for Has it Really Been 10 Years?2/25/2012 c1 
20santsi
The exchange between Jackie, Donna, and Eric in the beginning was priceless. So in character, it's creepy. (Could easily be on the show.) I love it. I'm already hooked. :)
"It's like 350 pages!" Kelso boasted for her. "And she started it, like, yesterday and she's already on page 100!"
Betsy put her hand up in the air. "No, Dad," she groaned. "It's 480 pages and I started it this morning and," she paused to flip the page, "I'm on page 226."
^
So very Kelso. I'd love to see this as an episode. The details are really nice and the chaotic household of children and the gang dropping kids off with Kitty and Red is really cool so far. I can see it in my head so well.
Smiling, Brooke continued; she wasn't too convinced. "And if you need to reach me, the hotel number is on the—"
"Please," plead Kitty. She raised her voice, "I'm a nurse, I have two kids, not to mention four other ones I nearly raised, and five grandchildren. I think I know how to take care of a baby!" Kitty threw her hands up and looked around the crowded living room, hurrying to the corner bar. "I think I need a drink!"
^^
Pfffffffffffftttt hahahahahahahaha! You nailed it!
Fez smiled, thinking for a second about his wife June, a childhood friend from his country back home. "I had to leave her home so I could get here fast enough."
^^
Ohh, from his country back home? I bet she's gorgeous!
"I guess we're not going then," Donna sighed, somewhat with relief, like she didn't want to go in the first place.
"We can have our own reunion of our own then, won't we?" Hyde looked around the room, seeing if anyone else agreed with his cheerful mood. "Who needs to see all of our old enemies—aka girlfriends—anyway? We can just talk about how much we hated them right here and now."
^^ haha. Nailed it again! Man, you are really good at keeping them in character!
The girl crossed her arms and huffed. "I still know that it means they slept together."
"Betsy!" her mother screamed.
^^
Pfffft! Hhahahah! This whole dinner scene has been priceless, but this? Wow. Awesome.
"Like you had a choice," Jackie reminded her. "Don't you remember I was there when—
^
The suspense!
"Uh, guys? Where'd Eric go?" Fez looked around at the group of friends, even Donna didn't know where he went until….
"Daddy!" Charlotte screamed. The family ran back into the living room, the sight of Eric faint on the floor erupting even more laughter.
Red was the only one with a comment: "I guess the dumbass took it well."
^^^
Oh! She's pregnant! And Red's line was priceless. So was Hyde's comment. Really enjoyed this. Wonderful job! :)
20santsiThe exchange between Jackie, Donna, and Eric in the beginning was priceless. So in character, it's creepy. (Could easily be on the show.) I love it. I'm already hooked. :)
"It's like 350 pages!" Kelso boasted for her. "And she started it, like, yesterday and she's already on page 100!"
Betsy put her hand up in the air. "No, Dad," she groaned. "It's 480 pages and I started it this morning and," she paused to flip the page, "I'm on page 226."
^
So very Kelso. I'd love to see this as an episode. The details are really nice and the chaotic household of children and the gang dropping kids off with Kitty and Red is really cool so far. I can see it in my head so well.
Smiling, Brooke continued; she wasn't too convinced. "And if you need to reach me, the hotel number is on the—"
"Please," plead Kitty. She raised her voice, "I'm a nurse, I have two kids, not to mention four other ones I nearly raised, and five grandchildren. I think I know how to take care of a baby!" Kitty threw her hands up and looked around the crowded living room, hurrying to the corner bar. "I think I need a drink!"
^^
Pfffffffffffftttt hahahahahahahaha! You nailed it!
Fez smiled, thinking for a second about his wife June, a childhood friend from his country back home. "I had to leave her home so I could get here fast enough."
^^
Ohh, from his country back home? I bet she's gorgeous!
"I guess we're not going then," Donna sighed, somewhat with relief, like she didn't want to go in the first place.
"We can have our own reunion of our own then, won't we?" Hyde looked around the room, seeing if anyone else agreed with his cheerful mood. "Who needs to see all of our old enemies—aka girlfriends—anyway? We can just talk about how much we hated them right here and now."
^^ haha. Nailed it again! Man, you are really good at keeping them in character!
The girl crossed her arms and huffed. "I still know that it means they slept together."
"Betsy!" her mother screamed.
^^
Pfffft! Hhahahah! This whole dinner scene has been priceless, but this? Wow. Awesome.
"Like you had a choice," Jackie reminded her. "Don't you remember I was there when—
^
The suspense!
"Uh, guys? Where'd Eric go?" Fez looked around at the group of friends, even Donna didn't know where he went until….
"Daddy!" Charlotte screamed. The family ran back into the living room, the sight of Eric faint on the floor erupting even more laughter.
Red was the only one with a comment: "I guess the dumbass took it well."
^^^
Oh! She's pregnant! And Red's line was priceless. So was Hyde's comment. Really enjoyed this. Wonderful job! :)
1/16/2012 c1 69nannygirl
Finally got around to reading this story! Yay!
It was really a very great read. It was nice seeing everyone together. I was alittle confused about the thing with cars but it was what got everyone to stay around so I really didn’t mind that much. Kinda sad that they missed their reunion but they’ll always be others right? Maybe one day you’ll do a story where they actually make it to one of their reunions lol
And sweet and funny ending with Eric and Donna.
This was a cute little story and I thank you for sharing it! Good job once again and keep up the great work!
69nannygirlFinally got around to reading this story! Yay!
