for Be My Baby3/17/2011 c1 SusieQ
I loved this character-based story! So emotive. You made the post-married life of Kim and Shego very interesting and compelling. I hope you write another slice of it soon. 5 stars!
I loved this character-based story! So emotive. You made the post-married life of Kim and Shego very interesting and compelling. I hope you write another slice of it soon. 5 stars!
3/8/2011 c1 
18Alexander - Godslayer
Well, I’ve read it and… this… is gonna be awkward…
I’ll better start by getting the main problem out of it. I’m honestly disappointed by the end result. That much can’t be helped. It’s not because it’s bad, but on my perspective it’s very disappointing.
Why, you may ask? Because this is neither a proper response to the original challenge, let alone what the fic’s own premise promises. This fic is NOT about a stork bringing Kim and Shego a baby and the consequences around that, people’s reaction and how that unfolds. This fic is solemnly about your personal take on Shego for this fic, about her life, her past, her inner thoughts, fears, interests, the things she’s doing nowadays, the ones she cares for and everything, and the arriving baby is just a little detail throughout all this.
How little of a detail? Well, lemme start by pointing out that the baby wasn’t even given a name. She wasn’t even given an unique description or design; she’s yet ANOTHER pale-skinned redheaded girl, which at this point couldn’t be any more unoriginal and is the reason I had designed the child in a totally opposite way when making the second fanart for the challenge. And she just shows up, and that’s it? Okay, I can take Kim and Shego accepting it and whatever mythical adventure they had not long ago being good enough of a reason, but there’s no expansion beyond that. Nothing about the families or friends learning, nothing about them having to adjust to know having a baby, getting the baby the papers for him to be documented and everything, any reply to the ones that sent the stork, or anything at all. This is why I can’t call the fic being ABOUT Kim and Shego getting a baby, or perhaps I can – the second half of it perhaps – but then I have to call it mediocre due to how little expansion on the subject there is.
And meanwhile most of the fic drags around subjects that aren’t what reader would have come to read based on either the challenge or the summary. Not that all this is something bad, but it’s like promising apples and instead giving lemons to the confused receiver asking about the apples.
When it comes to the fic itself, again, I wouldn’t call it bad. It’s a rather unusual take on Shego, although I’m not sure how much of it I can praise when much of her traits seem to have been decided simply with the purpose of differing from other fics, considering how said fics seem to be referenced to in a certain paragraph. That aside, however, her writing what’s practically a personal biography is a very interesting and rather well used technique to show Shego’s past, although it could do a little less of exposition if you ask me. Finally, the problems she’s going through writing the damn thing certainly add a fun touch that anyone who has experience writing can relate to.
But while all these are good elements, none of them mix properly with the whole premise about the arriving baby. And not necessarily so well together, either. Not incompatible either, but they just don’t contribute to one another to make the overall experience drawn from reading this any better.
And while the welcoming of the baby really is something cute, it feels rather brought up of nowhere since there was nothing that implied Shego (or Kim, for as relevant as she is to this fic) having ever wanted to be a mother, which is something important, because it’s not like just anyone would so heartwarmingly welcome a baby dropped at their door. If this was a wish come true, I’d find the reactions perfectly fitting. But like I said, there’s nothing that suggests they had that wish beforehand.
Sigh… so, again, the fic isn’t bad, but it’s not something great either and, as response to the challenge or an execution of the "stork bring baby" concept, it’s average at best.
Sorry this review got to be so negative in so many ways, but it’s just my honest opinion. I still believe, however, that you got a lot of potential for writing. This one-shot, as brief as it is, had some good ideas within itself, just not executed right or put in the right context or story. So I hope you can appreciate this review in some way or another and draw out the best of it to help you write.
Yours, "Dormienti" Alexander/Alexlayer.
Vale.
18Alexander - GodslayerWell, I’ve read it and… this… is gonna be awkward…
I’ll better start by getting the main problem out of it. I’m honestly disappointed by the end result. That much can’t be helped. It’s not because it’s bad, but on my perspective it’s very disappointing.
