for What Not To Do In An LotR Fic11/16/2012 c1 
1horsegrl789
I agree with everything on this list...EXCEPT the one about love at first sight. I am one to say that it very much does exist, and I know this because I have experienced it. You don't have to believe me when I say that, I know it sounds crazy, but I didn't believe it could happen either, until it happened to me...Otherwise, great list :) I have to say, my story violates a few of these rules...a few slip ups with modern language and such, but that's ok with me :) Thanks for the great guidelines!
1horsegrl789I agree with everything on this list...EXCEPT the one about love at first sight. I am one to say that it very much does exist, and I know this because I have experienced it. You don't have to believe me when I say that, I know it sounds crazy, but I didn't believe it could happen either, until it happened to me...Otherwise, great list :) I have to say, my story violates a few of these rules...a few slip ups with modern language and such, but that's ok with me :) Thanks for the great guidelines!
9/19/2012 c2 5Ynnealay
Nindë Eámanë Elwing Tasartir!?
"I swear by the Valar that she is more fair than Lúthien!"!?
her voice was as soft as silk, and so entrancing,!?
it was as if she was peering into the very depths of his soul!?
He forgot all about the Ring on his neck when he was in her presence.!?
Seriously, that is horrible, just horrible. But since it's a parody, I just have to say: YOU ARE AWESOME! This was so funny! :D
5YnnealayNindë Eámanë Elwing Tasartir!?
"I swear by the Valar that she is more fair than Lúthien!"!?
her voice was as soft as silk, and so entrancing,!?
it was as if she was peering into the very depths of his soul!?
He forgot all about the Ring on his neck when he was in her presence.!?
Seriously, that is horrible, just horrible. But since it's a parody, I just have to say: YOU ARE AWESOME! This was so funny! :D
9/19/2012 c1 Ynnealay
Great list, except with the "Do NOT write ANY "love at first sight" fics. EVER. It doesn't exist. Sorry." line. In the appendices (or however you spell them) of Return of The King, it was said that Aragorn fell in love with Arwen as soon as he saw her and wanted to marry her from that moment. And then, after seeing Aragorn dressed as an elf lord many years later, Arwen fell in love with him back at *second* sight, but you know what I mean.
Great list, except with the "Do NOT write ANY "love at first sight" fics. EVER. It doesn't exist. Sorry." line. In the appendices (or however you spell them) of Return of The King, it was said that Aragorn fell in love with Arwen as soon as he saw her and wanted to marry her from that moment. And then, after seeing Aragorn dressed as an elf lord many years later, Arwen fell in love with him back at *second* sight, but you know what I mean.
7/26/2012 c1 Tegi
Thank you for writing this. Now, all we need is for it to be a requirement to read this before posting any Lord of the Rings stories. I am especially appreciative of number eight, which reads: If you must write a self-insert, PLEASE make it realistic. Would you really be able to immediately beat Aragorn in a sword fight? Didn't think so.
This is an excellent point. Also, even if the person was trained in sword fighting since the moment they could hold a stick, the self-insert *still* wouldn't be able to beat Aragorn because:
1) Aragorn also trained from an extremely young age.
2) Aragorn is 87 years old, and most self inserts are somewhere between the ages of thirteen and twenty.
3) Assuming the self-insert is female, it is actually impossible for her to build up the chest muscles that a man can, simply because of how the female body is set up.
Sorry. As you can probably tell, that's my main pet peeve. If I ever post any of my stories, I'll be sure to use this as a "What NOT to Do" checklist!
Tegi
Thank you for writing this. Now, all we need is for it to be a requirement to read this before posting any Lord of the Rings stories. I am especially appreciative of number eight, which reads: If you must write a self-insert, PLEASE make it realistic. Would you really be able to immediately beat Aragorn in a sword fight? Didn't think so.
This is an excellent point. Also, even if the person was trained in sword fighting since the moment they could hold a stick, the self-insert *still* wouldn't be able to beat Aragorn because:
1) Aragorn also trained from an extremely young age.
2) Aragorn is 87 years old, and most self inserts are somewhere between the ages of thirteen and twenty.
