for Zim's Sickness7/11/2012 c1 
143HappyBlushCalayapie
Okay, Zim can't touch water without burning... just thought I'd remind you. I can't get into this story... not because of that sentence, but because I came looking for something I didn't get.
143HappyBlushCalayapieOkay, Zim can't touch water without burning... just thought I'd remind you. I can't get into this story... not because of that sentence, but because I came looking for something I didn't get.
2/23/2012 c4 1Itami Konekoamai
yaaaay!
a leeemon~ a leeemon~
a Z. A. D. R. leeemon~
yay~
veeeery well written! lol zim is so cute!
1Itami Konekoamaiyaaaay!
a leeemon~ a leeemon~
a Z. A. D. R. leeemon~
yay~
veeeery well written! lol zim is so cute!
2/7/2012 c4 5darkollie77
"Zim used his strength to used his PAK legs," Do I really even need to say anything?
"...caused him to burn lightly but tightly ignored it.." no, I didn't add a period to the end of that. It was you. the saliva LIT HIM ON FIRE? no? because that's what it sounds like. And how do you "tightly" ignore something?
"This caused Dib to jump out of a 70 story building." please use a simile here and not a metaphor. I started for a second there.
And one of the worst smut scenes I've ever seen...although, My Immortal is worse.
I liked the first 2 chapters the best
5darkollie77"Zim used his strength to used his PAK legs," Do I really even need to say anything?
"...caused him to burn lightly but tightly ignored it.." no, I didn't add a period to the end of that. It was you. the saliva LIT HIM ON FIRE? no? because that's what it sounds like. And how do you "tightly" ignore something?
"This caused Dib to jump out of a 70 story building." please use a simile here and not a metaphor. I started for a second there.
And one of the worst smut scenes I've ever seen...although, My Immortal is worse.
I liked the first 2 chapters the best
2/7/2012 c3 darkollie77
Zim's dream shows Dib's thoughts not Zim's.
Somehow I doubt Zim muttering his name would cause Dib to swear.
"gentle; but harsh kiss." 2 things here: I think you meant "gentle, but harsh, kiss". Also it's contradictory. Explain.
Baka. Less mistakes this chapter.
I like it. I'm just really annoyingly critical. Be flattered that I decided to continue.
Zim's dream shows Dib's thoughts not Zim's.
Somehow I doubt Zim muttering his name would cause Dib to swear.
"gentle; but harsh kiss." 2 things here: I think you meant "gentle, but harsh, kiss". Also it's contradictory. Explain.
Baka. Less mistakes this chapter.
I like it. I'm just really annoyingly critical. Be flattered that I decided to continue.
2/7/2012 c2 darkollie77
it's oJ for VITAMIN C, not calcium. Baka.
also light years are distance, not time. Baka.
"However, Zim was approaching the human with a dark red blanket over his head walking towards him" sounds like Dim is walking towards Zim. Baka.
"black blacks with too many pockets" you meant slacks? baka
"'She died a couple months after you left from cancer."" sounds like Zim left with cancer. Baka.
Also at the end of the dream I felt like Dib should have more of a reaction.
Otherwise I like the idea and the style. Please proofread
it's oJ for VITAMIN C, not calcium. Baka.
also light years are distance, not time. Baka.
"However, Zim was approaching the human with a dark red blanket over his head walking towards him" sounds like Dim is walking towards Zim. Baka.
"black blacks with too many pockets" you meant slacks? baka
"'She died a couple months after you left from cancer."" sounds like Zim left with cancer. Baka.
Also at the end of the dream I felt like Dib should have more of a reaction.
Otherwise I like the idea and the style. Please proofread
1/27/2012 c4 omfg
omg awesome lemon :D
omg awesome lemon :D
1/20/2012 c3 2EddieBlood
Words Of Praise: Great chapter. Just watch your tenses. ^_^ I like the dreams. :P
Spam: Please read "The Fall of Meekrob" (It's another Invader Zim fanfic). I only got one review so far. ,_,
2EddieBloodWords Of Praise: Great chapter. Just watch your tenses. ^_^ I like the dreams. :P
Spam: Please read "The Fall of Meekrob" (It's another Invader Zim fanfic). I only got one review so far. ,_,
1/17/2012 c2 17SilveryMoon34
This is good :). Some minor errors and phrasing, but other than that, very good. I won't object if you decide to write more ;).
17SilveryMoon34This is good :). Some minor errors and phrasing, but other than that, very good. I won't object if you decide to write more ;).
1/16/2012 c2 Person
Naughty naughty dreams. Naughty.
Please update soon!
Naughty naughty dreams. Naughty.
Please update soon!
1/16/2012 c2 2EddieBlood
3 it. Write more or my robot death monkey shall come for you.
KTHNXBAI! - Mousey ;D
2EddieBlood3 it. Write more or my robot death monkey shall come for you.
KTHNXBAI! - Mousey ;D