for Elizabeth of the 80 Winters7/25/2012 c6 
10pebbles989
Sorry for late review-only just had a chance to sit down and do some reading. Cool chapter! Love the dialogue, especially the bits with Henry and Richard.
10pebbles989Sorry for late review-only just had a chance to sit down and do some reading. Cool chapter! Love the dialogue, especially the bits with Henry and Richard.
7/17/2012 c6 Guest
Very well done! Did you watch the drama series, "The Princes in the Tower," by any chance? The dialect is similar to theirs.
Very interesting indeed! Hope to see more with this and your other Fanfic, "The Other Neville Girl"! :-D
Very well done! Did you watch the drama series, "The Princes in the Tower," by any chance? The dialect is similar to theirs.
Very interesting indeed! Hope to see more with this and your other Fanfic, "The Other Neville Girl"! :-D
7/17/2012 c6 17Velocitygirl1980
Nice update. Have you based this on "The Princes In The Tower" by any chance? Because the dialogue is almost identical to the interview scenes in it (just with Elizabeth Woodville added in). I would be cautious of doing that. Also, just make sure that you capitalise letters and the like. But it's getting better.
17Velocitygirl1980Nice update. Have you based this on "The Princes In The Tower" by any chance? Because the dialogue is almost identical to the interview scenes in it (just with Elizabeth Woodville added in). I would be cautious of doing that. Also, just make sure that you capitalise letters and the like. But it's getting better.
6/23/2012 c5 5RichardIII1955
Do continue! :-D This is getting very interesting indeed...
Great Pretender- Perkin Warbeck? Or Richard, Duke of York?
I wonder who he is in this one...
5RichardIII1955Do continue! :-D This is getting very interesting indeed...
Great Pretender- Perkin Warbeck? Or Richard, Duke of York?
I wonder who he is in this one...
6/2/2012 c5 4Claire Hayasaka
Ooh, I'm curious to see if this man is a prince or a pretender! :D Great chapter! I too agree with VelocityGirl's review: You have some great ideas, and this story has A LOT of potential. With some editing and smoothing out this story can be amazing! (Not that it already isn't mind you. :))
Us mean readers wanting Elizabeth to die! XD. We're so terrible. I'm curious to see how her fate plays out though. I liked the line with Margaret Beaufort as well: " Margaret Beaufort strikes an intimidating look as if she was trying to turn the young man into ice but failed" She would try to turn people into ice, wouldn't she? :D
Again, you have a great story that would benefit greatly from a great beta reader. I look forward to seeing the next chapter, and keep it up! :D
4Claire HayasakaOoh, I'm curious to see if this man is a prince or a pretender! :D Great chapter! I too agree with VelocityGirl's review: You have some great ideas, and this story has A LOT of potential. With some editing and smoothing out this story can be amazing! (Not that it already isn't mind you. :))
Us mean readers wanting Elizabeth to die! XD. We're so terrible. I'm curious to see how her fate plays out though. I liked the line with Margaret Beaufort as well: " Margaret Beaufort strikes an intimidating look as if she was trying to turn the young man into ice but failed" She would try to turn people into ice, wouldn't she? :D
Again, you have a great story that would benefit greatly from a great beta reader. I look forward to seeing the next chapter, and keep it up! :D
4/8/2012 c5 10pebbles989
Nice chapter, just two little things. The first section needs a bit tighting in regards to gammar and Henry VII, despite having a reputation for meanness, did spend a great deal of money on his court.
This is a really great story and I can't wait for the update.
10pebbles989Nice chapter, just two little things. The first section needs a bit tighting in regards to gammar and Henry VII, despite having a reputation for meanness, did spend a great deal of money on his court.
This is a really great story and I can't wait for the update.
4/8/2012 c5 17Velocitygirl1980
It's great to see you back with this story, as it is good (so please don't take this review the wrong way). But, it really would be beneficial for you to get a Beta reader, just to smooth out some of the spelling/grammar errors that are strewn through the chapters ("Lancastrain" and other such typos). Everyone makes typing errors, so it's not a major problem - but it would make the story much more reader friendly (especially that large block of unpunctuated text at the beginning of this chap). So please have a think about that.
Some of the capitalisation needs to be looked at: "Margaret Jealous" it's as though that is actually her name, lol! Fact checking may also be in order, even for an AU piece. Naturally Margaret Beaufort agreed to the Spanish match for Arthur; it was her idea all along as she was eager to solidify the newly established Tudor regime. The same goes for Margaret's match with the future King of Scots. For MB to be against anything that furthers the Tudor cause would be wildly out of character for her.
Another thing you could try; instead of inserting "stage directions" (eg. "Still of Elizabeth of York's POV" etc), try to work it them into the body of the story. Otherwise, it disrupts the flow of the narrative. Even if you start a new paragraph with "later that month..." or, "many years ago..." and carry on with the narrative (this is in regards to the "time warps").