3) Assuming the self-insert is female, it is actually impossible for her to build up the chest muscles that a man can, simply because of how the female body is set up.
Sorry. As you can probably tell, that's my main pet peeve. If I ever post any of my stories, I'll be sure to use this as a "What NOT to Do" checklist!
Tegi
4/21/2012 c1 lostmypen120
*Cringe* I find myself using the word 'said' a lot. And my 'humor' is a bit, well, not really funny.
Thanks for this! Really helpful.
*Cringe* I find myself using the word 'said' a lot. And my 'humor' is a bit, well, not really funny.
Thanks for this! Really helpful.
4/13/2012 c2 2Silvertongued Dreams
FAIR MAIDEN? She ain't fair! She is African! *LOLZ*
Great job, you two! You should do this for PotC as well!
2Silvertongued DreamsFAIR MAIDEN? She ain't fair! She is African! *LOLZ*
Great job, you two! You should do this for PotC as well!
2/9/2012 c1 4Lindir's Ghost
Here, here!
I was looking for something half decent to read just now, and scrolling through the "girl/group of attractive female friends dropping into ME" (I hate that: it's called Middle-earth) took far longer than it used to. Does no-one write stories involving just the characters anymore? There used to be so many on this site ... perhaps I'm showing my age.
I heartily agree with you on all fronts. Yes! I'm proud to say I suffer from grammar OCD. If the writer can't be bothered to make it readable, then why should we bother deciphering whatever it is they are trying to say?
Legolas would not fall in love with a beautiful-and-tormented-by-her-past-trained-assassin-girl sent to slay Aragorn. He'd stick an arrow in her backside. There's another rule for you.
Ghost
4Lindir's GhostHere, here!
I was looking for something half decent to read just now, and scrolling through the "girl/group of attractive female friends dropping into ME" (I hate that: it's called Middle-earth) took far longer than it used to. Does no-one write stories involving just the characters anymore? There used to be so many on this site ... perhaps I'm showing my age.
I heartily agree with you on all fronts. Yes! I'm proud to say I suffer from grammar OCD. If the writer can't be bothered to make it readable, then why should we bother deciphering whatever it is they are trying to say?
Legolas would not fall in love with a beautiful-and-tormented-by-her-past-trained-assassin-girl sent to slay Aragorn. He'd stick an arrow in her backside. There's another rule for you.
Ghost
2/8/2012 c2 3Elf from Downunder
I just hate Mary - Sues!
This is a perfect example of one, great job! I can't imagine how horrible it would've been to write it! :) I seriously think I've lost a quarter of my brain cells!
3Elf from DownunderI just hate Mary - Sues!
This is a perfect example of one, great job! I can't imagine how horrible it would've been to write it! :) I seriously think I've lost a quarter of my brain cells!
2/8/2012 c2 3Define X
Ahaha! She is just AWFUL. You forgot to mention that she can take down the most seasoned warrior with a smirk and two arms tied behind her back. ;) Very sadly, I think I have actually read worse. Oh, the poor inhabitants of Middle-earth... :P
On that note, nice job! I can't imagine how painful this must have been to write... or how fun. :)
3Define XAhaha! She is just AWFUL. You forgot to mention that she can take down the most seasoned warrior with a smirk and two arms tied behind her back. ;) Very sadly, I think I have actually read worse. Oh, the poor inhabitants of Middle-earth... :P
On that note, nice job! I can't imagine how painful this must have been to write... or how fun. :)
2/8/2012 c1 silverswath
Great rules! Unfortunately as with most things that make sense, the people who need to read and internalize them will not read them.
Great rules! Unfortunately as with most things that make sense, the people who need to read and internalize them will not read them.
2/8/2012 c2 5Minstrel of Ainur
For Ainur's sake LOL!
It is true that many either repeat the names too many times or give their OC names that are too long and it just bleeds teh reader's eyes!
And no way any elf could be fairer than Lúthien ;)
Lúthien and Beren are legend :D
5Minstrel of AinurFor Ainur's sake LOL!
It is true that many either repeat the names too many times or give their OC names that are too long and it just bleeds teh reader's eyes!
