for Wounded Soul
15/20/2012 c2 SimStars
I really like the idea behind this, and the way you've written it makes it seem less obvious than it could have been (plot wise and stuff).
The only critiques I have are an extra comma in this sentence "Ever since, that night in Risembool." and this chapter feels all over the place, due to how you're describing the fight in first person and then he's not there. It does make sense but it's a little hard to get to grips with.
I was trying to work out who had the daemon out of the homunculi, and I'm guessing it's Envy and that this is the first anime?
I really hope you continue this, I really love all the choices of daemons etc. well done! :D
I really like the idea behind this, and the way you've written it makes it seem less obvious than it could have been (plot wise and stuff).
The only critiques I have are an extra comma in this sentence "Ever since, that night in Risembool." and this chapter feels all over the place, due to how you're describing the fight in first person and then he's not there. It does make sense but it's a little hard to get to grips with.
I was trying to work out who had the daemon out of the homunculi, and I'm guessing it's Envy and that this is the first anime?
I really hope you continue this, I really love all the choices of daemons etc. well done! :D