for Fragile5/21 c12 Guest
Keep writing. It's an interesting story. I see it's been a long time since you updated, like 10 months, so you better have not given up on this. Don't leave us hanging.
Keep writing. It's an interesting story. I see it's been a long time since you updated, like 10 months, so you better have not given up on this. Don't leave us hanging.
5/13 c1 
1Maximum Burst
please update soon what happens next between Jaden and Jun do they take their relationship further. Will the parents finally stop her brother from abusing her and for god sacks will syrus finally get a any way please update soon
1Maximum Burstplease update soon what happens next between Jaden and Jun do they take their relationship further. Will the parents finally stop her brother from abusing her and for god sacks will syrus finally get a any way please update soon
8/16/2012 c12 2BlueStar Sapphire - ProtoZero
I'm a lovin this story!
I also love your pic's as well, mind showing me your collection?
2BlueStar Sapphire - ProtoZeroI'm a lovin this story!
I also love your pic's as well, mind showing me your collection?
7/29/2012 c12 Guest
what a relief! I loved how jun was having thoughts at the end XDD
not to annoy but I love love LOVE your picture and icon (and I don't know if they're the same!xD) would you please tell where they're from? Please? I really love them. u
what a relief! I loved how jun was having thoughts at the end XDD
not to annoy but I love love LOVE your picture and icon (and I don't know if they're the same!xD) would you please tell where they're from? Please? I really love them. u
7/25/2012 c12 1ukume7
Wow I want a royal bathrobe too! xD
I liked the idea of the so called best friend raping his girlfriend. It’s cruel but still…
‘’ they knocked me down from behind ‘’ sounds a bit dirty ne? xD
Finally Jun’s mother have some guts phew though ho she isn’t able to deal with her son is a puzzle to me. Oh well at least there’s Jaden.
Jun’s night gown is on your avatar so cute!
“I’m not a hero! I’m just a zero!” Hey that rhymes! D
Jaden is so innocent but his behavior while beating Shoji reminded me of Hao. Golden eyes yay! I actually have the similar happen in my story what a coincidence
Keep up the good work I like your story very much! :3
1ukume7Wow I want a royal bathrobe too! xD
I liked the idea of the so called best friend raping his girlfriend. It’s cruel but still…
‘’ they knocked me down from behind ‘’ sounds a bit dirty ne? xD
Finally Jun’s mother have some guts phew though ho she isn’t able to deal with her son is a puzzle to me. Oh well at least there’s Jaden.
Jun’s night gown is on your avatar so cute!
“I’m not a hero! I’m just a zero!” Hey that rhymes! D
Jaden is so innocent but his behavior while beating Shoji reminded me of Hao. Golden eyes yay! I actually have the similar happen in my story what a coincidence
Keep up the good work I like your story very much! :3
7/24/2012 c12 Gillia878
I think this is highly out of character for Jun and her (his) brother. Violence I can understand, there's signs of that in the anime. There's signs of verbal, mental, and physical abuse - but not of a sexual nature - in the way they interact. However, you can tell that Jun still holds some respect for his brothers, if only for the sake of sticking by his family and bringing pride to their name. If the mother was any kind of mother she'd put a stop to this herself either by alerting the father or taking a ball bat to her jerk of son, the last thing she'd do is go run to a minor like Jaden and tell him to fix the mess she'd allowed her family to fall into. And even if your plan is to have Jaden save her, do you really -have- to let things carry on -that- far before he finally comes to the rescue? I think you're putting too much detail into the disturbing (and frankly disgusting) parts of the story and not enough emphasis on the actual pairing.
You had a good idea with the genderbending here, it could have made things interesting to see how the series would have played out from this new angle, but you went too far with the incest and rape. Honestly, you can have a good edgy story without molesting anybody. It's a cookie cutter plot that rarely ever enhances a story, most times it just ruins what could have been a promising fanfic.
I was really enjoying your story at first. You did a good job turning Jun into a girl while still keeping her personality snobbish yet not overly proper. I could read about the character and still tell it was Jun. Jaden's character seems to be pretty well described. I can imagine him not wanting to deflower Jun because he'd want it to be special and not rushed. He'd probably be a clueless gentleman like you've written. I could have done without the bit about him witnessing a rape though. That just doesn't strike me as something that could be lurking in happy-go-lucky Jaden's past without doing some serious damage to his psyche (just look at what happened when he thought Johan being stranded/captured was his fault).
This is meant to be constructive criticism. Just an honest review of what I liked and disliked about your story. I still like the pairing, I'm just not a fan of the way you're portraying them here.