Why, you may ask? Because this is neither a proper response to the original challenge, let alone what the fic’s own premise promises. This fic is NOT about a stork bringing Kim and Shego a baby and the consequences around that, people’s reaction and how that unfolds. This fic is solemnly about your personal take on Shego for this fic, about her life, her past, her inner thoughts, fears, interests, the things she’s doing nowadays, the ones she cares for and everything, and the arriving baby is just a little detail throughout all this.
How little of a detail? Well, lemme start by pointing out that the baby wasn’t even given a name. She wasn’t even given an unique description or design; she’s yet ANOTHER pale-skinned redheaded girl, which at this point couldn’t be any more unoriginal and is the reason I had designed the child in a totally opposite way when making the second fanart for the challenge. And she just shows up, and that’s it? Okay, I can take Kim and Shego accepting it and whatever mythical adventure they had not long ago being good enough of a reason, but there’s no expansion beyond that. Nothing about the families or friends learning, nothing about them having to adjust to know having a baby, getting the baby the papers for him to be documented and everything, any reply to the ones that sent the stork, or anything at all. This is why I can’t call the fic being ABOUT Kim and Shego getting a baby, or perhaps I can – the second half of it perhaps – but then I have to call it mediocre due to how little expansion on the subject there is.
And meanwhile most of the fic drags around subjects that aren’t what reader would have come to read based on either the challenge or the summary. Not that all this is something bad, but it’s like promising apples and instead giving lemons to the confused receiver asking about the apples.
When it comes to the fic itself, again, I wouldn’t call it bad. It’s a rather unusual take on Shego, although I’m not sure how much of it I can praise when much of her traits seem to have been decided simply with the purpose of differing from other fics, considering how said fics seem to be referenced to in a certain paragraph. That aside, however, her writing what’s practically a personal biography is a very interesting and rather well used technique to show Shego’s past, although it could do a little less of exposition if you ask me. Finally, the problems she’s going through writing the damn thing certainly add a fun touch that anyone who has experience writing can relate to.
But while all these are good elements, none of them mix properly with the whole premise about the arriving baby. And not necessarily so well together, either. Not incompatible either, but they just don’t contribute to one another to make the overall experience drawn from reading this any better.
And while the welcoming of the baby really is something cute, it feels rather brought up of nowhere since there was nothing that implied Shego (or Kim, for as relevant as she is to this fic) having ever wanted to be a mother, which is something important, because it’s not like just anyone would so heartwarmingly welcome a baby dropped at their door. If this was a wish come true, I’d find the reactions perfectly fitting. But like I said, there’s nothing that suggests they had that wish beforehand.
Sigh… so, again, the fic isn’t bad, but it’s not something great either and, as response to the challenge or an execution of the "stork bring baby" concept, it’s average at best.
Sorry this review got to be so negative in so many ways, but it’s just my honest opinion. I still believe, however, that you got a lot of potential for writing. This one-shot, as brief as it is, had some good ideas within itself, just not executed right or put in the right context or story. So I hope you can appreciate this review in some way or another and draw out the best of it to help you write.
Yours, "Dormienti" Alexander/Alexlayer.
Vale.
3/7/2011 c1 2Epicurus
Well, you know what *I* think.
But a thing I didn't say in beta, because I thought it wasn't pertinent, was about this passage:
"Shego takes the coffee pot out, pours some of the black brew into a Kermit the Frog mug Ron got her as a joke (not that she found it very funny), and takes a sip. The bitter taste of black coffee isn't for everyone, but she loves it. She finds it bracing..."
I know you don't drink coffee, but I think you capture the experience of a cup of black coffee in the morning very well, as someone who consumes the stuff by the pot. These little details are what makes a story that I would have otherwise probably found a bit too fluffy very readable for me. What can I say? I don't especially like fluff. But this one works.
