for Mass Effect: Massive Shock4/14 c1 Lazurman
Wow. This is a damn good entry to a multi-reality-hopping S/I. I should be taking notes!
Wow. This is a damn good entry to a multi-reality-hopping S/I. I should be taking notes!
4/7 c4 Teufel
I really liked the first three chapters, although I wasn't all that familiar with BioShock. Then came chapter four and I had to ask myself, if it was even the same story. I'm sorry, but I'll not be reading further.
I really liked the first three chapters, although I wasn't all that familiar with BioShock. Then came chapter four and I had to ask myself, if it was even the same story. I'm sorry, but I'll not be reading further.
1/4 c21 
6Archer83
Somehow I had forgotten about this incredible story, my bad. I see you already started the sequel, looks like I have a bit of catching up to do! And Alex? Really? You had me SO CLOSE to thinking I was right about Nelyna after all. Then my jaw dropped to the floor. Well played Mockingbird, well played. :)
6Archer83Somehow I had forgotten about this incredible story, my bad. I see you already started the sequel, looks like I have a bit of catching up to do! And Alex? Really? You had me SO CLOSE to thinking I was right about Nelyna after all. Then my jaw dropped to the floor. Well played Mockingbird, well played. :)
12/30/2012 c37 Jake Bakerson
Just want to say thank you for a good - and long - read.
It gets hard to find stories on this website sometimes. But when i find good stories that keep me entertained and hooked to my phone, I know the search was worth it. It isn't very often I forget that I am reading something that a fan has made too. Really good job!
Great character development in all of the OCs. They all felt very worthwhile and had a large amount of substance to them. I think that your own character is... well pretty bad-ass. It's good to find a self-insert where the main character isn't just there for a ride. Robert Jackson is very unique and I do appreciate his character. And he's pretty smart too, which I find
One of my favorites is Tyrannax. I think that when you had him go through the action in his near indestructible armour, it was totally in his element. All the weapons and armour he makes are sweet. And I love that he does the whole home-made schematic projects.
I love the porn-star Turian, Vaga. (That sounded strange). I initially thought that he was going to be a massive pain in the arse, and figured him for a back-stabber. I was pleasantly and happily surprised though, and he is up there with the Krogan.
Bit all of your characters are very unorthodox, like a ten foot Krogan who is a massive wimp. But, again, it doesn't feel like a pain to read.
If I am honest I get a little bit annoyed by Shi'ira, and sometimes find her a bit of a small fry and seems unnecessary, especially when there are other characters of your own inventions that feel a lot more developed and stronger than her. That doesnt mean I groan when I read her chapter though, so don't get me wrong.
I have read the Shepard prologue and think that you've done an amazing job of putting a person behind the man that is normally controlled by a joystick. Great way of making him more than "Paragon/Renegade". A deeply troubled man who seems haunted by his past. If you keep on writing like the prologue I wouldn't mind a Shepard point of view.
I like the idea of multiple universes coming together. That your character has already been in the Bioshock world and has stepped into this one. The man with Adam Jensen arms? Sounds like an interesting dynamic to me.
But to wrap up. Because I'm babbling. Great story. Fantastic characters, both major and minor. Good writing. And I get to look forward to a sequel. Thank you for the great read!
Just want to say thank you for a good - and long - read.
It gets hard to find stories on this website sometimes. But when i find good stories that keep me entertained and hooked to my phone, I know the search was worth it. It isn't very often I forget that I am reading something that a fan has made too. Really good job!
Great character development in all of the OCs. They all felt very worthwhile and had a large amount of substance to them. I think that your own character is... well pretty bad-ass. It's good to find a self-insert where the main character isn't just there for a ride. Robert Jackson is very unique and I do appreciate his character. And he's pretty smart too, which I find
One of my favorites is Tyrannax. I think that when you had him go through the action in his near indestructible armour, it was totally in his element. All the weapons and armour he makes are sweet. And I love that he does the whole home-made schematic projects.
I love the porn-star Turian, Vaga. (That sounded strange). I initially thought that he was going to be a massive pain in the arse, and figured him for a back-stabber. I was pleasantly and happily surprised though, and he is up there with the Krogan.
Bit all of your characters are very unorthodox, like a ten foot Krogan who is a massive wimp. But, again, it doesn't feel like a pain to read.
If I am honest I get a little bit annoyed by Shi'ira, and sometimes find her a bit of a small fry and seems unnecessary, especially when there are other characters of your own inventions that feel a lot more developed and stronger than her. That doesnt mean I groan when I read her chapter though, so don't get me wrong.
I have read the Shepard prologue and think that you've done an amazing job of putting a person behind the man that is normally controlled by a joystick. Great way of making him more than "Paragon/Renegade". A deeply troubled man who seems haunted by his past. If you keep on writing like the prologue I wouldn't mind a Shepard point of view.
I like the idea of multiple universes coming together. That your character has already been in the Bioshock world and has stepped into this one. The man with Adam Jensen arms? Sounds like an interesting dynamic to me.
