for Crimson Crossroads11/24/2012 c1 
19persevera
This is very well-written, as far as descriptions and narrative.
You might want to work a little on the believability of the scenario-not from the supernatural aspects but the human actions and reactions.
If Kiri is starting to school, you'd like to think that she'd be old enough to know better than to sit on a three-story balcony railing to look at the sky.
The phone call at the time of her showing up at the door and telling her aunt and uncle briefly what had happened is a little off.
It helps that Takao tries to interrupt her and she cuts him off but her language doesn't seem normal for the situation.
I did like it though that they had the exchange when he was going up to check on Akira and Rhia was chastizing him because she didn't realize that.
19perseveraThis is very well-written, as far as descriptions and narrative.
You might want to work a little on the believability of the scenario-not from the supernatural aspects but the human actions and reactions.
If Kiri is starting to school, you'd like to think that she'd be old enough to know better than to sit on a three-story balcony railing to look at the sky.
The phone call at the time of her showing up at the door and telling her aunt and uncle briefly what had happened is a little off.
It helps that Takao tries to interrupt her and she cuts him off but her language doesn't seem normal for the situation.
I did like it though that they had the exchange when he was going up to check on Akira and Rhia was chastizing him because she didn't realize that.
11/12/2012 c9 17Naomi Shihoin
What bee is buzzing in Jessica's bonnet? I'm going to assume she is another character who you had hidden up your sleeve since the days of that other story. I think you're doing a great job of this story and the others, of course, but this one and Daybreak are the ones that hold my interest the most right now.
17Naomi ShihoinWhat bee is buzzing in Jessica's bonnet? I'm going to assume she is another character who you had hidden up your sleeve since the days of that other story. I think you're doing a great job of this story and the others, of course, but this one and Daybreak are the ones that hold my interest the most right now.
10/28/2012 c9 Nekofairy
Okay so I was a little confused with this chapter and also part of chapter 8. In chapter 8 when Sean was with Kiriko I didn't expect in the slightest that he knew she had a digimon. It really surprised me actually because it just didn't quite fit to me. At least not without a mention to it before the event happened or actually placing in the story a section when they realize she has a digimon. That would make it flow more to me and also it would make more sense than randomly putting that scene in there. Also the girl Tomoe and her digimon kudamon were just kinda of thrown in there as well without much explaination. I don't know if this was intended but it just seems to me that there are quite a bit of points that just don't quite flow together in any sort of way. I understand if they are relevant in the future but I believe they should still somewhat tie in to what's already happened. I know you tied in the whole kiriko having a digimon thing with luca being suspicious about it but I sill believe that you should reveal how Sean and Luca found out since I'm pretty sure they didn't know before they went to the DigiWorld. Also does the whole group know or only those two? That should also be brought in I think.
Sorry if this seemed rude in anyway, I'm not one to leave criticism much and this is only my opinion as well. I think this story is great and I really hope you post more within a good amount of time. I'm looking forward to the rest, keep up with the good job.
Okay so I was a little confused with this chapter and also part of chapter 8. In chapter 8 when Sean was with Kiriko I didn't expect in the slightest that he knew she had a digimon. It really surprised me actually because it just didn't quite fit to me. At least not without a mention to it before the event happened or actually placing in the story a section when they realize she has a digimon. That would make it flow more to me and also it would make more sense than randomly putting that scene in there. Also the girl Tomoe and her digimon kudamon were just kinda of thrown in there as well without much explaination. I don't know if this was intended but it just seems to me that there are quite a bit of points that just don't quite flow together in any sort of way. I understand if they are relevant in the future but I believe they should still somewhat tie in to what's already happened. I know you tied in the whole kiriko having a digimon thing with luca being suspicious about it but I sill believe that you should reveal how Sean and Luca found out since I'm pretty sure they didn't know before they went to the DigiWorld. Also does the whole group know or only those two? That should also be brought in I think.
Sorry if this seemed rude in anyway, I'm not one to leave criticism much and this is only my opinion as well. I think this story is great and I really hope you post more within a good amount of time. I'm looking forward to the rest, keep up with the good job.
10/18/2012 c9 5Sgt Rypht
Hello again, Aiko! Just wanted to drop by another review from yours truly! I’ve been following CC for a while. I just need to review a bit more, don’t you think? On to the review.
This was an incredibly well developed chapter. I think you handled a lot of the character development rather well here. It was relatively easy to read, and for some reason felt lighter to follow (if that made any sense). Also, you make some quotes that I just adore in the chapter. You know how to hit it hard when it needs to be. Keep working on that, especially when you get to the larger and more intense parts. You will want to have the same sort of sting that you have in some of these.
Out of all of the developments, Kiri and Sean are probably the most mysterious to follow. I love how you are sort of dropping clues with their character. I’m going to have to read over some of the other chapters to pick up all the pieces (I’ll advise any of the readers to do the same, actually). It makes sort of an interesting ground to follow.
For some reason, I think that you do Norio and his partner the best. For some reason, his word choices and his demeanor is like perfectly displayed through the written medium.
There isn’t much I can say that you need to work on for the next chapter. Right now, in terms of interest, Elly is probably the one the people are following the least. But, I think that is expected for now. Just keep that in mind as you continue through your chapters.
I feel like something big is about to happen in this story soon. I feel like it has been way to…calm as of late. Knowing you, you have something planned to drop on our heads!
I hope that this was helpful. Keep up the good work.
5Sgt RyphtHello again, Aiko! Just wanted to drop by another review from yours truly! I’ve been following CC for a while. I just need to review a bit more, don’t you think? On to the review.
