for Just wanna be with you7/12/2011 c5 
40Masih
Awwwww! That's so sweet! You really need to up date soon. Like what will Bella do when Edwards tells her about Jake and him?
40MasihAwwwww! That's so sweet! You really need to up date soon. Like what will Bella do when Edwards tells her about Jake and him?
7/12/2011 c5 1pokemon4597
I thought the story was pretty well-thought out, and the plot was very interesting. But you might want to have somebody look over your work. There are tons of grammatical errors that could be easily and quickly fixed. It really distracts from the story. Also, some of the phrasing is rather awkward "I stand to looks who is there distrubing me from my crying state". Looks should be "look", and "crying state" sounds pretty awkward. Maybe just "crying" or something more descriptive like "sobbing" or even "state of weeping". Finally,you had a run-on sentence. "Then I heard knocks from the glass door of the balcony of my room" is a complete sentence, and should not be attached to the next phrase as-is. And these are all just examples. I know I might seem like I'm being overly-critical, but I'm really just trying to help. I like the relationship between Jacob and Edward a lot in this story, and Bella's character was unique and pretty engaging. But the grammar kept getting in the way for me.
1pokemon4597I thought the story was pretty well-thought out, and the plot was very interesting. But you might want to have somebody look over your work. There are tons of grammatical errors that could be easily and quickly fixed. It really distracts from the story. Also, some of the phrasing is rather awkward "I stand to looks who is there distrubing me from my crying state". Looks should be "look", and "crying state" sounds pretty awkward. Maybe just "crying" or something more descriptive like "sobbing" or even "state of weeping". Finally,you had a run-on sentence. "Then I heard knocks from the glass door of the balcony of my room" is a complete sentence, and should not be attached to the next phrase as-is. And these are all just examples. I know I might seem like I'm being overly-critical, but I'm really just trying to help. I like the relationship between Jacob and Edward a lot in this story, and Bella's character was unique and pretty engaging. But the grammar kept getting in the way for me.
6/12/2011 c5 jakeward
kya~~it's so sweet n cute!please please continue writing~
kya~~it's so sweet n cute!please please continue writing~
6/9/2011 c1 SweeterThanHeaven
Oh gosh! That was so sad! poor Jake, he is in love of Eddie! continuee! I love this
Oh gosh! That was so sad! poor Jake, he is in love of Eddie! continuee! I love this
6/9/2011 c5 Kari Black
I love your story, I don't know why u got so few reviews, this is awesome!
I love your story, I don't know why u got so few reviews, this is awesome!
6/6/2011 c1 LuvHoney
it's nice n i enjoy reading it!love jakeward so much~~keep up with the hard work!
it's nice n i enjoy reading it!love jakeward so much~~keep up with the hard work!