2EpicurusWell, you know what *I* think.
But a thing I didn't say in beta, because I thought it wasn't pertinent, was about this passage:
"Shego takes the coffee pot out, pours some of the black brew into a Kermit the Frog mug Ron got her as a joke (not that she found it very funny), and takes a sip. The bitter taste of black coffee isn't for everyone, but she loves it. She finds it bracing..."
I know you don't drink coffee, but I think you capture the experience of a cup of black coffee in the morning very well, as someone who consumes the stuff by the pot. These little details are what makes a story that I would have otherwise probably found a bit too fluffy very readable for me. What can I say? I don't especially like fluff. But this one works.
3/4/2011 c1 AliceLife
awwwww is so cuteeeeeeeeee ^_^ also the thought of shego writing book makes me chuckle for some reason hehe
awwwww is so cuteeeeeeeeee ^_^ also the thought of shego writing book makes me chuckle for some reason hehe
3/4/2011 c1 1longnite
Really enjoyed the inner dialogue provided here for Shego. Always fun to see the possible motivations and fears on either of these two strong characters. Liked the potential history and her perception of herself as a mother.
Kim's entrance to this tale was quite hilarious. The method of waking her was just too funny. It was also quite cute to see how she and Shego reacted to seeing their daughter for the first time. Very sweet and left the reader wanting even more...even though it would cause a "sugar" overdose! lol!
Even though this might have been delayed for the holiday intended...it turned out to be worth the wait! Very well played!;)
1longniteReally enjoyed the inner dialogue provided here for Shego. Always fun to see the possible motivations and fears on either of these two strong characters. Liked the potential history and her perception of herself as a mother.
Kim's entrance to this tale was quite hilarious. The method of waking her was just too funny. It was also quite cute to see how she and Shego reacted to seeing their daughter for the first time. Very sweet and left the reader wanting even more...even though it would cause a "sugar" overdose! lol!
Even though this might have been delayed for the holiday intended...it turned out to be worth the wait! Very well played!;)
3/4/2011 c1 OsterPenPen
It's sappy and sweet and almost nauseatingly so on both counts. I love it! This is exactly what I wanted when I posted the challenge!
It's sappy and sweet and almost nauseatingly so on both counts. I love it! This is exactly what I wanted when I posted the challenge!
3/3/2011 c1 5Ken-Zero
Hi-freakin'-larious. Very cute, too-the introspection over the book, the feeling of determination to get it written to express something that a similar feeling of inadequacy prevents from being spoken, and then what actually gets written...
And then the stork arrived and confused the hell out of Shego and then Kim and I had his exact voice in my head damn you! Awful stereotyped quasi-Brooklyn accent and everything! Awesome.
And the end was adorable. Plain and simple. Though Kim's initial disorientation (after waking) was silly and funny, when she wised up (and now I hear *myself* in the stork's voice...) and asked if it was a joke...and then the stork pipes in...cue the idiot grin that didn't go away until just now.
So well done, and I'm lookin' forward to POTH, too :)
5Ken-ZeroHi-freakin'-larious. Very cute, too-the introspection over the book, the feeling of determination to get it written to express something that a similar feeling of inadequacy prevents from being spoken, and then what actually gets written...
And then the stork arrived and confused the hell out of Shego and then Kim and I had his exact voice in my head damn you! Awful stereotyped quasi-Brooklyn accent and everything! Awesome.
And the end was adorable. Plain and simple. Though Kim's initial disorientation (after waking) was silly and funny, when she wised up (and now I hear *myself* in the stork's voice...) and asked if it was a joke...and then the stork pipes in...cue the idiot grin that didn't go away until just now.
So well done, and I'm lookin' forward to POTH, too :)
3/3/2011 c1 Pesterfield
Worth the wait.
Metaphor Dimension, that's a neat way of getting a stork in.
Worth the wait.
Metaphor Dimension, that's a neat way of getting a stork in.