But to wrap up. Because I'm babbling. Great story. Fantastic characters, both major and minor. Good writing. And I get to look forward to a sequel. Thank you for the great read!
9/23/2012 c36 1Atticus Goodfellow
Speaking of Talimancers, I've noticed that a lot of authors do that in their fics. One thing that put me off from Masses to Masses is that right at the beginning of the fic he states his plan of getting with Tali and hooking up Shepard and Garrus. It made it very obvious what was going to happen to his relationship with the original character obvious. As soon as it was time for the first game to start, the girl he's in a relationship with is kidnapped and killed and he's suddenly available to be with Tali. Which is what happens in just a few chapters. And coincidentally she wants to be with him. And coincidentally Garrus likes Shepard and Shepard likes Garrus. Just like he planned.
Personally, I prefer there to be no romance at all. Don't get me wrong, what you've done with yours has been fine. More than fine even. You went with an original character, so it wasn't cliche, and you actually made the relationship add to the adventure.
Still, some of the best stories out there don't have romance. Make a Wish by Rorschach's Blot is a great example. Chalk-full of adventure with no romance. There are times when you see potential for one to happen, but it never happens because that's the last thing he's thinking about while trying to stay alive and beat the bad guy. And it works great.
So my point is this: Maybe you should consider not starting up another relationship. Maybe always hint like there could be, so there's always that tension. Or maybe have the fic-you decide that it's not worth it since you could be ripped from this universe to some other Bioware verse at any moment like you have been twice already. Either way, no one will roll their eyes at some overused romance if there is no romance.
That's my two cents anyway.
1Atticus GoodfellowSpeaking of Talimancers, I've noticed that a lot of authors do that in their fics. One thing that put me off from Masses to Masses is that right at the beginning of the fic he states his plan of getting with Tali and hooking up Shepard and Garrus. It made it very obvious what was going to happen to his relationship with the original character obvious. As soon as it was time for the first game to start, the girl he's in a relationship with is kidnapped and killed and he's suddenly available to be with Tali. Which is what happens in just a few chapters. And coincidentally she wants to be with him. And coincidentally Garrus likes Shepard and Shepard likes Garrus. Just like he planned.
Personally, I prefer there to be no romance at all. Don't get me wrong, what you've done with yours has been fine. More than fine even. You went with an original character, so it wasn't cliche, and you actually made the relationship add to the adventure.
Still, some of the best stories out there don't have romance. Make a Wish by Rorschach's Blot is a great example. Chalk-full of adventure with no romance. There are times when you see potential for one to happen, but it never happens because that's the last thing he's thinking about while trying to stay alive and beat the bad guy. And it works great.
So my point is this: Maybe you should consider not starting up another relationship. Maybe always hint like there could be, so there's always that tension. Or maybe have the fic-you decide that it's not worth it since you could be ripped from this universe to some other Bioware verse at any moment like you have been twice already. Either way, no one will roll their eyes at some overused romance if there is no romance.
That's my two cents anyway.
9/21/2012 c37 Lay Down Hunter
I hate Talimancer's -_- Oh and brilliant story! Can't wait for the next part! Way better than other story's I've read
I hate Talimancer's -_- Oh and brilliant story! Can't wait for the next part! Way better than other story's I've read
9/11/2012 c37 Atticus Goodfellow
You have a rare talent my friend. I spend what seems like an eternity sifting through hundreds of fanfics for anything good. Usually the ones that have potential to be good end up rapidly degrading. Whether the author never really had a plan going into the writing, or they're really not good at characterization. There are hundreds of mistakes I've seen authors make. One that I've seen happen a lot is when the author adds a romance partway through the story and as soon as the two characters get together, there's really nothing more to write about it and the whole story comes to a halt. It's like they forgot the story was about saving the world or stopping the bad guy.
You didn't let your characters' romance hurt your story. In fact, it added to the action by giving your character another reason to fight. So I say well done.
You've kept everything well paced and interesting through the this first part of your story. I'm really excited to see where you'll take things.
You have a rare talent my friend. I spend what seems like an eternity sifting through hundreds of fanfics for anything good. Usually the ones that have potential to be good end up rapidly degrading. Whether the author never really had a plan going into the writing, or they're really not good at characterization. There are hundreds of mistakes I've seen authors make. One that I've seen happen a lot is when the author adds a romance partway through the story and as soon as the two characters get together, there's really nothing more to write about it and the whole story comes to a halt. It's like they forgot the story was about saving the world or stopping the bad guy.
You didn't let your characters' romance hurt your story. In fact, it added to the action by giving your character another reason to fight. So I say well done.
You've kept everything well paced and interesting through the this first part of your story. I'm really excited to see where you'll take things.
9/6/2012 c37 1hab67t
This is probably the best thing i've read, it's better than most of the mass effect books at least, you shouldn't need to ask us to read the sequel as you should know we will.
Keep up the incredible work.
:D
1hab67tThis is probably the best thing i've read, it's better than most of the mass effect books at least, you shouldn't need to ask us to read the sequel as you should know we will.
Keep up the incredible work.
:D