for Sherlock Holmes' Sorceress4/27 c46 Guest
I've read from front to cover and I'd like to express my thoughts and opinions of your work. Sherlock Holmes is one of the toughest topics to write about if you a) haven't read anything about the series b) don't go into deep character analysis and c) don't know the Victorian Age. I will say that most of the errors you have made that bothered myself as a reader were plot and character developing more so than grammatical. There were too many coincedences with your character by the way she dressed, behaved, and fought that do not match what the movie/book is all about.
Though others have seriously nailed some of the critical errors thoroughout the story, I would just like to recap some of the major ones that must be corrected if you, the author, consider revising it. 1) First off, nothing wrong with a time travel/stuck into the movieverse plot. Though redudant, it's an okay plotline. But you'd have to choose wisely about what's being brought into from one world to the next. Your rather large and unusual group of animals showing up is unrealistic and highly unlikely in any story. 2) Try starting with one original character before bringing another in future writings. It seems like Emily was a wasted character that was only useful in the scenes she was needed and then tossed aside because it's too "action-packed".
3) This Sakai character bothers me the most, frankly. Obviously the character and most of your writing methods involve some sort of oriental background. Know that during the Victorian Age, Orientals (be it fighting style, apparrel, culture) and British do not get along together as well as further done the years due to the British Empire and its sphere of influence in China and other interests (as well as Social Darwinism). So bringing that kind of culture to a heavily British concentrated area would be unwise and problematic. 4) Giving Alaina powers is, as others have pointed out, a Mary Sue trait when doing it like this. There are other fanfics that include heavy development with possible time travel/powers but yours does not give an explanation of how or why she needs them. It's London, not Shang-Hai. You're sending back industrial progress backwards with use of swords versus rifle and machinery. 5) Yes there are grammatical errors but nothing that can't be fixed. 6) Please study more about the movie, mannerisms, the book, historical accuracies, and anything else to further your writing. It sounds boring and may take a while but the more detail you put into it, the larger the impact it will have on the audience.
Take these as constructive criticism and future suggestions for writing pieces. I'm not flaming, bashing, or in any way bring down this story lower than what others make it out to be. I wish you good luck in future endeavors and hope you respond with new inspiration to write.
I've read from front to cover and I'd like to express my thoughts and opinions of your work. Sherlock Holmes is one of the toughest topics to write about if you a) haven't read anything about the series b) don't go into deep character analysis and c) don't know the Victorian Age. I will say that most of the errors you have made that bothered myself as a reader were plot and character developing more so than grammatical. There were too many coincedences with your character by the way she dressed, behaved, and fought that do not match what the movie/book is all about.
Though others have seriously nailed some of the critical errors thoroughout the story, I would just like to recap some of the major ones that must be corrected if you, the author, consider revising it. 1) First off, nothing wrong with a time travel/stuck into the movieverse plot. Though redudant, it's an okay plotline. But you'd have to choose wisely about what's being brought into from one world to the next. Your rather large and unusual group of animals showing up is unrealistic and highly unlikely in any story. 2) Try starting with one original character before bringing another in future writings. It seems like Emily was a wasted character that was only useful in the scenes she was needed and then tossed aside because it's too "action-packed".
3) This Sakai character bothers me the most, frankly. Obviously the character and most of your writing methods involve some sort of oriental background. Know that during the Victorian Age, Orientals (be it fighting style, apparrel, culture) and British do not get along together as well as further done the years due to the British Empire and its sphere of influence in China and other interests (as well as Social Darwinism). So bringing that kind of culture to a heavily British concentrated area would be unwise and problematic. 4) Giving Alaina powers is, as others have pointed out, a Mary Sue trait when doing it like this. There are other fanfics that include heavy development with possible time travel/powers but yours does not give an explanation of how or why she needs them. It's London, not Shang-Hai. You're sending back industrial progress backwards with use of swords versus rifle and machinery. 5) Yes there are grammatical errors but nothing that can't be fixed. 6) Please study more about the movie, mannerisms, the book, historical accuracies, and anything else to further your writing. It sounds boring and may take a while but the more detail you put into it, the larger the impact it will have on the audience.