It was really a very great read. It was nice seeing everyone together. I was alittle confused about the thing with cars but it was what got everyone to stay around so I really didn’t mind that much. Kinda sad that they missed their reunion but they’ll always be others right? Maybe one day you’ll do a story where they actually make it to one of their reunions lol
And sweet and funny ending with Eric and Donna.
This was a cute little story and I thank you for sharing it! Good job once again and keep up the great work!
1/5/2012 c1 Katiex51
Well, I do think this was an interesting idea for a story, and you executed some of it quite well. The 'the gang is grown up and decides to reminisce' storyline, while terribly overdone, is always sweet to read. I think you had some interactions between the gang right on - specifically the exchanges between the Kelso family.
However...
On the whole, I found your writing to be quite cliche, and although this story was sweet, I don't see a point to it. Donna is secretly pregnant, she tells Eric, and he faints? I've read that 100 times before. The kids of the gang 'should get married'. Jackie has twins. None of that is original to this fandom. There are also no real revelations, no point to this story. How do the characters change from beginning to end? They don't. Again, I like the idea you've come up with and think it has a lot of potential; however, none of it is explored here.
I think you also struggle to perfectly capture the character’s voices. Would Kitty really call the gang ‘guys’ when she addresses them? Probably not. You didn’t give Red much true voice, depending instead on his use of the word ‘dumbass’ to distinguish his dialogue from others. Etc
Lastly, there are some parts that are just plain nonsensical. Why could the gang not take several cars to the reunion event; why was it so important that they all ride together in one vehicle? I understand that you wanted them to end up at the Formans’ reminiscing alone, but that was a sloppy way to get them there. Why was Jackie so heavily criticized for liking to talk about her child? That seems like a natural thing for any mother to do, and the gang’s drastic reactions confused me. Sometimes, when listing things, you put things in an odd order if you wanted to lead up to a point; see your first paragraph for an example of this. Once or twice you have a glaring grammatical error. Fix, fix, fix.
Tips for improvement:
-Try writing multiple drafts, or perhaps look into getting yourself a beta-reader to help you edit your work.
-When writing a story, ask yourself – what’s the point? How are my characters going to change over the course of the fic? I’ve noticed that a lot of your writing is a fluffy and nice, but there are no bones to the story. There’s no reason for me to care about it. If you want to grow as a writer, you’ll want to start thinking about this stuff.
-Watch more 70’s Show. Observe little details about the characters, and make sure you include those observations in your writing – this adds credibility.
You seem like you’ve got talent, so I wanted to offer you a bit more than the unhelpful ‘It was wonderful, update soon!1’ comments 12 year old girls like to write on this site. You’re not there yet, but if you keep working at it and if you love to write, one day you’ll have something.
Well, I do think this was an interesting idea for a story, and you executed some of it quite well. The 'the gang is grown up and decides to reminisce' storyline, while terribly overdone, is always sweet to read. I think you had some interactions between the gang right on - specifically the exchanges between the Kelso family.
However...
On the whole, I found your writing to be quite cliche, and although this story was sweet, I don't see a point to it. Donna is secretly pregnant, she tells Eric, and he faints? I've read that 100 times before. The kids of the gang 'should get married'. Jackie has twins. None of that is original to this fandom. There are also no real revelations, no point to this story. How do the characters change from beginning to end? They don't. Again, I like the idea you've come up with and think it has a lot of potential; however, none of it is explored here.
I think you also struggle to perfectly capture the character’s voices. Would Kitty really call the gang ‘guys’ when she addresses them? Probably not. You didn’t give Red much true voice, depending instead on his use of the word ‘dumbass’ to distinguish his dialogue from others. Etc
Lastly, there are some parts that are just plain nonsensical. Why could the gang not take several cars to the reunion event; why was it so important that they all ride together in one vehicle? I understand that you wanted them to end up at the Formans’ reminiscing alone, but that was a sloppy way to get them there. Why was Jackie so heavily criticized for liking to talk about her child? That seems like a natural thing for any mother to do, and the gang’s drastic reactions confused me. Sometimes, when listing things, you put things in an odd order if you wanted to lead up to a point; see your first paragraph for an example of this. Once or twice you have a glaring grammatical error. Fix, fix, fix.
Tips for improvement:
-Try writing multiple drafts, or perhaps look into getting yourself a beta-reader to help you edit your work.
-When writing a story, ask yourself – what’s the point? How are my characters going to change over the course of the fic? I’ve noticed that a lot of your writing is a fluffy and nice, but there are no bones to the story. There’s no reason for me to care about it. If you want to grow as a writer, you’ll want to start thinking about this stuff.
-Watch more 70’s Show. Observe little details about the characters, and make sure you include those observations in your writing – this adds credibility.
You seem like you’ve got talent, so I wanted to offer you a bit more than the unhelpful ‘It was wonderful, update soon!1’ comments 12 year old girls like to write on this site. You’re not there yet, but if you keep working at it and if you love to write, one day you’ll have something.
1/5/2012 c1 flowerpower8675
Good story. But the reason for them not going to the reunion being that no one had a car to drive or it ran out of gas? That was kind of unbelievable and weak.There were way too many kids to keep track of too. And some of the characters were not really like themselves. Red saying 'Totally' I don't think so. Also it's 'Little Women' not 'Woman'
Good story. But the reason for them not going to the reunion being that no one had a car to drive or it ran out of gas? That was kind of unbelievable and weak.There were way too many kids to keep track of too. And some of the characters were not really like themselves. Red saying 'Totally' I don't think so. Also it's 'Little Women' not 'Woman'