I think this is highly out of character for Jun and her (his) brother. Violence I can understand, there's signs of that in the anime. There's signs of verbal, mental, and physical abuse - but not of a sexual nature - in the way they interact. However, you can tell that Jun still holds some respect for his brothers, if only for the sake of sticking by his family and bringing pride to their name. If the mother was any kind of mother she'd put a stop to this herself either by alerting the father or taking a ball bat to her jerk of son, the last thing she'd do is go run to a minor like Jaden and tell him to fix the mess she'd allowed her family to fall into. And even if your plan is to have Jaden save her, do you really -have- to let things carry on -that- far before he finally comes to the rescue? I think you're putting too much detail into the disturbing (and frankly disgusting) parts of the story and not enough emphasis on the actual pairing.
You had a good idea with the genderbending here, it could have made things interesting to see how the series would have played out from this new angle, but you went too far with the incest and rape. Honestly, you can have a good edgy story without molesting anybody. It's a cookie cutter plot that rarely ever enhances a story, most times it just ruins what could have been a promising fanfic.
I was really enjoying your story at first. You did a good job turning Jun into a girl while still keeping her personality snobbish yet not overly proper. I could read about the character and still tell it was Jun. Jaden's character seems to be pretty well described. I can imagine him not wanting to deflower Jun because he'd want it to be special and not rushed. He'd probably be a clueless gentleman like you've written. I could have done without the bit about him witnessing a rape though. That just doesn't strike me as something that could be lurking in happy-go-lucky Jaden's past without doing some serious damage to his psyche (just look at what happened when he thought Johan being stranded/captured was his fault).
This is meant to be constructive criticism. Just an honest review of what I liked and disliked about your story. I still like the pairing, I'm just not a fan of the way you're portraying them here.
7/24/2012 c12 3ThePathUntaken
EFF WORD YEAH! You rock, Jaden! Poor Maria, though.
JADEN! YOU CAN REPORT YOUR FORMER BEST FRIEND TO THE FUZZ!
3ThePathUntakenEFF WORD YEAH! You rock, Jaden! Poor Maria, though.
JADEN! YOU CAN REPORT YOUR FORMER BEST FRIEND TO THE FUZZ!
7/21/2012 c11 Somebody
Where's the next part?
I like you're story very much! And poor Jun!
Where's the next part?
I like you're story very much! And poor Jun!
7/20/2012 c11 Guest
AHHHHH! It's getting intense! Please update faster? I've this story 3 times already.
Cheers!
AHHHHH! It's getting intense! Please update faster? I've this story 3 times already.
Cheers!
7/15/2012 c11 1ukume7
Wow what an angsty chapter… Anyway Shoji you bastard burn in hell! Hehe…
Is it me or Syrus really started coming at the most xxxx parts? xD
God Jaden you’re such a gentleman, Jun is practically begging you to deflower her and you’re still keeping respect to her. Poor girl her brother is such a bastard. Her mother is no better not taking proper care of such a delicate flower at least there’s Jaden. :3
Drago is on board again!Yay!
Wonder what the trio will give each other for X-mas?
1ukume7Wow what an angsty chapter… Anyway Shoji you bastard burn in hell! Hehe…
Is it me or Syrus really started coming at the most xxxx parts? xD
God Jaden you’re such a gentleman, Jun is practically begging you to deflower her and you’re still keeping respect to her. Poor girl her brother is such a bastard. Her mother is no better not taking proper care of such a delicate flower at least there’s Jaden. :3
Drago is on board again!Yay!
Wonder what the trio will give each other for X-mas?
7/9/2012 c10 Guest
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO JUN!
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO JUN!
7/8/2012 c9 Guest
Hehehehehehehehe when I read that part where. Jaden said 'i would miss the whole lesson anyway, no matter if I'm present or not ' , I thought it said ' I would miss the whole lesson anyway, no matter if I'm PREGNANT or not.' I lafed like an idiot. Sorry I can't remember howto spell lafe
Hehehehehehehehe when I read that part where. Jaden said 'i would miss the whole lesson anyway, no matter if I'm present or not ' , I thought it said ' I would miss the whole lesson anyway, no matter if I'm PREGNANT or not.' I lafed like an idiot. Sorry I can't remember howto spell lafe
7/8/2012 c10 Njordy
Why she be so sad?:( abusive brother perhaps ? a well I really liked this hole gender bender concept defiantly follow this story
Why she be so sad?:( abusive brother perhaps ? a well I really liked this hole gender bender concept defiantly follow this story
7/8/2012 c10 ukume7
Who would have thought that Jaden could be horny and at the same time almost clueless about it. xD Jaden you horndog better not take advantage of little Jun here.
Fubuki cares for Jun like a sister cute!
I’m curious about that brother of Jun’s. If he did something to the raven, Jaden will kick his ** to no tomorrow ne? :3
Syrus you pipsqueak ruined such a moment. P.s No offence to little blunette here
Who would have thought that Jaden could be horny and at the same time almost clueless about it. xD Jaden you horndog better not take advantage of little Jun here.
Fubuki cares for Jun like a sister cute!
I’m curious about that brother of Jun’s. If he did something to the raven, Jaden will kick his ** to no tomorrow ne? :3
Syrus you pipsqueak ruined such a moment. P.s No offence to little blunette here