And no way any elf could be fairer than Lúthien ;)
Lúthien and Beren are legend :D
2/7/2012 c2 14K Finance
This was cringe worthy. But the Valar can have children (sort of). Not in the way humans have children but Yavanna made the Ents and another of the Valar made the Dwarvs. But they aren't Iuvatar so they (the Ents and Dwarvs) were not sentient till Iluvatar fixed their mistake. So really your right! Anyone who simply says "such and such was more beautiful then Luthien because she was the daughter of Manwe and Varda" are wrong to the point that they probably don't even know who Manwe and Varda are and don't use their names.
That was fun! Can you tell that I am currently trying to study for the Tolkien english midterm? XD
14K FinanceThis was cringe worthy. But the Valar can have children (sort of). Not in the way humans have children but Yavanna made the Ents and another of the Valar made the Dwarvs. But they aren't Iuvatar so they (the Ents and Dwarvs) were not sentient till Iluvatar fixed their mistake. So really your right! Anyone who simply says "such and such was more beautiful then Luthien because she was the daughter of Manwe and Varda" are wrong to the point that they probably don't even know who Manwe and Varda are and don't use their names.
That was fun! Can you tell that I am currently trying to study for the Tolkien english midterm? XD
1/20/2012 c1 4littledragoneyes
Great guide! I wish I could just take this all and shove it in some horrible author's face. That would be highly amusing and rewarding.
Hmmm...let's see...uh..
I'm not sure that this relates to your list, but I have always felt bad for Bill the Pony. Technically, if there's a tenth walker, the OC should be an eleventh walker. Bill counts, even if he can't talk!
Update!
4littledragoneyesGreat guide! I wish I could just take this all and shove it in some horrible author's face. That would be highly amusing and rewarding.
Hmmm...let's see...uh..
I'm not sure that this relates to your list, but I have always felt bad for Bill the Pony. Technically, if there's a tenth walker, the OC should be an eleventh walker. Bill counts, even if he can't talk!
Update!
1/12/2012 c1 2heavenslilagl420
Although you make several valid points in this, it is totally up to the writer/reader in what they write/read.
If you don't like Mary Sue type stories- THEN DON"T READ THEM. some do an thats why they are made!
With the marking the story as AU i can understand some of the things posted.
with the love at first sight i will have agree with you on that it's just not possible unless say you write a cinderella type story and that just wont go to well with LOTR.
ON Humor fic's it's all in if you share the same mind set as the writer.
As for the Valar and Maiar kids, the Maiar had been sent to M.E. by the Valar so why not have there kids be send to M.E to help out too.
Just my opinions on some of the things.
2heavenslilagl420Although you make several valid points in this, it is totally up to the writer/reader in what they write/read.
If you don't like Mary Sue type stories- THEN DON"T READ THEM. some do an thats why they are made!
With the marking the story as AU i can understand some of the things posted.
with the love at first sight i will have agree with you on that it's just not possible unless say you write a cinderella type story and that just wont go to well with LOTR.
ON Humor fic's it's all in if you share the same mind set as the writer.
As for the Valar and Maiar kids, the Maiar had been sent to M.E. by the Valar so why not have there kids be send to M.E to help out too.
Just my opinions on some of the things.
1/8/2012 c1 8DragongirlM
I certainly hope everybody in the LotR fandom (or fanfiction in general) follows this excellent advice.
I have an idea. If your OC has never used a weapon in her entire life, do not make her a natural the moment she picks up a sword/bow/axe. Also, after even a few weeks of training with a blade, you will feel fatigued, sore, and covered in bruises. Becoming an Aragorny sword fighter in two weeks no sweat is just ASKING for Sue-cusations and flames.
8DragongirlMI certainly hope everybody in the LotR fandom (or fanfiction in general) follows this excellent advice.
I have an idea. If your OC has never used a weapon in her entire life, do not make her a natural the moment she picks up a sword/bow/axe. Also, after even a few weeks of training with a blade, you will feel fatigued, sore, and covered in bruises. Becoming an Aragorny sword fighter in two weeks no sweat is just ASKING for Sue-cusations and flames.