for Family Ties5/21 c12 
15WhyMustIWrite
I ran out of time to stop and review each chapter, but I do want to come back and let you know that I greatly enjoyed your story. Some constructive criticism is that it was a little heavy on the Kaldur-angst, which seems to be an earmark of fanfiction... writers make it *too* obvious who their favorite character is, often by abusing them. :) I am guilty of the same, but trying to be more cognizant of that. Also, the scene with Aquaman weeping in Kaldur's apt felt a bit abrupt, which gave it a feeling of trying to force the Team's/the readers' sympathy. Not that it couldn't have happened. Anyway, these are minor issues, and the story itself really shines. You clearly put a lot of thought into the characters, their backgrounds, and their behaviour and emotions. You build suspense and tension, and maintain plausibility. Thank you for sharing this fic!
15WhyMustIWriteI ran out of time to stop and review each chapter, but I do want to come back and let you know that I greatly enjoyed your story. Some constructive criticism is that it was a little heavy on the Kaldur-angst, which seems to be an earmark of fanfiction... writers make it *too* obvious who their favorite character is, often by abusing them. :) I am guilty of the same, but trying to be more cognizant of that. Also, the scene with Aquaman weeping in Kaldur's apt felt a bit abrupt, which gave it a feeling of trying to force the Team's/the readers' sympathy. Not that it couldn't have happened. Anyway, these are minor issues, and the story itself really shines. You clearly put a lot of thought into the characters, their backgrounds, and their behaviour and emotions. You build suspense and tension, and maintain plausibility. Thank you for sharing this fic!
5/20 c5 WhyMustIWrite
Ah, you certainly didn't disappoint with Kaldur's reaction to the news! Also, I really enjoyed the way you've had Manta bring the subject about- slowly, carefully, in a way that is believable and heightens suspense. That detail alone adds much to the story. Instead of being force-fed the news, Aqualad is eased into it...in a way even made to ask for it, which makes it all the harder to accept.
Also, you really touched me with Kaldur's thoughts of his own upbringing, along with the way that he is received by the surface world. In an earlier chapter, you show that some of the Team teases him out of affectionate camaraderie, but clearly he does not see it that way.
Ah, you certainly didn't disappoint with Kaldur's reaction to the news! Also, I really enjoyed the way you've had Manta bring the subject about- slowly, carefully, in a way that is believable and heightens suspense. That detail alone adds much to the story. Instead of being force-fed the news, Aqualad is eased into it...in a way even made to ask for it, which makes it all the harder to accept.
Also, you really touched me with Kaldur's thoughts of his own upbringing, along with the way that he is received by the surface world. In an earlier chapter, you show that some of the Team teases him out of affectionate camaraderie, but clearly he does not see it that way.
5/19 c4 WhyMustIWrite
You really know how to keep the readers engaged! I meant to read only a couple of chapters before bed, and now I'm just not sure how I'll stop...
Also, can I compliment your characterization enough?
And I appreciated the odd normality of Black Manta's name.
You really know how to keep the readers engaged! I meant to read only a couple of chapters before bed, and now I'm just not sure how I'll stop...
Also, can I compliment your characterization enough?
And I appreciated the odd normality of Black Manta's name.
5/19 c3 WhyMustIWrite
Another excellent chapter. I'm enjoying seeing this through Kaldur's pov. Looks like the Manta reveal is going to happen much earlier! (Although, I don't know that it was actually ever established when and how Kaldur found out. I'm not finished watching YJ - have 5 episodes to go - so maybe that'll still come up.)
Another excellent chapter. I'm enjoying seeing this through Kaldur's pov. Looks like the Manta reveal is going to happen much earlier! (Although, I don't know that it was actually ever established when and how Kaldur found out. I'm not finished watching YJ - have 5 episodes to go - so maybe that'll still come up.)
5/19 c2 WhyMustIWrite
You've really captured the team's reactions well here and, surprisingly you have me sympathizing with *Superboy.* Sometimes I have difficulty getting past his angsty, hotheaded personality, but you made it easy.
I do wonder how AU this becomes- this story clearly takes place post "Alpha Male," but the Team has not forgiven him yet. Still, I'm sure I'll enjoy it either way- canon compliant or no.
You've really captured the team's reactions well here and, surprisingly you have me sympathizing with *Superboy.* Sometimes I have difficulty getting past his angsty, hotheaded personality, but you made it easy.
