for f o c u s12/15/2011 c4 
5MissLizziebeth
Love it! Though, I just noticed that FF changed the pairing category so that 'Hawke' is now 'Garrett Hawke' - seeing as you are using a female Hawke, there is an option put up for 'Marian Hawke' so you might want to change it to that :] FF's random changes confuse me :S Keep writing xxx
5MissLizziebethLove it! Though, I just noticed that FF changed the pairing category so that 'Hawke' is now 'Garrett Hawke' - seeing as you are using a female Hawke, there is an option put up for 'Marian Hawke' so you might want to change it to that :] FF's random changes confuse me :S Keep writing xxx
10/16/2011 c4 9Enchanter T.I.M
Hmmmm how could I forget this.. Again time paradox! Sorry but knowing hawke goes through what a good portion of women fear...such a jab to the nuts.
Now that Seb knows, ohhh clusterfuck bomb away!
So far your transitions are well, had to reread twice incase I was distracted. Also I go for team fenris because you can fix that bastard...its called cognitive behavior and how you use it is the best part. *evil grin*
(Plus My name is influnced by ME Tim=The Illusive Man and a mixture of Monty Python's Holy Grail Enchanter Tim. The name is a line reference.)
9Enchanter T.I.MHmmmm how could I forget this.. Again time paradox! Sorry but knowing hawke goes through what a good portion of women fear...such a jab to the nuts.
Now that Seb knows, ohhh clusterfuck bomb away!
So far your transitions are well, had to reread twice incase I was distracted. Also I go for team fenris because you can fix that bastard...its called cognitive behavior and how you use it is the best part. *evil grin*
(Plus My name is influnced by ME Tim=The Illusive Man and a mixture of Monty Python's Holy Grail Enchanter Tim. The name is a line reference.)
10/14/2011 c4 BloodyOrchid
It was very choppy to start with. You cleaned up some of the background though i so hate Bethany. In the game Carver may hate your guts but he would never betray family. Bethany acts sugary sweet but will stab you in the back if you side with the templars. So the group will be headed to Seheron next. Will Hawke be able to speak to the Qun to the Qunari? Cause many believe that if things had gone differently Hawke would have converted to the Qun considering what had happened to her mother, who was very faithful to the Maker, was murdered by a madman. Keep up the good work though this chapter was not my favorite. Oh, on their travels do you think it will be possible for Hawke to make ice cream with Bethany's magic or her own? It would be interesting to see her group's reactions to it. Very Orlesian treat. Bye for now.
It was very choppy to start with. You cleaned up some of the background though i so hate Bethany. In the game Carver may hate your guts but he would never betray family. Bethany acts sugary sweet but will stab you in the back if you side with the templars. So the group will be headed to Seheron next. Will Hawke be able to speak to the Qun to the Qunari? Cause many believe that if things had gone differently Hawke would have converted to the Qun considering what had happened to her mother, who was very faithful to the Maker, was murdered by a madman. Keep up the good work though this chapter was not my favorite. Oh, on their travels do you think it will be possible for Hawke to make ice cream with Bethany's magic or her own? It would be interesting to see her group's reactions to it. Very Orlesian treat. Bye for now.
10/10/2011 c3 5Mysterious Panther
Hawke/Multi?
Can I love you? I dig harems and no one does them anymore! Reviews do make people happy don't they? Unless their flames but it won't matter here. Who would deny such a great piece of literature?:) Keep up the good work! We'll be waiting!
5Mysterious PantherHawke/Multi?
Can I love you? I dig harems and no one does them anymore! Reviews do make people happy don't they? Unless their flames but it won't matter here. Who would deny such a great piece of literature?:) Keep up the good work! We'll be waiting!
9/29/2011 c2 Ronin Kenshin
another good chapter but she better slow down or she'll scare people and for pairing definatally bela and hawke good work
another good chapter but she better slow down or she'll scare people and for pairing definatally bela and hawke good work
9/29/2011 c1 Ronin Kenshin
wow this is an awsomely original story can't wait to see how it goes great work
wow this is an awsomely original story can't wait to see how it goes great work
9/27/2011 c3 BloodyOrchid
I am glad my review made you happy. This chapter is getting the ball rolling and I have enjoyed it five times before I got around to review it. I am truly intrigued by the direction you'll be going with this, but a question. Will you be cleaning the Amell estate out in the next chapter? Also concerning your spelling and punctuation there are some minor mistakes but don't let that stop you. Keep up the good work!
I am glad my review made you happy. This chapter is getting the ball rolling and I have enjoyed it five times before I got around to review it. I am truly intrigued by the direction you'll be going with this, but a question. Will you be cleaning the Amell estate out in the next chapter? Also concerning your spelling and punctuation there are some minor mistakes but don't let that stop you. Keep up the good work!
9/27/2011 c3 theifkingbakura1
Wooo liking this so far :D
*thumbsup*
Wooo liking this so far :D
*thumbsup*
9/27/2011 c3 9Enchanter T.I.M
Ok getting some stuff out the way, your pronouns were getting alittle mixed up towards the end and you almost did write yourself into a corner since I screamed in my head "Time Paradox" for every slip up Hawke made...however that makes it all the more fun. It might turn into one of those chaos theory types where something has got to give for any suspicion she raises.
Still glad your continuing this...(also I might as well just out and out shout out go team F!hawke/Fenris)
9Enchanter T.I.MOk getting some stuff out the way, your pronouns were getting alittle mixed up towards the end and you almost did write yourself into a corner since I screamed in my head "Time Paradox" for every slip up Hawke made...however that makes it all the more fun. It might turn into one of those chaos theory types where something has got to give for any suspicion she raises.
Still glad your continuing this...(also I might as well just out and out shout out go team F!hawke/Fenris)
9/26/2011 c2 BloodyOrchid
I was a little scarier when I read the first chapter but the second was marvelous! As for the pairing why not all of them. If you pair her off with one the chances are that the others will try to steal her away or kill the person who has her at the time. So there is my vote so keep up the go work.
I was a little scarier when I read the first chapter but the second was marvelous! As for the pairing why not all of them. If you pair her off with one the chances are that the others will try to steal her away or kill the person who has her at the time. So there is my vote so keep up the go work.
9/26/2011 c2 Enchanter T.I.M
Hmmm I could get into this..its like letting Hawke hitting the reset button and she knows everything that will happen for a perfect run and Damn the rules!
Hmmm I could get into this..its like letting Hawke hitting the reset button and she knows everything that will happen for a perfect run and Damn the rules!