This was an incredibly well developed chapter. I think you handled a lot of the character development rather well here. It was relatively easy to read, and for some reason felt lighter to follow (if that made any sense). Also, you make some quotes that I just adore in the chapter. You know how to hit it hard when it needs to be. Keep working on that, especially when you get to the larger and more intense parts. You will want to have the same sort of sting that you have in some of these.
Out of all of the developments, Kiri and Sean are probably the most mysterious to follow. I love how you are sort of dropping clues with their character. I’m going to have to read over some of the other chapters to pick up all the pieces (I’ll advise any of the readers to do the same, actually). It makes sort of an interesting ground to follow.
For some reason, I think that you do Norio and his partner the best. For some reason, his word choices and his demeanor is like perfectly displayed through the written medium.
There isn’t much I can say that you need to work on for the next chapter. Right now, in terms of interest, Elly is probably the one the people are following the least. But, I think that is expected for now. Just keep that in mind as you continue through your chapters.
I feel like something big is about to happen in this story soon. I feel like it has been way to…calm as of late. Knowing you, you have something planned to drop on our heads!
I hope that this was helpful. Keep up the good work.
4/19/2012 c5 17Naomi Shihoin
I'm looking forward to when you post chapter five. I was actually expecting it to be posted already by the time I got back from my holiday. What are your plans on Hanako's Hawkmon? What will he evolve into? There's still that bit towards the end of chapter 4 that you never finished... something along the lines of "Hanako glancing..." It's to do with Sean. I'd like it if you could finish that sentence, even though I can already figure she's glancing at Sean.
17Naomi ShihoinI'm looking forward to when you post chapter five. I was actually expecting it to be posted already by the time I got back from my holiday. What are your plans on Hanako's Hawkmon? What will he evolve into? There's still that bit towards the end of chapter 4 that you never finished... something along the lines of "Hanako glancing..." It's to do with Sean. I'd like it if you could finish that sentence, even though I can already figure she's glancing at Sean.
12/29/2011 c2 KumoFuzei
It was interesting and a clever transition I just find it hard to read all the japanese-y bits because I know nothing. Nice story so far :)
It was interesting and a clever transition I just find it hard to read all the japanese-y bits because I know nothing. Nice story so far :)
12/28/2011 c3 Caigus of White Lions
Hello, Akio. :D This is the first time in a while that I have had the chance to review your story. Congratulations for pushing me out of my procrastination and actually getting things done. Let’s see what I can say about the characters thus far and my general outlook on how the story is going to go. With no further things to do, we can jump into the review now!
For the most part, I think that the story is coming along quite nicely. For a person that is not to into the fandom, I found this to be a great read for someone even outside the fandom. That’s hard to accomplish. I’ve probably mentioned this before, but I think that you do the narration of your character really nicely. They are funny at times and at other times, the seriousness of the statements gets to me.
I appreciate your attention the details of the characters, because there is a lot of characters. From what I have read, your character seems really deep. I’ll suggest trying to get some more one on one time with some of the characters. I feel at times you introduce another character when I haven’t truly met the first one. Take some times to introduce some people and give some readers sometimes with them. Visually, we can handle more than character being introduced. In literature, it is hard without some space.
At any rate, my favorite character right now has to be Phascomon and Dracomon. :D I think of them as very interesting characters. Good luck on the rest of the story and I’ll be watching!
Hello, Akio. :D This is the first time in a while that I have had the chance to review your story. Congratulations for pushing me out of my procrastination and actually getting things done. Let’s see what I can say about the characters thus far and my general outlook on how the story is going to go. With no further things to do, we can jump into the review now!
For the most part, I think that the story is coming along quite nicely. For a person that is not to into the fandom, I found this to be a great read for someone even outside the fandom. That’s hard to accomplish. I’ve probably mentioned this before, but I think that you do the narration of your character really nicely. They are funny at times and at other times, the seriousness of the statements gets to me.
I appreciate your attention the details of the characters, because there is a lot of characters. From what I have read, your character seems really deep. I’ll suggest trying to get some more one on one time with some of the characters. I feel at times you introduce another character when I haven’t truly met the first one. Take some times to introduce some people and give some readers sometimes with them. Visually, we can handle more than character being introduced. In literature, it is hard without some space.
At any rate, my favorite character right now has to be Phascomon and Dracomon. :D I think of them as very interesting characters. Good luck on the rest of the story and I’ll be watching!
10/24/2011 c1 17Naomi Shihoin
A well written prologue so far. Am still intruigued about who this mysterious Norio is. Very much looking forward to reading chapter 1, hope it comes out soon. You're doing a great job, Aiko.
17Naomi ShihoinA well written prologue so far. Am still intruigued about who this mysterious Norio is. Very much looking forward to reading chapter 1, hope it comes out soon. You're doing a great job, Aiko.
10/22/2011 c1 44KumoFuzei
I love OC and I assume that's what this is so I'm glad I found it.
Mistake:
"All right you, get some sleep okay? School starts first thing tomorrow morning.
you need speech marks at the end.
He seems quite mature for someone his age, like even for someone in the predicament that I assume he is in. I know that's your choice but he's acting at least a little older.
Oooh I truly love this story and congratulate you on making it so deep. favourited.
44KumoFuzeiI love OC and I assume that's what this is so I'm glad I found it.
Mistake:
"All right you, get some sleep okay? School starts first thing tomorrow morning.
you need speech marks at the end.
He seems quite mature for someone his age, like even for someone in the predicament that I assume he is in. I know that's your choice but he's acting at least a little older.
Oooh I truly love this story and congratulate you on making it so deep. favourited.