I'm a sucker for Larxene's girl power awesomness =)!