You have a lot of potential in this story, regardless of what flamers may say. It is just the "technical" points that let you down. If you smooth those out, you would have a terrific piece of work. However, you are progressing nicely, so do not be put off. Anyway, I will sign off for now. But please do think about getting yourself a Beta reader. A second pair of eyes can pick and out and pull up the typos etc that your own might miss.
Finally, I want to say that I am looking forward to the next update. Take care now. :)
17Velocitygirl1980It's great to see you back with this story, as it is good (so please don't take this review the wrong way). But, it really would be beneficial for you to get a Beta reader, just to smooth out some of the spelling/grammar errors that are strewn through the chapters ("Lancastrain" and other such typos). Everyone makes typing errors, so it's not a major problem - but it would make the story much more reader friendly (especially that large block of unpunctuated text at the beginning of this chap). So please have a think about that.
Some of the capitalisation needs to be looked at: "Margaret Jealous" it's as though that is actually her name, lol! Fact checking may also be in order, even for an AU piece. Naturally Margaret Beaufort agreed to the Spanish match for Arthur; it was her idea all along as she was eager to solidify the newly established Tudor regime. The same goes for Margaret's match with the future King of Scots. For MB to be against anything that furthers the Tudor cause would be wildly out of character for her.
Another thing you could try; instead of inserting "stage directions" (eg. "Still of Elizabeth of York's POV" etc), try to work it them into the body of the story. Otherwise, it disrupts the flow of the narrative. Even if you start a new paragraph with "later that month..." or, "many years ago..." and carry on with the narrative (this is in regards to the "time warps").
You have a lot of potential in this story, regardless of what flamers may say. It is just the "technical" points that let you down. If you smooth those out, you would have a terrific piece of work. However, you are progressing nicely, so do not be put off. Anyway, I will sign off for now. But please do think about getting yourself a Beta reader. A second pair of eyes can pick and out and pull up the typos etc that your own might miss.
Finally, I want to say that I am looking forward to the next update. Take care now. :)
11/26/2011 c3 LOL
these fics are abortions
these fics are abortions
11/26/2011 c3 LOL
these fics are abortions
these fics are abortions
10/27/2011 c4 10pebbles989
Good story. Would be interesting in poor Elizabeth of York died, but it is up to you ;)
10pebbles989Good story. Would be interesting in poor Elizabeth of York died, but it is up to you ;)
10/27/2011 c4 4Claire Hayasaka
Holy crap! I thought you had killed off Edward! :D (Not sparkly Edward, King Edward! :D)
I'm all for keeping people alive, but I'd be interested to see where you go if you do kill off Elizabeth(oh, that sounded so crass...sorry:() Anyways, go either way, just make it interesting!
Well, besides from my useless advice, keep up the good work on this story, and I'm looking forward to reading more! :)
4Claire HayasakaHoly crap! I thought you had killed off Edward! :D (Not sparkly Edward, King Edward! :D)
I'm all for keeping people alive, but I'd be interested to see where you go if you do kill off Elizabeth(oh, that sounded so crass...sorry:() Anyways, go either way, just make it interesting!
Well, besides from my useless advice, keep up the good work on this story, and I'm looking forward to reading more! :)
10/27/2011 c3 Claire Hayasaka
"The same melancholy tone like she was coaxing a beggar"
I loved that! Absolutely awesome, and a very clever description. I could picture Elizabeth's tone from that clearly in my head. :D Poor Margaret, she really needs a vacation huh? I'm curious to see where this goes! Awesome chapter! :)
"The same melancholy tone like she was coaxing a beggar"
I loved that! Absolutely awesome, and a very clever description. I could picture Elizabeth's tone from that clearly in my head. :D Poor Margaret, she really needs a vacation huh? I'm curious to see where this goes! Awesome chapter! :)
10/26/2011 c4 17Velocitygirl1980
Hi there! Again, this update is great, and the story is well worth continuing. However, I would suggest that perhaps you run this by a Beta Reader first, just so that grammatical/spelling errors can be corrected, first. Otherwise, good job!
17Velocitygirl1980Hi there! Again, this update is great, and the story is well worth continuing. However, I would suggest that perhaps you run this by a Beta Reader first, just so that grammatical/spelling errors can be corrected, first. Otherwise, good job!
9/10/2011 c3 Velocitygirl1980
I was meant to review this ages ago, but yeah, keep up the good work. The story is shaping up nicely =D
I was meant to review this ages ago, but yeah, keep up the good work. The story is shaping up nicely =D
9/8/2011 c2 6Boleyn Girl13
I cannot wait to read from Margaret Beaufort's perspective! I think they were both very different ladies who had a lot more in common but do to ideological differences were sort of considered enemies so I look forward to seeeing what you do with her.
~Marissa
6Boleyn Girl13I cannot wait to read from Margaret Beaufort's perspective! I think they were both very different ladies who had a lot more in common but do to ideological differences were sort of considered enemies so I look forward to seeeing what you do with her.
~Marissa