I do wonder how AU this becomes- this story clearly takes place post "Alpha Male," but the Team has not forgiven him yet. Still, I'm sure I'll enjoy it either way- canon compliant or no.
5/19 c1 WhyMustIWrite
Wonderful writing! I love your style and your characterization. You've clearly put a lot of thought into how you portray your characters and into the quality of this story- that is apparent from the first chapter. And you hook us right from the beginning! Looking forward to the upcoming chapters. :)
Wonderful writing! I love your style and your characterization. You've clearly put a lot of thought into how you portray your characters and into the quality of this story- that is apparent from the first chapter. And you hook us right from the beginning! Looking forward to the upcoming chapters. :)
2/15 c12 10CrazyDyslexicNerd
Oh! I just want to gush about the warm feeling in my heart! I'm not a gushing sort of person, I'm usually more of a sarcastic kind. On with the out of character gushing: you write the characters perfectly, the interactions, they're amazing! It makes me feel fluffy! And you wrote all of them well! Even if this wasn't a brilliantly written plot and well thought out story, which it is, I could read just for the characters.
Wonderful story.
-Dyslexic Nerd
10CrazyDyslexicNerdOh! I just want to gush about the warm feeling in my heart! I'm not a gushing sort of person, I'm usually more of a sarcastic kind. On with the out of character gushing: you write the characters perfectly, the interactions, they're amazing! It makes me feel fluffy! And you wrote all of them well! Even if this wasn't a brilliantly written plot and well thought out story, which it is, I could read just for the characters.
Wonderful story.
-Dyslexic Nerd
1/20 c5 52ashangel101010
I love the last line that the Black Manta dealt. I wonder what kind of father he will be. The story is wonderful.
52ashangel101010I love the last line that the Black Manta dealt. I wonder what kind of father he will be. The story is wonderful.
7/7/2012 c12 27A Bittersweet Liar
This is f**king Awesome!
I loved it very much3
Sorry for using crude words, but I truly really enjoyed reading this D
I love the way you wrote it
27A Bittersweet LiarThis is f**king Awesome!
I loved it very much3
Sorry for using crude words, but I truly really enjoyed reading this D
I love the way you wrote it
6/5/2012 c12 4Metella
Are you going to write any more? :3
I would love to see Kaldur going to his ceremony. Also, he went through a terrible ordeal, and he's going to need some time to recover mentally. Some comfort scenes with M'gann would be so sweet. It's puzzling that even though he said he'd be more open, he asked her not to tell anyone. I was also kind of confused as to why Tula didn't come on the rescue with them, and that Kaldur had no reaction whatsoever to Wally's (typical) opinion of her.
4MetellaAre you going to write any more? :3
I would love to see Kaldur going to his ceremony. Also, he went through a terrible ordeal, and he's going to need some time to recover mentally. Some comfort scenes with M'gann would be so sweet. It's puzzling that even though he said he'd be more open, he asked her not to tell anyone. I was also kind of confused as to why Tula didn't come on the rescue with them, and that Kaldur had no reaction whatsoever to Wally's (typical) opinion of her.
6/5/2012 c11 Metella
Awww, I thought they were going to call on some sea critters to save them. ;_;
. . . I know Garth can do that in Teen Titans. Is that a rare Atlantean ability, or not . . .?
Awww, I thought they were going to call on some sea critters to save them. ;_;
. . . I know Garth can do that in Teen Titans. Is that a rare Atlantean ability, or not . . .?
6/5/2012 c10 Metella
"I bet you just kept your mouth shut like the good little soldier you are."
Whoops, there goes another piece of my heart.
I was expecting some heavier angst from the team, given that they thought Kal might be *DEAD* . . .
"I bet you just kept your mouth shut like the good little soldier you are."
Whoops, there goes another piece of my heart.
I was expecting some heavier angst from the team, given that they thought Kal might be *DEAD* . . .
6/5/2012 c7 Metella
Heh, I loved Kaldur's bed.
The final scene was very abrupt, and almost felt slightly forced. I would have liked the focus to be on the team's worry for him, and how it develops, not influenced by something like that. But, otherwise, I liked this.
As I often do, I found myself wanting to smack Wally.
Heh, I loved Kaldur's bed.
The final scene was very abrupt, and almost felt slightly forced. I would have liked the focus to be on the team's worry for him, and how it develops, not influenced by something like that. But, otherwise, I liked this.
As I often do, I found myself wanting to smack Wally.