Take these as constructive criticism and future suggestions for writing pieces. I'm not flaming, bashing, or in any way bring down this story lower than what others make it out to be. I wish you good luck in future endeavors and hope you respond with new inspiration to write.
1/8 c46 Shadow97
Can you please do a sequel? Please?
Can you please do a sequel? Please?
12/13/2012 c27 Lovely
Very good and helped a lot thankyou
Very good and helped a lot thankyou
12/14/2012 c45 
5grapejuice101
i love it. u have to update asap plz. i hope ur doing the sequel movie.
5grapejuice101i love it. u have to update asap plz. i hope ur doing the sequel movie.
11/20/2012 c42 11EthanPrime21
Okay, I know this is somewhat unrelated but I just thought I would share my little experience with this story with you. XD When you first mentioned Derrik and described him the first guy that popped into my mind was this scary fucking angel from Supernatural and then you put the name up and I looked and I started LOLing because it was the same guy. Just thought I'd let y'all know that.
11EthanPrime21Okay, I know this is somewhat unrelated but I just thought I would share my little experience with this story with you. XD When you first mentioned Derrik and described him the first guy that popped into my mind was this scary fucking angel from Supernatural and then you put the name up and I looked and I started LOLing because it was the same guy. Just thought I'd let y'all know that.
10/22/2012 c44 Guest
cute
cant wait for the ending
i love this story
cute
cant wait for the ending
i love this story
10/22/2012 c44 lulu
great fic! i loved it from the beginning to the end!
great fic! i loved it from the beginning to the end!
10/22/2012 c20 cliffsofmoher11
Oh my gosh. What I just read was one of the worst fanfics of all time. WHYYYY. PLEASE pay attention to your grammar, your punctuation and your choice of words (which is TERRIBLE) at the very least. You lost my respect in the very first chapter with your awful grammar, but for some reason I plowed on, hoping that the train wreck would get better. It did not. I kept reading, fascinated (as Holmes might be) by the awfulness, which slowly escalated and become funnier as it went along. I started writing down the most awful sentences, so I could remember them and maybe use them as examples of hilariously bad writing in one of my classes. Apparently, as earlier reviewers have mentioned, you have received critiques on all of this in the past and have chosen to ignore them. Please LEARN from what people say - your writing CAN be improved if you just work on it (and perhaps purchase a good writing/style guide, such as Strunk and White!). I can only imagine perhaps you are in junior high or high school and are at the very beginning of your writing hobby - but if you are in college or are ANY older, you really have no excuse for foisting this badness on the rest of the world. Please stop and learn to write before you publicly hurt the Holmes fandom any more. And, by the way, look up what a "Mary Sue" is.
Oh my gosh. What I just read was one of the worst fanfics of all time. WHYYYY. PLEASE pay attention to your grammar, your punctuation and your choice of words (which is TERRIBLE) at the very least. You lost my respect in the very first chapter with your awful grammar, but for some reason I plowed on, hoping that the train wreck would get better. It did not. I kept reading, fascinated (as Holmes might be) by the awfulness, which slowly escalated and become funnier as it went along. I started writing down the most awful sentences, so I could remember them and maybe use them as examples of hilariously bad writing in one of my classes. Apparently, as earlier reviewers have mentioned, you have received critiques on all of this in the past and have chosen to ignore them. Please LEARN from what people say - your writing CAN be improved if you just work on it (and perhaps purchase a good writing/style guide, such as Strunk and White!). I can only imagine perhaps you are in junior high or high school and are at the very beginning of your writing hobby - but if you are in college or are ANY older, you really have no excuse for foisting this badness on the rest of the world. Please stop and learn to write before you publicly hurt the Holmes fandom any more. And, by the way, look up what a "Mary Sue" is.