for Strangers Like Me3/11 c12 Ashleigh Piccinino
Keep updating. This is the first time I've read this story; been busy with college and all. Good job; however, your writing needs improvement. Maybe try to construct your sentences in a different way (I.E) some complex/coumpound, complex/simple, regular simple and complex. You would make more sense, and I am not trying to be mean, but you would make more sense if you read a little more on grammar and stuff like that before posting. Maybe draft a couple times that way you know where you want things to go. Great use of imagery though. You present the people, describe the place, and stuff like that pretty good; nees work though.
Keep updating. This is the first time I've read this story; been busy with college and all. Good job; however, your writing needs improvement. Maybe try to construct your sentences in a different way (I.E) some complex/coumpound, complex/simple, regular simple and complex. You would make more sense, and I am not trying to be mean, but you would make more sense if you read a little more on grammar and stuff like that before posting. Maybe draft a couple times that way you know where you want things to go. Great use of imagery though. You present the people, describe the place, and stuff like that pretty good; nees work though.
3/11 c8 Ashleigh Piccinino
He needs a good slap on the rump and no sugary sweets before bed, and certainly not for a meal.
He needs a good slap on the rump and no sugary sweets before bed, and certainly not for a meal.
3/11 c6 Ashleigh Piccinino
Wouldn't Jenora be a girl's name? Does it mean anything special? What's that ogre magic stuff all about anyway? I do not guess I get the whole Aria or however you spell it thing. Is there a story somewhere that tells all this, so that maybe I can read it first before I read the rest of these?
Wouldn't Jenora be a girl's name? Does it mean anything special? What's that ogre magic stuff all about anyway? I do not guess I get the whole Aria or however you spell it thing. Is there a story somewhere that tells all this, so that maybe I can read it first before I read the rest of these?
3/11 c5 Ashleigh Piccinino
Hey, at least the boys are trying to keep the other kids from gaining weight. I appreciate them for this, and think they should keep doing what they are doing. However, why can't they take the hint they seem to be giving and stop eating all the tooth rotting stuff as well? That seems like they're hipocritical I guess.
Hey, at least the boys are trying to keep the other kids from gaining weight. I appreciate them for this, and think they should keep doing what they are doing. However, why can't they take the hint they seem to be giving and stop eating all the tooth rotting stuff as well? That seems like they're hipocritical I guess.
3/11 c4 Ashleigh Piccinino
That seemed too short. Keep updating, and work on your writing. I am not meaning to be mean or anything, but you could do so much better.
That seemed too short. Keep updating, and work on your writing. I am not meaning to be mean or anything, but you could do so much better.
3/11 c2 Ashleigh Piccinino
It can be hard to do that, trust others if you do not know them. Keep updating.
It can be hard to do that, trust others if you do not know them. Keep updating.
782/1/2012 c6 Inyunaruto365
Nice chapter, Carley! Poor Izz. I know he'll get better soon. Glad Jen's back since Ogre Child missed him so much.
I wonder what's going to happen next in this story?
Keep going!
Nice chapter, Carley! Poor Izz. I know he'll get better soon. Glad Jen's back since Ogre Child missed him so much.
I wonder what's going to happen next in this story?
Keep going!
1/29/2012 c5 Inyunaruto365
I see you added the thing we were talking about a while ago before my classes began. I like it. Haven't seen this in a while.
I wonder what's going to happen next in this chapter?
Keep going!
I see you added the thing we were talking about a while ago before my classes began. I like it. Haven't seen this in a while.
I wonder what's going to happen next in this chapter?
Keep going!
12/18/2011 c2 Inyunaruto365
Oh, sure, make Fiona the bad guy. LOL. Great chapters, though, Carley. I wonder what's going to happen next as you continue with this. I didn't know what I said made you write this.
Keep going! This is getting good!
Oh, sure, make Fiona the bad guy. LOL. Great chapters, though, Carley. I wonder what's going to happen next as you continue with this. I didn't know what I said made you write this.
Keep going! This is getting good!