for Simple is as simple does untill the end11/27/2011 c1 
19Tibbins
Hey :) This could be lovely and sweet. I really like the ideas. Maybe you could get a beta? Just 'cause there were a few grammatical and tense issues. I don't want to be mean I really did like it. Just if you could go through it with someone and edit a few things.
Keep writing ^.^
19TibbinsHey :) This could be lovely and sweet. I really like the ideas. Maybe you could get a beta? Just 'cause there were a few grammatical and tense issues. I don't want to be mean I really did like it. Just if you could go through it with someone and edit a few things.
Keep writing ^.^
11/24/2011 c1 CeCe
YAY! Cute story! and...HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
YAY! Cute story! and...HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
11/24/2011 c1 28Miss Enthusiasimal
Okay so this review is strictly constructive criticism. This chapter really needed to be read over a couple of times to weed out the mistakes.
"would willing give there life for the kingdom or for there king"
The second 'there' should be their
"He did though, I should point out, to a point, but"
You've changed from third person, ie he, she, they, to first person, ie I, we, me. And the "Point out, to a point" just sits wrong to me. Maybe "He did though, to a point." instead?
"to the day, the day of Lamias."
The 's' on the end of "Lamias". I think either it's not meant to be there or there is meant to be a 'the' in front of it.
"He knew the knights were under a spell the whole time, but still the fact they said what they did, done what they done"
You put "were under a spell", that should probably be in past tense, so maybe "the knights had been under a spell the whole time" would be better?
And the "done what they done" should probably be "done what they'd done".
"they thought, well just maybe, things are okay now"
The tense is wrong again. Unless this is the exact words that they're thinking, in which there would have to be no "well just maybe" and the thing that they actually thought could be in italics or using "" or ''
These sorts of things happen many more times. Also..
"I noticed that your uncomftable"
And a few things that the characters say are too modern (but that's just my opinion) like we Arthur says "antsy" I don't think that was a term they used back then...but what do I know really? It just didn't sit right with me.
So just keep in mind that I really liked the idea, BUT there could be improvements. I hope you don't take any of this in offence :) I really only mean it as constructive criticism. Hell, I've got to keep correcting my spelling of criticism :P I keep typing it wrong.
28Miss EnthusiasimalOkay so this review is strictly constructive criticism. This chapter really needed to be read over a couple of times to weed out the mistakes.
"would willing give there life for the kingdom or for there king"
The second 'there' should be their
"He did though, I should point out, to a point, but"
You've changed from third person, ie he, she, they, to first person, ie I, we, me. And the "Point out, to a point" just sits wrong to me. Maybe "He did though, to a point." instead?
"to the day, the day of Lamias."
The 's' on the end of "Lamias". I think either it's not meant to be there or there is meant to be a 'the' in front of it.
"He knew the knights were under a spell the whole time, but still the fact they said what they did, done what they done"
You put "were under a spell", that should probably be in past tense, so maybe "the knights had been under a spell the whole time" would be better?
And the "done what they done" should probably be "done what they'd done".
"they thought, well just maybe, things are okay now"
The tense is wrong again. Unless this is the exact words that they're thinking, in which there would have to be no "well just maybe" and the thing that they actually thought could be in italics or using "" or ''
These sorts of things happen many more times. Also..
"I noticed that your uncomftable"
And a few things that the characters say are too modern (but that's just my opinion) like we Arthur says "antsy" I don't think that was a term they used back then...but what do I know really? It just didn't sit right with me.
So just keep in mind that I really liked the idea, BUT there could be improvements. I hope you don't take any of this in offence :) I really only mean it as constructive criticism. Hell, I've got to keep correcting my spelling of criticism :P I keep typing it wrong.
11/23/2011 c1 17TheNightFury
Hmmm, interesting take on this. At furst I thought they were going to hurt Merlin then was all like 'they wouldn't do that' lol. Very well done, I enjoyed reading this
17TheNightFuryHmmm, interesting take on this. At furst I thought they were going to hurt Merlin then was all like 'they wouldn't do that' lol. Very well done, I enjoyed reading this